We went to visit our son in jail on Sunday. I know that I have said we don't visit. That is one of our boundaries. I'll have more to say about later.
Alex looked good. He was in good spirits but was very concerned about where he was to go when he is released. He seemed to have reconciled that if he could not get into a clean living environment he was homeless in the winter. This was causing a great deal consternation with him and I could tell with that on his mind he was not focusing on what I felt was actually more important, how were things going to be different this time. We finally told him that where he would live after he got out was actually a simple problem to solve, there are many options and this is an easy issue, it only takes money. We ask him to focus more on "what" was going to happen when he got out. How is it going to be any different this time. He seemed a bit relieved but I'm not sure he actually understands how much bigger that issue is to deal with rather than where to live. But that goes to an addicts one day at a time and living only in the moment.
When we have set a boundary about not visiting in jail because jail is punishment why would we go visit and violate our own boundary? Actually, we went for mom. Mom had been having bad dreams about Alex and in all of her bad dreams was Alex and all of her dead friends and relatives. She was troubled by this. I'm not sure if she puts much stock in that sort of thing as a premonition or something but she is religious and so she was worried. I just look at it as a dream and so what, but it troubled mom so that troubles me. The visit calmed her worries.
To be clear, I do not see boundaries as a solid impenetrable wall that resembles something like the Berlin Wall with heavy life or death consequences at the mere thought of violating them. I see boundaries that we set for ourselves more like a rope line. There is a clear demarcation of where we should not go, there is security to make sure we know there are consequences for crossing but there are circumstances that necessitate crossing the line and there may be consequences that you or your loved one may have to pay for that crossing.
Boundaries must be set after much calm and reasoned thought. My experience of setting boundaries in the heat of battle with my addict resulted in failure every time. Especially because those boundaries I was probably hollering were being set for him or at him and not for me. If you are setting boundaries for yourself and using a calm deliberate approach success can be more easily achieved and you can control your own actions. That really goes well with the control freak in me.
Setting good boundaries for yourself allows you, the loved one of an addict to bring a measure of sanity into an insane situation.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
More Hurting Parents
As we all know the longer we are entangled in this scourge of addiction the wider the web grows. I have found a couple other blogs whose situations with 21 year old sons so closely parallel ours it is uncanny. Both people are fairly new to blogging and I hope everyone has enough room to welcome them into our world of self help. The first is:
Blinded By Love For J
http://blinded-by-love-for-j.blogspot.com/
Another one:
Loving and Parenting an Addict
http://lisac-lovingandparentinganaddict.blogspot.com/
It's funny the first post I read on this blog was entitled "I'm Not In Kansas Any More" As you all know, we are still in Kansas. (and still love it)
What still amazes me is the scope of this problem. Two blogs, one family in CA and the other in OH, all sharing circumstances and a common issue with us that live here in KS. And when I see that counter on my blog with people hitting this page from over 50 countries, sometimes it just leaves me in shock. To me this is a worldwide problem with consequences on people and governments just as serious as wars, terrorism and economic turmoil.
When I speak of having a son that is addicted I find most times the other person begins to relate stories of someone in their family or extended family suffering from the same. I have pondered the ramifications of this many times. It has come to be my belief that drug usage needs a more personal face. Parents, brothers, sisters, friends and everyone connected needs to stand up and demand more accountability from our governments for drug addiction. Politicians find it easy to pound their fist about drug addiction and it is easy to brag about how many addicts and dealers they have put in prison on their watch. Addiction is a disease. We need our leaders look for new answers, our current methodologies of dealing with addicts once they are in the system are only marginally effective. The power of every person touched by drug addiction is to big for our leaders to ignore. This affects us all.
I am asking everyone that reads this blog, when you are done here go to your U.S. Representatives website and e-mail them, ask what they are doing about drug addiction. For those from other countries, do the same with your government, if you are allowed to do this. I do see there are visitors to our blogs from some very repressed countries, do what is safe for you in your place. We all need to be heard more loudly and with a larger voice to get something done.
Blinded By Love For J
http://blinded-by-love-for-j.blogspot.com/
Another one:
Loving and Parenting an Addict
http://lisac-lovingandparentinganaddict.blogspot.com/
It's funny the first post I read on this blog was entitled "I'm Not In Kansas Any More" As you all know, we are still in Kansas. (and still love it)
What still amazes me is the scope of this problem. Two blogs, one family in CA and the other in OH, all sharing circumstances and a common issue with us that live here in KS. And when I see that counter on my blog with people hitting this page from over 50 countries, sometimes it just leaves me in shock. To me this is a worldwide problem with consequences on people and governments just as serious as wars, terrorism and economic turmoil.
When I speak of having a son that is addicted I find most times the other person begins to relate stories of someone in their family or extended family suffering from the same. I have pondered the ramifications of this many times. It has come to be my belief that drug usage needs a more personal face. Parents, brothers, sisters, friends and everyone connected needs to stand up and demand more accountability from our governments for drug addiction. Politicians find it easy to pound their fist about drug addiction and it is easy to brag about how many addicts and dealers they have put in prison on their watch. Addiction is a disease. We need our leaders look for new answers, our current methodologies of dealing with addicts once they are in the system are only marginally effective. The power of every person touched by drug addiction is to big for our leaders to ignore. This affects us all.
