Sunday, January 25, 2009


I cannot think of anything more important for mom and dad than lifeboats. For each of us the boat may be different but without a lifeboat during this crisis you will drown. You cannot feel guilty about saving yourself even if you can't save him.

Some of our lifeboats:

A brand new granddaughter, the first grandchild. 3 month birthday two days ago.

Our daughters and our family. People lost in the same hopelessness about the situation. As they say misery loves company. We become our own support group.

Our jobs, an escape out of a house of madness. Physical escape is important. 

Friends that sometimes do nothing more than listen and console.

Date Night, every Friday Mom and Dad have date night and we go out with a couple life long friends. A Mexican restaurant, a cup of coffee and a stroll around the Plaza. During those 3 -4 hours the world is normal. The women complain about their jobs and the men talk  sports and tell crude rude jokes.

A ride on the Harley, nothing matters except the bike, the road, and the trip. Where ever the road goes. 

My workshop, something I can control. Taking a piece of wood and creating something that I like and people appreciate. 

Dinner parties and entertaining. We love entertaining bringing together family, or friends to fellowship. As few as a couple for a quiet evening or as grand as our annual festival attended by up almost 150. The distraction of planning these events keeps us busy and our mind occupied. 

A hard lesson for us to learn was that we matter too. Every parent knows that you would give your life to save your child. The lesson learned was we cannot save him. We can only provide the environment or force the conditions where he wants to save himself. If mom and dad do not save themselves mentally and physically they cannot be there to help when the time is right. 


Anonymous said...

Thanks for joining me in my fight for serenity!

I hope to read backwards and catch up with you soon.

I see you have an Al-Anon link listed. Woohoo!

Thank God for Al-Anon...

Much love,


Lou said...

I have blogged a year about my son. He is an 8 year heroin addict. Presently doing an 18 month stretch in prison. He turned 26 two weeks ago. He has spent his 18, 20, 22, 23, 24, & now 26th birthday behind bars. He has been through four rehabs & a boot camp.
We are his mom & dad, no drinkings/drugs/ no abuse/ straight arrow sister..married 32 years also.
I'm sorry to welcome you to this world.
(Subdural Flow)

~Christina~ said...

Just want to say you are not alone. Taking care of yourselves with date night, friends, riding the Harley is the BEST thing you can do to fight this disease. You must put the oxygen mask over yourselves FIRST before you can assist the addict.

God bless you and keep coming back!

Auburn~haired~artist said...

Hi there!

I have a 23 year old son who has struggled with drugs, alcohol, and legal issues too numerous to recount, for the past 11 years. His father has been sober (mostly) for almost 8 years. Occassional relapses and no consistent treatment programs - I'd have to call him a dry drunk. Still, life is better than it used to be. Good to connect with others here on the net.
Take care,

Annette said...

Wow, thanks so much for sharing your story. My husband came and read through your blog. I think it was important to read from another father's experience. Our 20 year old daughter is our "qualifier." Drugs and alcohol and its been an absolutely heartbreaking journey.

I so appreciate the honesty in your blog... the acknowledgment that our addicts kids take up 85% of our energy, that we are enablers, that the line between loving and enabling your child is very very thin... thank you! I often feel like a "bad" Alanon because I struggle to let go, I struggle to not enable, I am often confused by what exact acts are enabling and what is just being a parent who loves her daughter.
Thank you again. Very very meaingful and I will be back often to read more.

Unknown said...

i;m so sorry that you have to go through this. Having done it now for 10 years, I am truly sorry.

Anonymous said...

I came over to see your blog because you gave such great advise on Prodigal Daughter. I knew there must be a basis for it. Your writings bring me to tears because I was the little sister in a house full of addicts. My perspective is different than an parent's but I can surely sympathize. I still sympathize for my parents as well. I hope things will eventually turn around for your son and you. My blessings until they do.

Syd said...

I'm glad that I found your blog. I really think that the realization of powerlessness is such an important step.

sKILLz said...

I would love a ride on that harley! whenever your in NY near Brooklyn be sure to come round my way and I would show the best Mexican food, best hangouts, and so on.

When you have that kind of cloud over you its good to just get out and go.
forget the things that make you not want to be there.
Forget the problems and pain.

See thats what makes me get high, you go get on a bike and have coffee.
I get on a train and cop dope.
Why? I wish I freaking knew!
Stay Up!

Anonymous said...

I just found out yesterday that my son is addicted to herion. I had suspected it but having it confirmed is like being shot in the gut. I have not had a chance yet to talk to my ex ( his dad). I am going to a support meeting tonight. Reading these blogs has been helpful. Thank You!