I began this quite frankly as a lark. I was tired of just carrying this burden and thought maybe I could unload this by writing it down and then coming back only when I needed. This experience has been much more than just unloading.
Sometimes you just need to vent. Anger, hope, confusion and disappointment seemed to be a way of life. Searching endlessly for answers, not recognizing these are just a set of emotions to be dealt with at that moment not a way of life.
What I have found there are too many that struggle with these problems of addiction or have the misfortune of loving an addicted child, brother, sister, spouse or loved one. Every person seems to have a story to tell and set of circumstances that makes each situation unique. The help and comments by others I have read on my blog have eased my burden, I hope our story has provided a measure of help or hope to someone else. Thank you to all that comment, reassure and even just have us in your thoughts. Those are nuggets of gold that are worth more than can be measured.
I have come to realize that walking with an addicted loved one is not a journey that has a clear path. It is a jungle with no map where you hack and chop every obstacle only to be faced with sometimes an even greater barrier. I cannot say this has been a journey I would choose. However, in this journey I have learned a great deal, not always pleasant learning either. For this learning I am grateful because I believe a lifetime of learning is a gift not a burden.
Blogging about this has provided me an organized way of composing my thoughts and deliberating about this challenge. One of the mentors in my life a long time ago taught me that time for deliberation is very important time to take each day. When he told me that, I was associating it with my job because that was the context in which we were speaking. I didn't realize the wisdom in what he said, he was talking in the language of life, I was listening in the language of job. A very, very wise man, thank you Ketch.
I think I am going to turn in early tonight. I finished my 31 cabinet doors for my daughters kitchen in her first house today. Mom and I went on a motorcycle ride to Topeka to watch our other daughter taking a rider training course from Harley Davidson. And finally our son is seeming normal tonight and has an interview at an Oxford House tomorrow.