I am asking everyone that reads this blog, when you are done here go to your U.S. Representatives website and e-mail them, ask what they are doing about drug addiction. For those from other countries, do the same with your government, if you are allowed to do this. I do see there are visitors to our blogs from some very repressed countries, do what is safe for you in your place. We all need to be heard more loudly and with a larger voice to get something done.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Can't Fix Stupid
Made someone very happy today. I called them and offered them a job. They were very excited and will begin work on next Monday.
At the same time I was kinda sad. This is the job my son screwed up. He was hired to fill a temporary position however a person here is leaving to join the military and my son would've been good to slide into that position. In fact everyone was happy with his work and he was working hard. But, we all know how that ended. A probation violation for missing his ride back to the residential center and he was shipped off to jail and has been there ever since. WHAT A WASTE! There is some comedian that does a whole routine about "You Can't Fix Stupid". I think this applies. (and everyone knows I tried)
I've never been in jail and hope to never go but, my hope is that my son has a lot of time for reflection and can make some decisions about how he wishes to live his life.
At the same time I was kinda sad. This is the job my son screwed up. He was hired to fill a temporary position however a person here is leaving to join the military and my son would've been good to slide into that position. In fact everyone was happy with his work and he was working hard. But, we all know how that ended. A probation violation for missing his ride back to the residential center and he was shipped off to jail and has been there ever since. WHAT A WASTE! There is some comedian that does a whole routine about "You Can't Fix Stupid". I think this applies. (and everyone knows I tried)
I've never been in jail and hope to never go but, my hope is that my son has a lot of time for reflection and can make some decisions about how he wishes to live his life.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Peaceful soon-to-be Autumn
I know autumn doesn't officially get here until next week.
It has been quiet on the home front. We are just getting ready for our Fall Festival that we hold each year. Been waiting on the grocery stores to put all the ingredients needed on sale and this week the chili beans and crackers hit the sale advertisement. That fills out our list. I'll pick up 60 cans of chili beans tonight. Already have 25 pounds of hamburger cooked up and nearly 200 hot dogs waiting for fire. I hope it is cooler this year than it has been for the last couple years. Last couple years it has been nearly 80 and it is hard to get in the mood for Fall when it is that warm.
Son is still in jail and will be until Nov. 29. If you don't know what it is like living with an addict you would probably think we are mean and cruel but the peace and rest of having him away for a while is rejuvenating. We do not visit while he is in jail. Someone ask me about that the other day and I explained it like time out. When you send your little one to time out it is not effective if as soon as they are sitting in the corner you run over and begin reading a book to them. Never been there but I see jail as adult time out, probably a bit harsher
I have been thinking about how can we put this experience with our son to use as a positive in a more personal and effective way. With this blog we have come into the open. That has been a helpful experience for Mom and Dad. We stopped hiding quite a while ago, and got over the embarrassment and shame. My thoughts now are centered on creating a presentation for parents of teenagers. The experience of being a parent of an addict. I'm now trying to find the best way of communicating lessons learned, and making it easier for those parents that are "lost" in this world of addiction or parents that are aware that this can happen to anyone and want information and knowledge. We'd have given our right arm to know then what we know now, but I also recognize this is very personal for every person and learning happens at the pace an individual allows it to happen. I took a big step today, I contacted a friend within our local school district and offered my services to speak to parents or teachers. This would be my first step and I really hope they see the benefit of having a person speaking in first person about the experience and learning.
It has been quiet on the home front. We are just getting ready for our Fall Festival that we hold each year. Been waiting on the grocery stores to put all the ingredients needed on sale and this week the chili beans and crackers hit the sale advertisement. That fills out our list. I'll pick up 60 cans of chili beans tonight. Already have 25 pounds of hamburger cooked up and nearly 200 hot dogs waiting for fire. I hope it is cooler this year than it has been for the last couple years. Last couple years it has been nearly 80 and it is hard to get in the mood for Fall when it is that warm.
Son is still in jail and will be until Nov. 29. If you don't know what it is like living with an addict you would probably think we are mean and cruel but the peace and rest of having him away for a while is rejuvenating. We do not visit while he is in jail. Someone ask me about that the other day and I explained it like time out. When you send your little one to time out it is not effective if as soon as they are sitting in the corner you run over and begin reading a book to them. Never been there but I see jail as adult time out, probably a bit harsher
I have been thinking about how can we put this experience with our son to use as a positive in a more personal and effective way. With this blog we have come into the open. That has been a helpful experience for Mom and Dad. We stopped hiding quite a while ago, and got over the embarrassment and shame. My thoughts now are centered on creating a presentation for parents of teenagers. The experience of being a parent of an addict. I'm now trying to find the best way of communicating lessons learned, and making it easier for those parents that are "lost" in this world of addiction or parents that are aware that this can happen to anyone and want information and knowledge. We'd have given our right arm to know then what we know now, but I also recognize this is very personal for every person and learning happens at the pace an individual allows it to happen. I took a big step today, I contacted a friend within our local school district and offered my services to speak to parents or teachers. This would be my first step and I really hope they see the benefit of having a person speaking in first person about the experience and learning.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Good Question
Last night at dinner, friends posed a very good question. If Alex was a bright rebellious 13 year old again what would you look for and try to change.
