Thursday, May 28, 2015

Doctors Thumb Through Papers

Is there anything more frightening than watching a doctor thumb through papers in your file?

Darlene went to the doctor yesterday. This time the OB/GYN surgeon. The doctor looks at her handiwork and then picks up her file.

Page and study, page and study, page and study and a longer pause.........

Darlene, the pathology report is all here and the reports are negative and you have clear margins in all remaining tissue. All we need to do is wait for your surgery to heal and begin reconstruction.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Bandages and Scars

Went to the doctor yesterday for the first time since surgery. Everything is progressing just as it should.

What's it like to peel away the bandages? It's a beautiful thing.

Not for the squeamish. This is what it is like for a husband that has been playing nurse and caretaker for a week.

An elastic bandage wraps twice around Darlene's chest. It holds a four layer gauze bandage against her skin. The elastic bandage has two pieces of Velcro on it to hold it to itself. As the elastic bandage is loosened it loses the support for the gauze bandage and it slips, but does not fall because it sticks to the scars. Unthreading the bandage through the drain tubes being careful pull or catch the tubing that enters her skin.

Tossing the elastic bandage aside I slowly lift away the gauze bandage. Little threads stick to the scar and stitches holding in the drain tubes. Carefully I pull them away trying to be gentle.

Exposed is two big thick scars across her chest. The scars are red, swollen and wrinkled. Darlene will not look in the mirror. From her side are tubes coming out of her body. Draining liquid from inside her into bulbs dangling from her side. We clip these to her necklace so that they do not drop and hurt her.

The breasts that provided life to our three children as babies are gone. Nothing left to resemble what once was.

What is there now is the most beautiful part of Darlene. What is left is pure. It is beautiful. Those scars touch her heart. They are physical evidence of the love she has for her family.

We are all the sum of our parts but we must never forget that if something goes away it is not a subtraction from the whole unless we allow it to be.

The sum is the whole. Everyday we get a chance build on the whole because the most important part of the whole is not the physical.

(I'd post a picture but Darlene does not want to go that far.)

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

On The Mend

I don't know the psychological effect a surgery like this has on a woman but it is clear for me to see the physical effects.

This is a painful surgery. Darlene takes her pain pills but also uses ice packs when it is bad. The day she came home from the hospital the pain was pretty bad.

The doctor said during discharge, "Don't go home and sit down in a chair or recliner, it is not good and you will be sorry. Go straight to bed and use pillows to prop yourself up to be comfortable." Just like my little rebellious and non-compliant wife, she came in and sat down in a chair. Getting up out of a soft leather chair after surgery is not as simple as it is when you still have a full uncut chest.

After about 40 minutes we got up. Now it is time to tackle 13 stairs up to the bedroom. "He didn't know I had stairs, he didn't know I had 13 stairs", was the refrain being uttered through the tears.

Stair one elicited a moan, stair two brought forth verbalization's of the pain, three saw tears on her cheeks, at six, "I can't do this, I can't", through the tears falling on her arms holding her chest.

Now this is not a good place to be, six back to the bottom or seven to the top.

That brave and strong girl grimaced and cried through the pain. To the top of the mountain she climbed. It might as well been Mount Everest, the summit was achieved.

That girl deserves a better nurse but she got what she got in me.

Our daughters have been coming over regularly and have been godsend for us both. It helps that Erica is a registered nurse.

Three days in bed only getting up to pee and shower. It's hard on me trying to help without hurting. Taking off bandages to shower and putting new bandages on without hurting her is hard. Every stuck thread of gauze on her wound hurts me.

Today has been a day that sitting in a chair beside the bed has been possible. Tomorrow she wants to try the stairs. Hopefully, thirteen down on day five will be easier than thirteen up on day one.

Otherwise I think things are going as well as can be expected. back to the doctor on Friday.

Friday, May 15, 2015

The Big Day

Yesterday was the big day. Today we are home.

Everything went well. The pathologist still have to do their analysis but during surgery they said the lymph nodes looked good.

Once again we have opiates in our home but they are legal this time.  LOL

Last night Darlene was in a lot of pain and had nausea. It was a rough night but she is better this morning. Truthfully I couldn't believe they say that a bi-lateral mastectomy is considered day surgery so she had to be out of the surgical center within 23 hours. I think the professionals, doctors and nurses, really don't run our health care system it is all bureaucrats at insurance companies.

Darlene is in good spirits, I'm trying to the best I can at being a good nurse but it is a struggle for BOTH of us.

10 minutes before they took Darlene in for surgery I snapped a picture.

Barbara and Annette thought that Darlene looked strong and courageous. They thought I looked scared to death. I didn't know it was so apparent.

I never forget, that she can always do better, I cannot.