Quite A Bit Of Water Under The Bridge

First of all, what a post by Mom. I went out to mow the grass and when I came back in and checked the computer I saw what she had written. I'm no hero, but she is my savior in all this.

Time to catch up and even try to put my own thoughts in order. I picked our son son up on Wednesday night at 9:30 and delivered him to detox by 11:00pm. He spent 3 days in detox, normally they have them stay for 5 days but they counted 2 days in jail as part of it.

On Saturday we went to the college graduation of our nephew. It was such a mix of emotions. When you watch the ceremonies and listen to the speeches at a college graduation it gives you such hope and pride of the generation to come. When I hear people talk down on "the kids of today" it is such a waste of energy. When you see these young people and think of their accomplishments I feel secure in our world knowing we are in their hands. What a fine young man my nephew has grown up to become, I am proud to have him near me.

All the while sitting on those hard bleachers watching these young adults parade in and then onto the stage as their name was called I had an anger inside of me. I sat there knowing full well there was not a thing any of these people had accomplished that my son could not have done. I was angry at him, I was angry at the drugs, I was angry at myself, I was angry at the world. What a waste of talent, brains and opportunity. This is something I must find a way of dumping because it is destroying a part of me. Even though I can rationalize it is his life not mine that doesn't keep it from causing me to be angry at every part of him and his addiction for throwing away this opportunity.

On Saturday morning early we left for the graduation. He was to be released from detox that day but we could not be there to pick him up until 7pm. At 7 when we got there he was waiting outside for us. His story was he came out because they were having meetings and he did not want to interrupt. I have my suspicions that he got out earlier and knew we were going to be there at 7 because that is what we told him. No evidence, just one of those gut feelings he had been out of the building for a while and who knows what went on till we got there.

He was not able to get into the residential facility until Monday afternoon. We stayed with him until I dropped him off at the facility. He has to do 6 months at The Center as it is called for violation of his probation. He called us last night and told us he is in jail because the judge give him 10 days for a dirty UA. After the 10 days he will transfer to the Center. I told him that when it is time for his release he must have someplace else to live other than our home. He must get into an Oxford House or some other clean living facility. I was also very explicit that if he screws this up at the Center and gets sent to jail do not call us because we are accepting no collect calls.

There is still no rest for mom and dad. We thought maybe we could get some rest but I was awake at 2am thinking. I figure it will take a few days to feel relaxed and comfortable. That is the ways it usually is for me. Maybe that should be called "loved ones detox".