Many many things came to mind immediately when you think about what would I do different. We've ask ourselves that question 100's of times but my time machine still has a few bugs so I am reluctant to begin human testing. But quickly I came up with 3 things we didn't think were so critical but in hindsight we believe had a huge impact on his life today.
1. Know your child's friends. I don't mean the names or stories. Know them, their habits, their parents and what they are interested in. If your child talks about his friends but they do not hang out at your house. They won't bring them over to meet you or let you get to know them. RED FLAGS!!! Your child knows you won't approve if you are not allowed to meet and hang with his friends too.
2. Skate parks mix all ages. you will find 10 years to 19 year old at these places. When younger kids mix with older kids the younger kids will soak up every bad habit and word the older ones do and say. We may think that 17 year old and maturity is an oxymoron but 17 year old does have a different maturity level than a 14 year old and 14 year old idolize and worship being a part of an older group. Teenagers belong with their own age, sometimes even 1 year difference can make a difference, especially if you have a mature 16 and an immature 15 year old. Why am I picking on skate parks? Skate parks are unsupervised and most of the time I see very few parents sitting there just watching their 14 year old son for hours on end skating.
3. Your child's group, click, gang, buds or whatever you want to call it. Whoever you child is hanging with is a mirror image of your child. If your child is hanging with some bad characters and you make excuses that "my kid is a good influence on them." (we did this) I got a bridge in Brooklyn for sale and it is a bargain price just for you and you only.
These three things were just from the top of my head. The common thing that is overriding in these three things is you must be involved in your kids life. We were involved but sometimes bad things still happen. What haunts us is "what if, what if, and what if." My thoughts are, when you think you are involved, just try a little harder and insist on a little more involvement and intervention. We all know how much a teenager wants their parents in there life, most of them are actually begging for it, right? "No" and "leave me alone" and "treat me like an adult" are not permission slips for us to abdicate our responsibility.
I wanted to post some things about this, and maybe list something that you can do before they start down the wrong path. You go to the drug prevention sites and you get a lot of info about how to tell if your kid using. Bad grades, mood changes, being secretive, these are things after the horse left the barn. If you have read this far and have other thoughts we'd love to have a list of ideas from people that have had the experience.
This isn't a list of do this, then everthing will be fine. These are just some thoughts of parents that have been there.
Many many things came to mind immediately when you think about what would I do different. We've ask ourselves that question 100's of times but my time machine still has a few bugs so I am reluctant to begin human testing. But quickly I came up with 3 things we didn't think were so critical but in hindsight we believe had a huge impact on his life today.
1. Know your child's friends. I don't mean the names or stories. Know them, their habits, their parents and what they are interested in. If your child talks about his friends but they do not hang out at your house. They won't bring them over to meet you or let you get to know them. RED FLAGS!!! Your child knows you won't approve if you are not allowed to meet and hang with his friends too.
2. Skate parks mix all ages. you will find 10 years to 19 year old at these places. When younger kids mix with older kids the younger kids will soak up every bad habit and word the older ones do and say. We may think that 17 year old and maturity is an oxymoron but 17 year old does have a different maturity level than a 14 year old and 14 year old idolize and worship being a part of an older group. Teenagers belong with their own age, sometimes even 1 year difference can make a difference, especially if you have a mature 16 and an immature 15 year old. Why am I picking on skate parks? Skate parks are unsupervised and most of the time I see very few parents sitting there just watching their 14 year old son for hours on end skating.
3. Your child's group, click, gang, buds or whatever you want to call it. Whoever you child is hanging with is a mirror image of your child. If your child is hanging with some bad characters and you make excuses that "my kid is a good influence on them." (we did this) I got a bridge in Brooklyn for sale and it is a bargain price just for you and you only.
These three things were just from the top of my head. The common thing that is overriding in these three things is you must be involved in your kids life. We were involved but sometimes bad things still happen. What haunts us is "what if, what if, and what if." My thoughts are, when you think you are involved, just try a little harder and insist on a little more involvement and intervention. We all know how much a teenager wants their parents in there life, most of them are actually begging for it, right? "No" and "leave me alone" and "treat me like an adult" are not permission slips for us to abdicate our responsibility.
I wanted to post some things about this, and maybe list something that you can do before they start down the wrong path. You go to the drug prevention sites and you get a lot of info about how to tell if your kid using. Bad grades, mood changes, being secretive, these are things after the horse left the barn. If you have read this far and have other thoughts we'd love to have a list of ideas from people that have had the experience.
This isn't a list of do this, then everthing will be fine. These are just some thoughts of parents that have been there.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Imposing
An update, our son is in jail for a probation violation. On good behavior his release would be Nov. 29. If he has troubles he will stay longer. This time so far has given me a chance to deliberate upon my own problems and actions concerning his addiction.
