Tuesday, June 9, 2009

One More Thing To Cross Off....

It wasn't an easy day to start.  I hate the thoughts of going to court. I 'm sure that's why I had made myself sick to my stomach and tossed and turned all night. When I picked up our son today at "The Center" I told him how awful this was for us. It was something I never dreamed we'd have to do-especially more than once. He assured me he knew how it was for us. He admitted he hated it himself. He said he was done breaking the law. I hope he meant it!

When we left court he was happy. He was satisfied that he had completed a task, even if it did mean owing more money for fines and having to tack more probation time onto the time he is already having to serve.

He is anxious to get a job. He says he's working at least 2 hours a day at the resource center applying on line. He goes out tomorrow on a pass to apply at some places in person.  He had me stopped him at a Price Chopper Grocery Store near the Center and he applied there. He had heard that they will hire people from the Center and he has experience working there, he worked at our local one through high school. He thought he just might have a chance because of that...  we'll see.

Regardless of what anyone thinks, I feel the Center was the best place for our son.  He is alive, he is clean, he is safe and he is doing all the things that his dad and I were unable to get him to do.  They make him go to classes on how to live, NA meetings, and they keep him on task.  At first he thought the rules were strict, but he seem to adjusting to them, now. Dad thinks he is conning himself. I think he's trying to get it together the best way he knows how.  He knows that we wanted him to be there- I think he knows he needed to go there - and he just has to start somewhere. So it appears to be like one of our follower Post Nick wrote that he is "trying to work in stepwise terms". He's looking for a job, getting all of his court cases completed and behind him, going to make money, get to an Oxford House...."  That's what it seems to me.  He was dressed properly, pants pulled up, (no boxer's showing) proudly pointed out that he had polished his tennis shoes till they looked almost new.  Has he felt guilty about all he has done yet? I 'm not sure.  I know he is ashamed enough that he doesn't want to talk about certain things.  I know that he said that he has an appointment to talk to a medical doctor about depression. We talked about that a little on our way back to the Center. He said he was depressed about not being able to find a job. But I told him everyone is depressed when they can not find a job.  I explained to him that once he has a job and is making money and paying back his debts that he will feel relief and less depressed. He agreed with that.

We had ran out of options for what to do with him, leaving him at our house had to end, leaving him on the street would have ended in one disaster or another, so of course we have high hopes the "Center" can help him get back to a clean, functioning life.  I think his making his first steps toward that.  I have my fingers crossed.


Annette said...

Mom, I'm so glad to hear from YOU. I love your blog so much because it shows both sides of the equation between a mom and dad and how this affects them. What their separate reactions are and you guys just always hit me where I am living at the moment.

Thanks for sharing. I am praying that your son finds his way this time, once and for all.

Gin said...

It sounds like he is adjusting really well! That's wonderful. I have my fingers crossed with you both. Hang in there and try to get some rest now that this difficult day is over.

clean and crazy said...

great post mom, i have always said hope is a good thing hope gives us strength. keeping prayers for him and you and dad in the Box. take care and get some rest. you so deserve it.

Lou said...

Like all of us, you are giving it all you got. I have the utmost respect for both of you.

God Bless our children.

Syd said...

I hope that it works out for him. You are both great parents. He is a lucky guy.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad to have found this blog. Mom and Dad you are now on my prayer list. I wish for you and son health, peace and happiness.
We too have an addict son. He is 20yrs old and still lives at home. His addiction has consumed our lives to the point we had isolated from everyone who could possibly support us.
I truly hit bottom when I finally found Alanon. Alanon is the only thing that has saved my sanity and I truly believe my life.
Our son currently sits in jail awaiting the judges decision on probation. Until he went to jail I hadn't realized how truly tired we were. Without him in the home we have let ourselves relax and almost remember what our life used to be like.
I too have had much stolen from me ( possesions) I don't even care about any of that. What I do care about is that I let my sons addiction separate me from friends and family. We found when we looked around no one was standing next to us. Everyone had left and moved on with thier lives.
I am now trying to make amends and it is working somewhat. I am gaining support from some but others no longer want to be a part of this craziness I call life.
My heart and prayers go out to all the parents of addicts. God Bless you