Thursday, June 4, 2009

Give and Take

Our son called on Tuesday evening. My psyche is just now getting back to normal. When he calls he "wants". Wants clothes, wants money, wants razor, wants our social security number so we can be added to visitor list, wants, wants, wants. (he ain't getting ss #, I called PO directly to tell him ss#, for background check) I get so angry at times from his being so needy.

He's 21 and helpless, I have to keep reminding myself that he's always calling mom and dad because that is all he knows to do. I really believe addicts stop maturing the day they begin using, so that means he is still 15 years old mentally and that is what 15 year old kids do when they need, they call mom and dad.

Give and Take, I can remember these words as a child from my dad as if it was yesterday. He always told us that the world was give and take. At times you are a giver and at times you are a taker, never should your world become unbalanced by taking all the time. My son is a "taker", but I think that is what addicts are. I don't mean taker as in a thief, I mean they take more emotionally from others than they give. Someday he will have to balance the scales. Right now with me it seems he has wiped the cupboards clean. I'm planning on restocking the shelves by spending 4.5 days on a Harley. Stephen Covey, of 7 Habits fame called it "Your Emotional Bank Account". My dad was a clamp truck operator in the warehouse at a local P&G soap plant, not a high powered consultant and author. I think he had it nailed before Dr. Covey.

For those that haven't heard the term "emotional bank account" or want more info there is a pretty good explanation at this link.

Or just do as my dad said, make sure the give and take scales are balanced, but his always seemed to be tipped far to the give side.


Gin said...

I've read his book and there is no better way to put it. An emotional bank account is exactly what it is. It sounds like even with everything going on you and Mom are doing okay. I can't wait to hear about your Harley trip. Sounds awesome!

kristi said...

That is why I worry about my nephew. When he gets released he will be 30, but emotionally 18.

Lou said...

You know Mom and Dad..addicts are selfish. It is a selfish, self centered, me-me-and more me disease. I don't mean this as condemnation. Until they work some sort of program to change-AA, NA, Buddhism, religion, medication, meditation, therapy .. something other than "I quit, I'm OK now"-- they will continue with the the addict behavior, even though not in active addiction.

Too bad you won't be up as far as Michigan, I would definitely buy you a coffee.

Annette said...

I agree with Lou....its a selfish disease. And Dad you must be like your father. I can see your scale leaning way over on the giving side too.

Fractalmom said...

I always called it 'emotional bankruptcy'. Too many withdrawals, and not near enough deposits.

didn't know there was a book about it LOL