It is difficult for me to recognize that my son is an adult and responsible for his own actions. I think that comes with the territory of being a parent. As many of you know that follow this blog he is 21 years old. It is easy to recognize that age as an adult in others but with him and for me I struggle at times. This I must do for him to get better.
Most of you know I am a control freak, I have written about that many times and it helps when I am able to write and do a third party analysis on my own behavior and thoughts. As a part of my efforts to control I impose upon my son. I try to impose my lifestyle, my interests, my values and my "words of wisdom". I think that is OK and may work when they are young but when they get older and begin developing their own life it think it doesn't work as well.
When he is released it will be difficult. The urge to help him and push him into doing what is right is strong but those tactics have been an abysmal failure to date. It is time for us to allow him to succeed or fail on his own. I believe this time if he fails it will be catastrophic but I'm not sure mom or dad have to power to prevent his fall. Nor do we have the power to make him succeed.
I must not impose upon him what I believe. He will figure on his own what works and doesn't. I'm not sure I have anything left to tell him or teach him that I haven't already tried.
It is time for life and others to provide the lessons.
It is difficult for me to recognize that my son is an adult and responsible for his own actions. I think that comes with the territory of being a parent. As many of you know that follow this blog he is 21 years old. It is easy to recognize that age as an adult in others but with him and for me I struggle at times. This I must do for him to get better.
Most of you know I am a control freak, I have written about that many times and it helps when I am able to write and do a third party analysis on my own behavior and thoughts. As a part of my efforts to control I impose upon my son. I try to impose my lifestyle, my interests, my values and my "words of wisdom". I think that is OK and may work when they are young but when they get older and begin developing their own life it think it doesn't work as well.
When he is released it will be difficult. The urge to help him and push him into doing what is right is strong but those tactics have been an abysmal failure to date. It is time for us to allow him to succeed or fail on his own. I believe this time if he fails it will be catastrophic but I'm not sure mom or dad have to power to prevent his fall. Nor do we have the power to make him succeed.
I must not impose upon him what I believe. He will figure on his own what works and doesn't. I'm not sure I have anything left to tell him or teach him that I haven't already tried.
It is time for life and others to provide the lessons.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
KC Readers
If you are a regular reader of this blog and live in the KC area e-mail me a note, I have something for you.
teamplayer@aol.com
Monday, August 31, 2009
Weekends Can Help To Heal
We spent the weekend at the lake. We needed the escape. It can be healing to and helpful just to change the scenery.
When our son is not in jail we share the experience that many of you have. Weekends are often a dreaded time. Seems as if you look forward to the time off work but those phone calls in the middle of the night disturb any relaxation.
I still struggle every day to understand what drives this addiction crap. Accepting is not something that comes easy for me. As someone that has not experienced an addiction it is difficult to me that a conscience decision to abandon that lifestyle is not simply just a choice that can be made.
With that I accept my son and the life he lives. I don't condone it, I don't understand it but it comes with the territory. I must accept it. That in no way means I must continue on with the same life I have been living for the last 6 years. At some point he must accept my life and my conditions to maintain a typical father/son relationship also. Maybe he isn't there yet, and maybe I'm not there yet. Tomorrow is another day.
When our son is not in jail we share the experience that many of you have. Weekends are often a dreaded time. Seems as if you look forward to the time off work but those phone calls in the middle of the night disturb any relaxation.
I still struggle every day to understand what drives this addiction crap. Accepting is not something that comes easy for me. As someone that has not experienced an addiction it is difficult to me that a conscience decision to abandon that lifestyle is not simply just a choice that can be made.
With that I accept my son and the life he lives. I don't condone it, I don't understand it but it comes with the territory. I must accept it. That in no way means I must continue on with the same life I have been living for the last 6 years. At some point he must accept my life and my conditions to maintain a typical father/son relationship also. Maybe he isn't there yet, and maybe I'm not there yet. Tomorrow is another day.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Right Thing, Wrong Feelings
It has been a miserable week for me. In my head I know I did the right thing. But it has been a terrible struggle in my heart.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A Tougher Road
My son just called me from jail. He had a plan. His plan was he had the money to try and bond out and then he would be able to come to work tomorrow.
I just told him, Alex, what part didn't you understand, I told you up front if you screw'd up you would be fired. You are fired.
There was a long pause, he then said he'd just stay in jail.
I don't know if I was right or wrong but I fired my son for his own good. I must live with it now and it is real hard.
48 Hours
48 Hours, that's all it takes for him to drag another crisis into our lives. We return from vacation, relaxed, de-stressed and guess what, he's now in jail.
When I got back to work it wasn't normal. I just had a feeling. There wasn't the normal banter and chat with a few people. Things just seemed strained. I had a feeling, something happened. Then a couple of my co-workers told me they didn't think Alex was going to make it, not in those words but that was the meaning I took. I didn't even ask for details.
When he was taken back to The Center after work they took him straight to jail. Of course he called and was wanting sympathy. Of course he had a story, that would only make sense to an addict. No more sympathy or understanding to give here. We don't pay bail and we don't visit jailbirds. He said maybe he would get out in Nov. Hope he has someplace to go because I have ridden this ride as far as I want to go.
