Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Quite A Bit Of Water Under The Bridge

First of all, what a post by Mom. I went out to mow the grass and when I came back in and checked the computer I saw what she had written. I'm no hero, but she is my savior in all this.

Time to catch up and even try to put my own thoughts in order. I picked our son son up on Wednesday night at 9:30 and delivered him to detox by 11:00pm. He spent 3 days in detox, normally they have them stay for 5 days but they counted 2 days in jail as part of it.

On Saturday we went to the college graduation of our nephew. It was such a mix of emotions. When you watch the ceremonies and listen to the speeches at a college graduation it gives you such hope and pride of the generation to come. When I hear people talk down on "the kids of today" it is such a waste of energy. When you see these young people and think of their accomplishments I feel secure in our world knowing we are in their hands. What a fine young man my nephew has grown up to become, I am proud to have him near me.

All the while sitting on those hard bleachers watching these young adults parade in and then onto the stage as their name was called I had an anger inside of me. I sat there knowing full well there was not a thing any of these people had accomplished that my son could not have done. I was angry at him, I was angry at the drugs, I was angry at myself, I was angry at the world. What a waste of talent, brains and opportunity. This is something I must find a way of dumping because it is destroying a part of me. Even though I can rationalize it is his life not mine that doesn't keep it from causing me to be angry at every part of him and his addiction for throwing away this opportunity.

On Saturday morning early we left for the graduation. He was to be released from detox that day but we could not be there to pick him up until 7pm. At 7 when we got there he was waiting outside for us. His story was he came out because they were having meetings and he did not want to interrupt. I have my suspicions that he got out earlier and knew we were going to be there at 7 because that is what we told him. No evidence, just one of those gut feelings he had been out of the building for a while and who knows what went on till we got there.

He was not able to get into the residential facility until Monday afternoon. We stayed with him until I dropped him off at the facility. He has to do 6 months at The Center as it is called for violation of his probation. He called us last night and told us he is in jail because the judge give him 10 days for a dirty UA. After the 10 days he will transfer to the Center. I told him that when it is time for his release he must have someplace else to live other than our home. He must get into an Oxford House or some other clean living facility. I was also very explicit that if he screws this up at the Center and gets sent to jail do not call us because we are accepting no collect calls.

There is still no rest for mom and dad. We thought maybe we could get some rest but I was awake at 2am thinking. I figure it will take a few days to feel relaxed and comfortable. That is the ways it usually is for me. Maybe that should be called "loved ones detox".


Gin said...

The two of you are really going through it. I know what it is like to toss and turn at 2 AM. I think I got a total of 3 hours sleep last night. It's so hard when so much is at stake. I am really thinking of the both of and I hope you can find some peace.

Lou said...

He will endure the consequences of his actions. That is how life goes for all of us. I'm sure your other children learned this long ago, as did mine. But our boys..they are insisting on learning the hard way. After a time there is nothing we can do to change that.

Perhaps he will be serious about getting sober at the Center. I hope so for your sake, but mostly for his.

ChaiLatte said...

Continued prayers for you and mom~ hang in there. Prayers for you son that he gets it this time and does the work that it takes.

Don't you wish we could all meet up when we're sleepless at 2 or 3 AM?!?! I'm sure we'd have quite a gathering...

Anonymous said...

Everytime I read your blog, I am reminded that it was just one year ago that I had many sleepless nights. I feel such overwhelming compassion for both of you...particularly for you, dad. You and I have a lot in common with our way of thinking. It's a struggle for me to watch my son procrastinate (not that he's been 5 months sober) and doing the bare minimum. What a waste! He's such a bright young man. I do understand your anger. Both of you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Let's hope that your son will finally reach the point of hitting HIS bottom-- and that he will turn his life around. I'm so glad you are blogging. It's so healing, isn't it?

Sarah said...

You two are lucky to have each other. I admire that your marriage seems extrememly strong through this.

Syd said...

It sounds as if the boundary you have put up is a good one. I hope that your son stays clean. And I hope that you and Mom get some peace in your life. And rest. What good is it if your life is wasted too? Keep taking care of yourselves.

Nellie said...

I'm so glad that You both write such consistent and honest posts about addiction. The fact that you are willing to tell people about your son and your feelings surrounding his addiction is extremely commendable. The stigma attached to drug addiction is so damaging in our society. When people can begin to understand that it is not just a certain type of person who is susceptible to becoming addicted to drugs, it can happen to anyone, it will be easier for addicts to get help because people will not feel as ashamed to talk about it.
Your posts help to chip away at the stereotypes surrounding addicts. You both are obviously competent, loving parents who have lived your life for your children. And despite being given your best efforts and a fertile environment, one of your children still managed to become addicted to heroin. I'm sure, like you both, he is intelligent, sensitive, and caring. People need to realize that most addicts are; they are not bad people and neither are the people who raised them.
Being a recovering H addict, I know that people assume I grew uo poor, with horrible drug addict parents who neglected me. But that's not true. I grew up upper middle class, went to prep school and college, and had a really great childhood. But I still ended up addicted.
You guys are really brave. And I hope you keep doing what you're doing, it's so great. And good idea telling him he can't live w/you after rehab. Thanks again.

Sierra Wolf said...


I've been off line for a couple of months now and I'm just now getting caught up on blogs. My son is scheduled for court on his third DUI in August, and is hoping to get placed at the CENTER in Johnson County. We know a few of his friends that have attempted The Center, but failed. It's a tough program.
I'll be praying for your son as well and am anxious to see how he does there.