Guess this may be something I may never understand. Without an addictive personality it is hard for me to grasp even after all this time how addiction runs your life to the point of destroying your life.
Maybe some of the addicts that read this blog can help.
How is it while in jail an addict can go without using but on probation regularly violates to use, full well knowing jail will be the result of using? Is incarceration and the inability to acquire the only thing that keeps one from using? What is the mental state of an addict in jail when not able to use? While you are clean do you have moments of a clear mind? If you are in jail and not able to acquire drugs you don't use, so why is it impossible to tell yourself NO when left to your own self regulation?
I have ask myself these questions a hundred times and using my experiences and mind cannot reconcile the actions of addicts with my reality. I'm sure many other parents have done the same. I've read the books, sat through NA and Nar-Anon meetings, spent 4 days in rehab going through the same sessions as other addicts and alcoholics. Seems like all I take away from it is that it is a disease, and you can't understand if you aren't an addict. Surely that isn't all there is. Acceptance of a problem without corrective action is not part of my makeup.