I am angry and resigned. His mother and I have done all we know to do. As I have said it really is up to him but we wanted to help. After much contemplation last night I have come to realization that recovery and sobriety is probably a long shot and incarceration or death is the more likely outcome. I am prepared.
I only have one question:
WHAT IS SO DAMN HARD ABOUT LIVING A LIFE OF HONOR?
Oh well, just another day at the office, terminate an employee for failure to maintain acceptable attendance. I guess that sounds good. If he's in jail he can't come to work. I told him I'd fire him if he screwed up and he will see I am a man of my word. Does anyone know, do they accept registered letters at the county jail?
When I got back to work it wasn't normal. I just had a feeling. There wasn't the normal banter and chat with a few people. Things just seemed strained. I had a feeling, something happened. Then a couple of my co-workers told me they didn't think Alex was going to make it, not in those words but that was the meaning I took. I didn't even ask for details.
When he was taken back to The Center after work they took him straight to jail. Of course he called and was wanting sympathy. Of course he had a story, that would only make sense to an addict. No more sympathy or understanding to give here. We don't pay bail and we don't visit jailbirds. He said maybe he would get out in Nov. Hope he has someplace to go because I have ridden this ride as far as I want to go.
I am angry and resigned. His mother and I have done all we know to do. As I have said it really is up to him but we wanted to help. After much contemplation last night I have come to realization that recovery and sobriety is probably a long shot and incarceration or death is the more likely outcome. I am prepared.
I only have one question:
WHAT IS SO DAMN HARD ABOUT LIVING A LIFE OF HONOR?
Oh well, just another day at the office, terminate an employee for failure to maintain acceptable attendance. I guess that sounds good. If he's in jail he can't come to work. I told him I'd fire him if he screwed up and he will see I am a man of my word. Does anyone know, do they accept registered letters at the county jail?
Monday, August 24, 2009
We Are Home
We're back..........regretfully.
First leg of trip.
Kinsley, KS
It was a wonderful time. We have been to the Rockies many times but seeing them on a
motorcycle was completely different. The only way I have come to describe how different it is, think of riding in a car and seeing the mountains. That is like viewing the scenery on a 19" analog television. Seeing them on a motorcycle is like viewing the scenery on a 60" plasma high definition television. On a bike you feel like you are a part of the scene, you feel the wind gusts, you feel the temperature differences, you smell the pines, you see not through tinted windshields but through your own eyes, you can even feel the freshness and smell the the streams as they rush and ramble over the rocks. We'd take off to do this again tomorrow if we could. Never knew what we were missing riding in a cage, (car). 
I took the computer for e-mail but didn't keep up on reading blogs or writing in ours. We took a real vacation, called home once and the phone was in the tour pack so no checking in except at night. We were so lucky, never once took rain suits out of the pouch, and when you think of 8 days in the Rockies and no rain, lucky. On top of the mountain at Rocky Mountain National Park we had snow flurries and 40 degrees. Even that was exciting. Coming through Wyoming we could see the rain and hail in the clouds moving east in front of us. As we got closer to the storm clouds they were just passing, all of a sudden hailstones hit us. By the time I could pull over it was done. The road wasn't even wet, just a few hailstones laying the side. Antelope herds in Wyoming on the side of the road, glad they stayed on the side of the road. As soon as you slowed they took off on a run.
Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse memorials. On a cool factor, Mt Rushmore was a 7.5, Crazy Horse was a 9. The Crazy Horse memorial is completely being done on a volunteer basis with private contributions. http://www.crazyhorsememorial.org/ One man started it and for pretty much 10 years worked alone. They have been working for 50 years on this and work will go on for another 50 years. His children and widow are carrying on the work. It was magnificent. When done it will be multiple times larger than Mt. Rushmore. There was so much more to see at Crazy Horse and it was so accessible. Native Americans staffed a cultural center and were hand making jewelry, blankets, dresses and toys for you to purchase. The proceeds help to build the memorial. The atmosphere at Crazy Horse was casual and reverent. Mt. Rushmore was built as a government project and it is a designated national park. As such, it is manned by the Park Service. The carving was magnificent. When you looked at the presidents it was almost as if they were looking back at you. It only took 14 years to complete the memorial and that included fundraising and Congressional bickering. The feeling at Mt. Rushmore was almost cold, all the park service employees dressed in their uniforms and you had a feeling they were there watching you instead of helping you. At Crazy Horse they even had a bin of rocks from carving the memorial. This bin of rocks were for you to take a rock with you home to be a part of the experience and the land. At Rushmore you were almost afraid to even touch a rock in fear you would be hauled away for violating some federal regulation.
