Saturday, March 21, 2009

Thank You All

Reflections on this experience of blogging about our addict and our life.

I began this quite frankly as a lark. I was tired of just carrying this burden and thought maybe I could unload this by writing it down and then coming back only when I needed. This experience has been much more than just unloading. 

Sometimes you just need to vent. Anger, hope, confusion and disappointment seemed to be a way of life.  Searching endlessly for answers, not recognizing these are just a set of emotions to be dealt with at that moment not a way of life.

What I have found there are too many that struggle with these problems of addiction or have the misfortune of loving an addicted child, brother, sister, spouse or loved one. Every person seems to have a story to tell and set of circumstances that makes each situation unique. The help and comments by others I have read on my blog have eased my burden, I hope our story has provided a measure of help or hope to someone else. Thank you to all that comment, reassure and even just have us in your thoughts. Those are nuggets of gold that are worth more than can be measured.

I have come to realize that walking with an addicted loved one is not a journey that has a clear path. It is a jungle with no map where you hack and chop every obstacle only to be faced with sometimes an even greater barrier. I cannot say this has been a journey I would choose. However, in this journey I have learned a great deal, not always pleasant learning either. For this learning I am grateful because I believe a lifetime of learning is a gift not a burden.

Blogging about this has provided me an organized way of composing my thoughts and deliberating about this challenge. One of the mentors in my life a long time ago taught me that time for deliberation is very important time to take each day. When he told me that, I was associating it with my job because that was the context in which we were speaking. I didn't realize the wisdom in what he said, he was talking in the language of life, I was listening in the language of job. A very, very wise man, thank you Ketch.

I think I am going to turn in early tonight. I finished my 31 cabinet doors for my daughters kitchen in her first house today. Mom and I went on a motorcycle ride to Topeka to watch our other daughter taking a rider training course from Harley Davidson. And finally our son is seeming normal tonight and has an interview at an Oxford House tomorrow.


Lou said...

Mom & Dad, I'm glad you share your experiences. I saw my son today in prison. His parole hearing is next month. Today he was coherent, handsome, clear eyed, healthy. I will take today. I will thank God for all He has done for my son. I will be grateful that addiction taught me humility, and gave me compassion I was lacking. It brought his father and I closer, and made our marriage stronger.

There is a lightness of being when we can spread the pain across many shoulders. I hope that is what we are doing here.

Unknown said...

through the past 10 years i have often wondered, why her, or more accurately, why me?

then i realized,

who else? what happens happens. at least i was there to get the kids. at least i could hold the family together.

i wish it hadn't all happened. i wish my daughter had made different choices. but, she didn't.

so then i had to make some hard choices.

my daughter may never be okay. only God knows. but, my family is still together, everyone else survived, and my grandchildren are doing extremely well. they are well behaved, happy, secure and extremely brilliant.

it is a long and winding road. i won't ever say it was worth it, it has been the worst thing in my life.

but, it has taught me much. and learning is never a bad thing. it has taught me that trust is something that can be lost, and never regained.

it has taught me that i am stronger than i ever thought i could be.

it has taught me that i can survive just about anything.

it has taught me that i don't know everything, and should not know everything, and should not try to know everything.

it has taught me that i can survive having my heart ripped in half.

now, if i could just get the compassion part down......

kristi said...

I am glad you all had a good day. Sometimes you just have to take it day by day and try to hope for a better tomorrow for your son.

cw2smom said...

My fellow bloggers who are affected by alcohol and drugs and are seeking recovery, and sharing their strength, struggles, and hope with me in this forum have become such an inspiration. I have new friends and family via blogging and it's awesome to have the support here. It's wonderful that you have found this to be helpful to you and your wife in this awful struggle with addiction. I am so glad you've joined us. Blessings and all the best, Lisa

Athena said...

You expressed what we all feel, I think, beautifully. Thank you ketch, indeed.

2 weeks ago I wouldn't have imagined I'd be as hopeful for my daughter as I am today... with the life lessons, I'll take it a day at a time, and savor the precious moments. What's the alternative?

~Hugs to you both~

clean and crazy said...

There is a convention of Narcotics Anonymous in Stillwater, OK on April 17- the 19th. You should all take a ride and check it out, wonderful stuff at NA conventions. We prayed for your son last night

Anonymous said...

I used to believe that life was riddled with coincidences...I no longer believe in any coincidences. I now believe that each step leads me closer to the person that God intends me to be. Each person I encounter is yet another life lesson to learn or opportunity for growth: mine and the collective yours. I hear a change in your tone and I am grateful to share this journey with you. I'll continue to pray for you, your son and your family. May he be released from the hell of his own making in God's good time.