It wasn't an easy day to start. I hate the thoughts of going to court. I 'm sure that's why I had made myself sick to my stomach and tossed and turned all night. When I picked up our son today at "The Center" I told him how awful this was for us. It was something I never dreamed we'd have to do-especially more than once. He assured me he knew how it was for us. He admitted he hated it himself. He said he was done breaking the law. I hope he meant it!
When we left court he was happy. He was satisfied that he had completed a task, even if it did mean owing more money for fines and having to tack more probation time onto the time he is already having to serve.
He is anxious to get a job. He says he's working at least 2 hours a day at the resource center applying on line. He goes out tomorrow on a pass to apply at some places in person. He had me stopped him at a Price Chopper Grocery Store near the Center and he applied there. He had heard that they will hire people from the Center and he has experience working there, he worked at our local one through high school. He thought he just might have a chance because of that... we'll see.
Regardless of what anyone thinks, I feel the Center was the best place for our son. He is alive, he is clean, he is safe and he is doing all the things that his dad and I were unable to get him to do. They make him go to classes on how to live, NA meetings, and they keep him on task. At first he thought the rules were strict, but he seem to adjusting to them, now. Dad thinks he is conning himself. I think he's trying to get it together the best way he knows how. He knows that we wanted him to be there- I think he knows he needed to go there - and he just has to start somewhere. So it appears to be like one of our follower Post Nick wrote that he is "trying to work in stepwise terms". He's looking for a job, getting all of his court cases completed and behind him, going to make money, get to an Oxford House...." That's what it seems to me. He was dressed properly, pants pulled up, (no boxer's showing) proudly pointed out that he had polished his tennis shoes till they looked almost new. Has he felt guilty about all he has done yet? I 'm not sure. I know he is ashamed enough that he doesn't want to talk about certain things. I know that he said that he has an appointment to talk to a medical doctor about depression. We talked about that a little on our way back to the Center. He said he was depressed about not being able to find a job. But I told him everyone is depressed when they can not find a job. I explained to him that once he has a job and is making money and paying back his debts that he will feel relief and less depressed. He agreed with that.
We had ran out of options for what to do with him, leaving him at our house had to end, leaving him on the street would have ended in one disaster or another, so of course we have high hopes the "Center" can help him get back to a clean, functioning life. I think his making his first steps toward that. I have my fingers crossed.