We visited a mine in Creed, CO. The Last Chance Mine. That mine and The Crazy Horse Memorial were our favorite places, another cool factor 9. An individual bought this mine and has it open to public to see what mining was like long ago. He is doing this work himself. It was awe inspiring to see his passion and dedication. Some of the story is on their website. http://www.lastchancemine.com/ this mine was way up in the mountains above Creed and we would have NEVER known about this if our cousins had not taken us there. This place was one of the true highlights of our trip. In the picture below we had been talking to the owner and restorer of the mine. You can actually make a request to spend a night in a cabin at the mine. He is a truck driver during the week on his "regular job". The mine is open only Saturday's and Sunday's. A job and a passion. I'd be hard pressed to get me into that truck with an adventure like that mine waiting for me every day. He pays for his passion by selling rocks and jewels from the mine. He had amethyst and turquoise and other gems he has taken from the mine for sale in those boxes you see on tables behind us.
We rode through The Badlands. It is possible to see beauty in desolation.
We tried to stay off the interstates as much as possible. 2 lane state highways provided much of our enjoyment. Small towns, cornfields, sunflower fields, pastures and wildlife provide scenery that you would never see on an interstate highway. Small town cafes provided our meals. There are some good cooks out there, but there are some bad ones too. How is it you can mess up a breakfast of sausage and eggs, but some can.
We truly made this a vacation. We did not agonize over our son. We figured it is what it is, and when we return if there was a crisis it could wait. Closer to home.
First leg of trip.
Kinsley, KSIt was a wonderful time. We have been to the Rockies many times but seeing them on a
motorcycle was completely different. The only way I have come to describe how different it is, think of riding in a car and seeing the mountains. That is like viewing the scenery on a 19" analog television. Seeing them on a motorcycle is like viewing the scenery on a 60" plasma high definition television. On a bike you feel like you are a part of the scene, you feel the wind gusts, you feel the temperature differences, you smell the pines, you see not through tinted windshields but through your own eyes, you can even feel the freshness and smell the the streams as they rush and ramble over the rocks. We'd take off to do this again tomorrow if we could. Never knew what we were missing riding in a cage, (car). 
I took the computer for e-mail but didn't keep up on reading blogs or writing in ours. We took a real vacation, called home once and the phone was in the tour pack so no checking in except at night. We were so lucky, never once took rain suits out of the pouch, and when you think of 8 days in the Rockies and no rain, lucky. On top of the mountain at Rocky Mountain National Park we had snow flurries and 40 degrees. Even that was exciting. Coming through Wyoming we could see the rain and hail in the clouds moving east in front of us. As we got closer to the storm clouds they were just passing, all of a sudden hailstones hit us. By the time I could pull over it was done. The road wasn't even wet, just a few hailstones laying the side. Antelope herds in Wyoming on the side of the road, glad they stayed on the side of the road. As soon as you slowed they took off on a run.
Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse memorials. On a cool factor, Mt Rushmore was a 7.5, Crazy Horse was a 9. The Crazy Horse memorial is completely being done on a volunteer basis with private contributions. http://www.crazyhorsememorial.org/ One man started it and for pretty much 10 years worked alone. They have been working for 50 years on this and work will go on for another 50 years. His children and widow are carrying on the work. It was magnificent. When done it will be multiple times larger than Mt. Rushmore. There was so much more to see at Crazy Horse and it was so accessible. Native Americans staffed a cultural center and were hand making jewelry, blankets, dresses and toys for you to purchase. The proceeds help to build the memorial. The atmosphere at Crazy Horse was casual and reverent. Mt. Rushmore was built as a government project and it is a designated national park. As such, it is manned by the Park Service. The carving was magnificent. When you looked at the presidents it was almost as if they were looking back at you. It only took 14 years to complete the memorial and that included fundraising and Congressional bickering. The feeling at Mt. Rushmore was almost cold, all the park service employees dressed in their uniforms and you had a feeling they were there watching you instead of helping you. At Crazy Horse they even had a bin of rocks from carving the memorial. This bin of rocks were for you to take a rock with you home to be a part of the experience and the land. At Rushmore you were almost afraid to even touch a rock in fear you would be hauled away for violating some federal regulation.
We visited a mine in Creed, CO. The Last Chance Mine. That mine and The Crazy Horse Memorial were our favorite places, another cool factor 9. An individual bought this mine and has it open to public to see what mining was like long ago. He is doing this work himself. It was awe inspiring to see his passion and dedication. Some of the story is on their website. http://www.lastchancemine.com/ this mine was way up in the mountains above Creed and we would have NEVER known about this if our cousins had not taken us there. This place was one of the true highlights of our trip. In the picture below we had been talking to the owner and restorer of the mine. You can actually make a request to spend a night in a cabin at the mine. He is a truck driver during the week on his "regular job". The mine is open only Saturday's and Sunday's. A job and a passion. I'd be hard pressed to get me into that truck with an adventure like that mine waiting for me every day. He pays for his passion by selling rocks and jewels from the mine. He had amethyst and turquoise and other gems he has taken from the mine for sale in those boxes you see on tables behind us.
We rode through The Badlands. It is possible to see beauty in desolation.
We tried to stay off the interstates as much as possible. 2 lane state highways provided much of our enjoyment. Small towns, cornfields, sunflower fields, pastures and wildlife provide scenery that you would never see on an interstate highway. Small town cafes provided our meals. There are some good cooks out there, but there are some bad ones too. How is it you can mess up a breakfast of sausage and eggs, but some can.
