Thursday, March 3, 2011

I'm Just A Talking Head

I spoke at the high school yesterday. The best I can say about these talks, this helps to heal me.

What a group of great kids. Interested and involved. Questions and comments and one in particular that nearly knocked me to my knees. The only response I could say, "I am so sorry."

I have a presentation and a script I use as a guideline and follow but each class is free flowing with the comments and questions. Yesterday I began the talk by going off script.

Yesterday morning I was reading blogs and I came to Naomi's blog: Girl On Off Gear . I read her post she had written on the evening before on March 1: stomach ulcers & knowing heroin will make it hurt less . I knew this had power.

Like I said I went "off script". I stood up without any personal introduction of myself. I told everyone I write a blog and I read blogs of parents and addicts. I introduced Naomi and her blog and I proceeded to read the first paragraph word for word to the class. By the time I was done reading that single paragraph every eye was focused on me reading, the teacher remarked she had a graphic and physical picture in her mind of this poor girl going through what she was describing as a heroin addict.

Thank you Naomi in Cambridge UK for putting into a few words what so many need to hear and share. You touched me and a bunch of high school students in Basehor, Kansas, USA.


Tori said...

I went over to her blog. I hope the people who are trying to get off, or have or want to know the help they give the Parents of children who use. It gives us a lot of information to at least try to understand the process of trying to stay clean and what they go through. I was emailed an article about a new approach people are taking in talking to kids about drugs. You may have already seen it but I will send it to you anyway.

Gledwood said...

I am sure you spoke volumes to those kids. Drugs education is such a tricky subject. I think if I could have heard the parent of an addict speak it would have made me think twice... Then again I don't know what I would have done. I was well aware heroin was addictive and deadly. Its deadliness drew me to it. I used it as an antidepressant... Well time has passed and finally my problems are being addressed. I told them I had "problems with my mood" and got nods and more nods and no action until I literally went psychotic. Now they listen to me. Though I'm angry it had to go THIS FAR Im glad finally, at long last they do listen when I say I have a problem that problem AT LAST has a name. That name goes under my name on the "you must know this about this patient" bit so I don't object to being labelled. It just would have been so much better if I'd got some meaningful treatment a long long time before I finally did. I can't take antidepressants even though I do get depressed they make me manic. So I'm on antipsychotics instead and I know when I forget a dose I feel a rush as I go higher. What a stupid situation to be in. Finally there is a word for it when I don't know what I'm thinking, when I can't motivate myself. It's all "symptoms". Might sound like I'm after an excuse but I've gone way beyond looking for a way of justifying bad behaviour. I want NOT to be behaving badly. I just knew I had to get hold of what was wrong before I could right it. How I'm going to right THIS mess I have absolutely no idea but at least I know what the mess is called. Sorry this has gone off the point but I wanted to talk to you. You seem to know very well what you're about and be very well directed and focused. I want to learn to be like you. I have the will and the power but lack the focus.

I hope you don't mind me commenting here. Naomi has done something absolutely remarkable. I go to NA because of people like her. I "want what they have", Serenity as well as the nondrug bit they have recovery. But they go on to work and I don't know that I could do a job, not at the moment I'm in such a mess this is unreal. I'm not asking you to worry about me or give me an answer I only tell you this in the spirit of sharing. You don't need any more worries than you already have. I'm just very very glad for you that the situation your end appears to be improving. You deserve a bit of happiness.