Monday, July 28, 2014

Controlling my Control Issues

Sorry, I have been remiss in keeping up with my blog and posting regularly. My job is overwhelming right now but this is not the time or place for that discussion.

Right now I am on vacation with the family. Son, daughter and 3 grandkids at the lake. Things are great to be on vacation at least for 24 hours before I was tested.

Anyone that has read my blog long knows I began this journey with control issues. Ten years ago I knew if I exerted just a little more effort I could control my son's addiction and we would all be back on tract. Five years later trying harder and harder I finally got it through my thick, hard head that wasn't working. That's when I began working on me. If he wasn't going to get better I needed to find a way for me to get better.

Yesterday I had the ultimate test of my control recovery. We are on vacation and Tyler my 3 year old grandson, Alex's son, fell off the top of sliding board onto the dock. He broke his arm in too. Alex and Kristy rushed him to the local hospital while still in their wet swimsuits. I followed them a few minutes later with dry clothes. It was a very complicated break and he was then taken by ambulance to another hospital in a larger city 50 miles away where they had the resources and personnel to take care of him.

If that isn't a test of controlling your control issues then I don't know what could be designed more difficult. Picture this grandpa with his little buddy his arm is broken and he is in terrible pain and crying. Grandpa stood on the side offering support to Tyler and mom and dad just the way he should. Probably wouldn't have happened that way a few years ago.

This morning my little buddy is doing well. A cast but he is managing much better than I expected.

Thinking about last night it became clear to me what was happening with me during this crisis. The question, "Is this mine to control or is this mine to support?"

Wish I was able to have seen that question more clearly a long time ago when we were dealing with a son in active addiction. It seems so clear and so much more simple now.

For a parent with a child addicted and using we are NOT in control. We are the support crew and support can only be effective when the recipient is willing and accepting.

This all falls back to understanding OUR boundaries. Continually pushing against your boundaries and straining the rope to its breaking point often leads to unintended consequences, for ourself and our addicted child.

Last night I respected the boundary, I stepped into my role of support. In the end it made me proud to be a father and it made me proud of Alex and Kristy too.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Children Lost in a World of Hate

I normally stay away from politics on my blog. Many close to me know where I stand on the political spectrum but something is going on now that I believe reaches beyond the political spectrum and has to do with children. I just cannot let it go with commenting. Feel free to express your comments either way. I won't love you or hate you any more or less.  ;-)

Many of us have suffering children we have done anything and everything we know to try and help them and save their life. I'm talking about addiction and the danger drugs pose in our loved ones life and in our life too.

Today I see parents doing anything they can to save their child's life and many of our citizens are spewing hate towards those children. I'm talking about those children crossing our southern border. Parents have given up the most important thing in their life to save their child's life. They have sent their own child to our border, many knowing that they may never see their child again in their lifetime.

How much courage does it take for a parent to send their child away to the unknown because the known is that where they are today their child will die? How much love does that take? Could you send your child into the unknown on a hope and prayer that they will live? Could you send your child into the mouths of monsters, abusers and what they call "coyotes" to transport them in a new life?

Then when they arrive at their destination they are face to face with HATE. The stigma of an "illegal alien". We are awfully good with labels in this country aren't we?

I don't care where a child is from and what nation, these are children that are in a place called hell. Life is not what we want or believe in other lands. Children being used as slaves, drug runners, shooters and terrorists this is not what any of us want for children, not our child or someone else's child.. These children want what our children want. They want a parent to love them, they want to laugh, they want to play, they want to go to school and learn. They are not invaders and criminals.

The parents sending their children off on this journey want for their child exactly what we want for our children. Just like you or I, we want our children safe, happy and to have the opportunity we never had, they do too.

It is time we stop spewing hate towards these children and recognize them for what they are, they are refugees. No different than refugees we see in other parts of the world fleeing danger, hunger and almost certain death.

Let's break this stigma. So many of the labels foster hate and are intended to make a person less than what they are and could be. These children are not illegal aliens, these are children far from home and alone.

The history of our nation has been filled with hate towards others. It's time to break that cycle.