We truly made this a vacation. We did not agonize over our son. We figured it is what it is, and when we return if there was a crisis it could wait. Closer to home.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Vacation Time
We are leaving for Colorado this afternoon as soon as mom gets home from work. I am very excited, like a kid on Christmas Eve I didn't sleep at all last night.
We are in a good place today. The girls are OK and Alex seems to be getting his head on straight. He still has setbacks but now it seems it is more like one step forward and only a half step backwards. That is progress, he use to be one step forward, half a dozen back.
Dad and son had a chance to talk yesterday afternoon. Seems like our talks end up with me delving into some of my lessons of life and I sense it is usually all for naught. Yesterday I am hoping we made a crack in the wall of defense.
We talked about his setbacks. He kept saying he was trying as hard as he could to follow all the rules and change all the way. I told him my philosophy on "trying". Trying is the first step down the path of failure. Trying is the first excuse out of the mouth of a person not committed. Trying gives us a ready made "out" for any complications or setbacks. Trying is a measurement of effort, not accomplishment. I ask him to remember, the last time he was measured on effort was in second grade on his grade card. I told him as long as he was trying he was setting himself for failure and continued heartache about his life, his addiction and his situation.
Successful people do. I will do are the first words out of the mouth of a committed person. To do, is to succeed. To do is positive, to try is a negative. I believe strongly he needs to take the negativity out of his mind to succeed.
In addition, using a point I got from a fellow blogger, I ask him what he was going to do completely different this time when he is released to remain clean and live honorably. I suggested he come up with five things completely different and then write them down on a piece of paper. Made me feel good that he was the one that brought up setting clear goals. He said he wanted to say it before I said it again. LOL I have harped on goals for all my kids lives, I know they hate it but it is one of those things that I credit for success.
To end the conversation he told me he would do these things to change. I think that was the first time I ever heard him say anything other than he would try, and that usually came with a pleading tone.
Now it's wait and see.
We are in a good place today. The girls are OK and Alex seems to be getting his head on straight. He still has setbacks but now it seems it is more like one step forward and only a half step backwards. That is progress, he use to be one step forward, half a dozen back.
Dad and son had a chance to talk yesterday afternoon. Seems like our talks end up with me delving into some of my lessons of life and I sense it is usually all for naught. Yesterday I am hoping we made a crack in the wall of defense.
We talked about his setbacks. He kept saying he was trying as hard as he could to follow all the rules and change all the way. I told him my philosophy on "trying". Trying is the first step down the path of failure. Trying is the first excuse out of the mouth of a person not committed. Trying gives us a ready made "out" for any complications or setbacks. Trying is a measurement of effort, not accomplishment. I ask him to remember, the last time he was measured on effort was in second grade on his grade card. I told him as long as he was trying he was setting himself for failure and continued heartache about his life, his addiction and his situation.
Successful people do. I will do are the first words out of the mouth of a committed person. To do, is to succeed. To do is positive, to try is a negative. I believe strongly he needs to take the negativity out of his mind to succeed.
In addition, using a point I got from a fellow blogger, I ask him what he was going to do completely different this time when he is released to remain clean and live honorably. I suggested he come up with five things completely different and then write them down on a piece of paper. Made me feel good that he was the one that brought up setting clear goals. He said he wanted to say it before I said it again. LOL I have harped on goals for all my kids lives, I know they hate it but it is one of those things that I credit for success.
To end the conversation he told me he would do these things to change. I think that was the first time I ever heard him say anything other than he would try, and that usually came with a pleading tone.
Now it's wait and see.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Dwelling On Mistakes
It is the time that everyone with school age children is packing them off to school. An exciting time if they are old enough for college. It was always an exciting time when we sent each of of kids off to college. Dad and Mom did not take advantage of that opportunity to go to college when we were young; and with kids and life we never got around to it. So when our kids were packing and excited to go off to college we were proud and very excited to see the doors that could be opened for them with an education.
With our son we had the same excitement. If he had stayed in college this would have been his senior year. He had big plans too, but something in a needle got in his way.
Three years ago we were naive. We knew he had used but had no idea to the extent of his addiction. Neither of us had any experience with any type of addiction. We were probably like many others that are in this place now, we considered it a phase he would grow out of in time. During the summer he was getting ready for school I took him to a NA meeting. It was an open meeting so I stayed too. I spoke with a couple of addicts in recovery at the meeting and told them about his plans for school. At that time I had not faced up to, nor had any understanding of this problem. They both advised, do not send him away to school. How I wished I had listened.
Sending him away to school allowed the freedom he needed to do anything he wanted. He became out of control. Twice in the emergency room, once unconscious and not breathing he nearly died. This all in the first semester. Kicked out of the dorms so he crashed with a bunch of other users. Finally, when we got that call from the hospital in the middle of the night that he was unconscious and they were trying to restore his breathing and to come quickly we realized the gravity of our situation.
After that episode we got him into rehab. We got him into rehab that next day, I went back to the house where he was crashing and could not find anyone so I climbed through a window and got his clothes and stuff. That is my only episode of B&E in my life. I would not be a good burglar. Hell as big as mess as there was in that house I'm sure the other druggies didn't even realize anyone had been in there.
