Saturday, March 12, 2011

Conversations

Having a conversation with my son is now such a joy. You hear genuine thoughts and reasons for wanting things that required processing not just knee jerk responses.

Yesterday for instance, he told me of his desire to simply sit outside and grill chicken on the bar-be-que and simply sit and enjoy what is around him. He said he can now understand why we got so happy just grilling and having friends over to talk. He said all times he was high and being the fool wasted his time and didn't allow him to enjoy the real pleasures he saw all of us enjoying life. He gets released May 24 and he said he wants to just be able to sit.

He has harsh words for those inmates with him. He says all they want to do is talk about what they are going to do and use when they get out. How much they miss it and the party. He told me exactly and I quote, "Dad, when they are talking about that stuff it just makes me sick, I get sick to my stomach just listening to them." He said he just leaves them and goes off alone.

The more I hear of the real person makes it so much more clear of how much manipulation was going on in the past.

13 comments:

Kristi said...

My son is also in jail at the moment and he has told me the exact same thing about fellow inmates talking about using. He told me that even when people are just kidding around and joking about it, he gets up and leaves...he said, "I just don't want to hear anything about drugs or using, even just joking around. I continue to pray for all of our children, in and out of addictive addiction.

Barbara said...

This fills my heart with hope for Keven and happiness for Alex and your family. You have your son back, the real one. I've always liked Alex a lot even before he was doing so well...I think it was obvious even when he was using that there was a good man inside the addict :)

Dad and Mom said...

Kimberly Anne,

My son was not a crystal meth user and he has admitted he NEVER used crystal meth. In addition he did not undergo a rehabilitation program as you have in your link.

I appreciate your comment but please remove the link or I will have to delete your comment.

beachteacher said...

your post is exactly how I've thought of it with our son,....and when he was actively using, I used to say to him, "this isn't the real you", and I was right. Our real son is a decent, caring, hard working, moral person.

What a joy that you get to have the real Alex back. I'm happy to read this :)

Annette said...

I'm so happy for you and your family. What an incredible blessing Ron to get to watch the evolution of your son's health and mind return to him.

Anonymous said...

I can not believe some one is touting their business on your site ,and not even the drug that he was addicted to ,Best of luck for your sons future ,those men in prison would be better off in some sort of program ,cheers

Notmyboy said...

I am so happy for your joy.

The hardest thing for me and my relationship with my son is I used to have conversations like the one you describe with my son when he WAS using. He was great at diversion. He would go on and on about so and so who keeps calling him to go on a buy, but that he was out of that life...how he told him off, etc.

I remember thinking exactly as you are now, which was why when I found out that he was still a full blown active addict I was horrified, mostly at myself for believing him once again.

Now that he is clean and sober, when he tells me about the other guys who are still trying to score and how it offends him, etc I just cringe. It is a real trigger conversation for me.

kim said...

I have had multiple guys tell me that they started recovery in AA or other 12 step programs but it wasn't until their time locked up in jail that they were able to finally turn their life around. I pray Alex is one of those fine young gentlemen.

Mariah's Mom said...

I couldn't be happier for you.

Gledwood said...

Do you know it's weird, I used heroin just to be able to enjoy simple pleasures. Without it life seemed so bleak and meaningless like a Siberian blizzard, just unearable. I'm so glad to have got over the hill with all this even though I'm not out of the woods the Heroin Obsession is just dying away.

In writing about a barbecue you reminded me of a time I was staying with a "normal person" who to be truthful had mental problems probably of a "personality disorder" nature but this woman showed me more kindness amongst the madness than anybody else ever has done. I remember one day I cooked cubed lamb and an amazing pasta salad. I'm a really good intuitive cook (what I mean is I don't have 10,000 recipes like some people but I can come up with something and do it really well and when I make a mistake I usually have a good feeling of what went wrong and how to remedy it, unlike when we tried to put a self-assembley wardrobe together ... I don't think either of us had ever been so stumped by an exploded diagram.

I find it hard to accept I was "self medicating" but this does seem to be true. I feel like a victim now. That I was being abused by dealers who held my wellbeing in the palm of their hand. Some bastard came round the other day with free heroin he wanted marks out of 10 but he was so sneery about my untidy house I'm not inviting him back. I just can't be doing with heroin and any other "plus" (like the dealer's sneeriness) anything like that is a really good thing for me to hang on to.

You must be undergoing a novel experience. You lost you son when he was still really a boy and now a grown man is coming back to you.

Syd said...

I am really glad for you, Mom and Alex. It seems that he gets it and is willing to do what it takes to have a good life.

Sherry said...

Dad & Mom - I'm really happy to hear that Alex is changing. The 9 months that my son spent in a lock down rehab and jail...followed by an intensive year long out patient program has worked for my son. I believe if they have at least that long of a period away from drugs in addition to a supportive family and prayer, then the odds are in their favor!

Tori said...

So glad Alex is doing so well. Getting clean and staying clean is such a process. It sounds like this was the best thing for him. I hope mine does get locked up again but for a couple of months or more so that he can hopefully get it through his head this life is not getting him anywhere. I hope Alex knows that we are proud of him and that he gives hope to people like me who really have little hope right now.