Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Tired and Very Sore This Morning

Here we go again. End of last week the bizarre behavior began again. I knew, but didn't want to go there but eventually the problem comes to you.

Last night mom uncovered the kit again. All the normal stuff, soot covered spoons, needles, wipes just the standard crap. We were on our way to bed. I fact I was already in bed. Mom confronted him and it began to get ugly fast. I was out of bed and when I got to his room everything was evident, even with his lies about it being old stuff. he persisted in his lies even when told him we search this room and the bathroom, where he said it came from, all the time. Just about every time he is gone. I know for a fact the stuff wasn't there last week, I had looked.

We knew something was up, the phone had been ringing off the hook last night.

I got angry, it's that anger that only parents of an addict knows. It's boiling over anger that is supercharged with frustration, lies and fear. I told him he could not live here any more. Told him I am not living with an addict and his shit any more. He was angry and began putting on his shoes. Mom told him to at least pack a bag of clothes and stuff if he was leaving now. He said he didn't need it that he was going to be dead by tomorrow.

My child protective defenses kicked in, told him he was not leaving and he said he was. I had to try and physically restrain him at the same time calling 911. We wrestled until he finally broke free. I felt it was a life of death struggle and fought like it too. He kept telling me to stop that he didn't want to hurt me.

He broke free and ran, got about 100 yards away and stopped. He came back. He knew the cops were coming and it was going to end badly for him but I do have to give him credit he came back.

We went back upstairs and the arguing started again, we were all shouting and about that time the cops got there. Came in with guns drawn and made us come outside. Settled down then. Mom and dad filled out statements. Alex gave them permission to get the paraphernalia from his room so he will be charged with paraphernalia and he was taken to jail.

Cops told dad that if he wanted to press charges for me restraining him I could have been taken to jail too but he is not pressing charges and they are not taking dad into custody under the circumstances. What a totally screwed up world it is that through all this if he had not let them in his room, I could have went to jail in cuffs and he could have walked.

We have a lot to contemplate. Better seems only to be a temporary condition, using appears to be the norm. Next step? He cannot live here, it is unhealthy/dangerous for us and him.

20 comments:

cw2smom said...

Oh I am sorry that this is going on! I recall when I got the police involved in my daughter's situation. It's tough and it takes a lot of strength! Hang in there! Blessings, Lisa

kristi said...

I am so sorry, you always have hope in your heart. Choices, it all comes down to choices.

Fishwhiskers said...

Hi Mom and Dad, I remember being in similar situation with my mother when I was a young addict. I can gather how helpless and frustrated you must feel. I also know, that there is not much you can do. If you don't accommodate him at home, he will carry on using out in the street, at mates or wherever and should anything happen to him, you will feel guilty. If you do let him live at home, you will have to put up with the using and the lies. It's a no win situation. Unless HE decides, that enough is enough, and enters rehab or something to that avail, there isn't really anything you can feasibly do to help him or improve the situation. I feel for you, I really do. Also I must say, that your blog is an eye opener for me, how my mother & her partner must have felt with me then. It does make me understand, why my mother does not want anything to do with me. Thanks.

K

Syd said...

Fishwhiskers says it all. I hope that you both will make a decision that allows you to live a life of peace and serenity.

ChaiLatte said...

My heart aches for you and mom- I'm so sorry this recent event has happened. Praying for your strength and peace...

Gin said...

I am so sorry. Really from the bottom of my heart sorry. My heart is aching for you right now. I won't say I've had the same feelings, but similiar feelings when my husband began drinking again. I am thinking of you and sending you my best.

Her Big Sad said...

I am so sad for you and Mom. Your hearts must be so heavy today. I hope you can come up with some options that provide for your home to be a place of peace and calm. We finally decided to help our daughter, but on the "outside", meaning, she cannot live here. Never, ever again. It hurts, but at the same time, it gives us little breaks where her addiction is not top of mind, and in our faces. When she gets out of jail (again!) we will help with first month of sober home charges and after that, she knows she will be on her own. It's what we did last time, and she knows that we love and support her emotionally, want her to visit for family dinners, want to share her life's triumphs and disappointments if she is sober, but we cannot live with her as she walks her road. I doubt this made much sense, but bottom line, I am so so sorry and am thinking of you, mom, and your struggling son.

Annette said...

Oh God, I'm sorry. And yes, the system sucks. It is not just. ((HUG)) to both you and Mom. The part where she is asking him to at least pack a bag of clothes...that is a killer. Her broken mom's heart, still trying to keep her son safe and warm. Even if its just a clean t shirt that she can offer at this point. I SO know that one Mom. It reminds me of dropping off my daughter at rehab and rushing back in to make sure she had chap stick. Crazy...but it was my last little offering of help. I had to offer. ((hug)) again. So sorry.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

My heart sunk as I read this. I am so, so, so sorry. I don't even know what to say other than I care and feel some of your pain....

mother of drug addict said...

Mom and Dad- I also felt terrible for you guys when I read this post and I know exactly how you feel as I went through this too. The same situation with the cops too. I can only tell you that there is hope out there, if he was willing to let the cops search. I will be praying for you and your son.

Lou said...

Great comments from everyone.

You really need to let him fall..just as far as he wants to.

It is hard to hear, and goes against our instincts. I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

Terribly, terribly sorry about your post of 12 May. I also had no idea how wrapped up I have become in the situation in your family. I am also an addict, having battled the same drug your son is dealing with. After years of ignoring my family and friends, it has taken your blog to make me understand how my drug use has impacted the lives of those close to me. I simply hurt them until they leave. I count on your blog. Please dont stop.

Cindy said...

You did the right thing. Our young addicts have a life and death disease. It does go against our instincts to call the police on our own children. But, all our love and cuddling and affection isn't always fuzzy. I want to have all warm fuzzies with my kids but, it's not what's best for my yound addicts.

Sarah said...

Oh, I am so very sorry. I will say a prayer for you tonight.

*hugs*

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Very powerful comment from Anon. I wish more addicts would find the blogs of parents and loved ones and understand our pain. Anon - my heart goes out to you and I hope you are able to recover, hugs.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Lord. I'm behind in reading blogs. I'm so sorry. God, how I can relate to what you went through-- discovering the evidence and my own son swearing it was old stuff...the threats that my son will be dead by morning. It's so painful, and I am so sorry. I need to keep closer touch to your latest updates. Just when it seemed that your son was doing well.

I hate heroin. Hate it. It's so evil. My blog is more hopeful, but believe me-- I am not fooling myself. My son's sobriety could be gone in a split second.

May God give all of you strength.

Debby
www.howismyson.blogspot.com

Fractalmom said...

that sucks. the road is long, and unfortunately, just beginning. my condolences.

Anonymous said...

I may be an answered prayer for you, as this clinical director of this facility was to us,we cant keep all of the blessings without sharing them around. Im so shocked, relived, detached, as well as free! Our son went from here in INdiana to begin a life away from the negative connections here in Indy.
I called Paramount Addiction who have a home for men who have helped young men with getting sentenced to their facility even so far away as Colorado, its a GOOSE BUMP EXPERIENCE THE WAY MY SON HAS CHANGED SINCE GOING THERE FOR 6 MONTHS THEY DO 30-60-90 UP TO 1 YR I THINK. anyway the clinical director has been to court over 150 times and has 149 success stories in court. What he gets done is he goes to court after we paid the fees for admission for seth, and they unsecured our sons bond to the director who we flew all the way here, and even our atty couldnt get this done originally.....so, they are great for heroin addicts, for they helped seth get a job, he got free medical which was inclkuded in the intake fees his dad and i paid hen therefafter HE, yes my exjunke son was paying for his own recovery after he got a job. THIS I BELIEVE MAKES THIS PROGRAM TICK, PLUS THE CLIINCAL DIR.,/ AND STAFF STAY THERE IN THE HOUSE.
ITS VERY UP SCALE. , TS LIKE A TREATMENT-RESIDENTIAL HALFWAY HOUSE- TRANSITION HOUSE ALL IN ONE. I got the number we called when seth went.....I got it and here it is 1 888 553 6444 ex 1 or 0..
Its way worth the son I have back today in my life.
Maybe they have a slot available, when Seth went they had one bed remianing......The man that runs it is really helpful, knowledgeable, as well as compassionate. Just the combo to save my sons life by the Grace of God
Hope this helps..Give them a call.

Blessings

anony mom of addicted son NOW FREE FROM ADDICTION ONE DAY AT A TIME

Anonymous said...

Maybe stop calling the police you coward. Try parenting for a change, people like Are what's wrong with this country you lazy excuse for a parent. Sounds like you assaulted your child, why aren't you in jail? You belong in a cage you pier of trash!

Dad and Mom said...

Anonymous,

Sorry you feel this way. Maybe our experiences are different but judging and name calling really doesn't have an effect here.