My point in bringing all of this up. Addiction doesn't cure itself. We learned that a hard way. Sending our son off to college with a problem that is bigger than him and bigger than us will not make the problem go away, the problem loves that scenario.
The title of my post may be a bit misleading. We no longer dwell on this mistake. However, we did dwell on it for a long time. As parents of addicts learn, the past is over, we must prepare for the present and the future is too far off to consider. One of the most important things we keep in mind now after every episode with with our son, good or bad, "What have we learned?"
This time of year we see the excitement and promise of parents sending their kids to college. Listening to them talk about the expenses and complaining about writing so many checks and getting loans for tuition, books, housing and food. (I'd rather go broke writing checks to colleges than rehab facilities) It has been a long road but I now feel joy for them instead of wallowing in my own regrets.
ps.: In my last post I mentioned a hearing that Alex had to attend for missing the bus. Last night one of the hearing officers was a no show so it has been moved to Monday.
With our son we had the same excitement. If he had stayed in college this would have been his senior year. He had big plans too, but something in a needle got in his way.
Three years ago we were naive. We knew he had used but had no idea to the extent of his addiction. Neither of us had any experience with any type of addiction. We were probably like many others that are in this place now, we considered it a phase he would grow out of in time. During the summer he was getting ready for school I took him to a NA meeting. It was an open meeting so I stayed too. I spoke with a couple of addicts in recovery at the meeting and told them about his plans for school. At that time I had not faced up to, nor had any understanding of this problem. They both advised, do not send him away to school. How I wished I had listened.
Sending him away to school allowed the freedom he needed to do anything he wanted. He became out of control. Twice in the emergency room, once unconscious and not breathing he nearly died. This all in the first semester. Kicked out of the dorms so he crashed with a bunch of other users. Finally, when we got that call from the hospital in the middle of the night that he was unconscious and they were trying to restore his breathing and to come quickly we realized the gravity of our situation.
After that episode we got him into rehab. We got him into rehab that next day, I went back to the house where he was crashing and could not find anyone so I climbed through a window and got his clothes and stuff. That is my only episode of B&E in my life. I would not be a good burglar. Hell as big as mess as there was in that house I'm sure the other druggies didn't even realize anyone had been in there.
My point in bringing all of this up. Addiction doesn't cure itself. We learned that a hard way. Sending our son off to college with a problem that is bigger than him and bigger than us will not make the problem go away, the problem loves that scenario.
The title of my post may be a bit misleading. We no longer dwell on this mistake. However, we did dwell on it for a long time. As parents of addicts learn, the past is over, we must prepare for the present and the future is too far off to consider. One of the most important things we keep in mind now after every episode with with our son, good or bad, "What have we learned?"
This time of year we see the excitement and promise of parents sending their kids to college. Listening to them talk about the expenses and complaining about writing so many checks and getting loans for tuition, books, housing and food. (I'd rather go broke writing checks to colleges than rehab facilities) It has been a long road but I now feel joy for them instead of wallowing in my own regrets.
ps.: In my last post I mentioned a hearing that Alex had to attend for missing the bus. Last night one of the hearing officers was a no show so it has been moved to Monday.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
An Emotional Teeter-Totter
Up and Down, Up and Down, Up and Down
How many metaphors can be used for this roller coaster ride that is officially called "parent of an addict".
We came back from the lake and had a wonderful time while we were there. It was hot, over 100 degrees, but it is hard to become overheated when you are neck deep in water. Just sunburns your nose a little. I don't think there is a SPF high enough to keep that from happening. Mom gets mad at me for sunburning my nose. She says I'm going to get cancer on my nose and they will cut it off like Micheal Jackson's.
I came to work on Monday and spoke with my son. He told me that he was in trouble. On Saturday he was taken to Walmart for some shampoo and he missed the bus back to The Center. Of course, he had an excuse, seems like addicts never run out of excuses. On Wednesday he has to go to a hearing on him not being where he was suppose to be when he was suppose to be there. I don't really know the details, don't really care about them either. But he did tell me one of the possible consequences was that they could send him back to jail instead of The Center. I told him that if he goes to jail and cannot come to work he is fired. I will not hold his job.
Mom is stressing over this. My position and what I told her was that he didn't ask her permission so his actions are his consequences. She needs to let go of his actions being a reflection of her actions.
On Friday we are leaving on our motorcycle trip to Colorado and South Dakota. I am so anxious to go that it is hard to concentrate on work. Mom and I need this escape. No cell phone talking while on the bike! This may lead to withdrawal symptoms for Mom. Is there a 12 step program for telephone to ear syndrome.
How many metaphors can be used for this roller coaster ride that is officially called "parent of an addict".
We came back from the lake and had a wonderful time while we were there. It was hot, over 100 degrees, but it is hard to become overheated when you are neck deep in water. Just sunburns your nose a little. I don't think there is a SPF high enough to keep that from happening. Mom gets mad at me for sunburning my nose. She says I'm going to get cancer on my nose and they will cut it off like Micheal Jackson's.
I came to work on Monday and spoke with my son. He told me that he was in trouble. On Saturday he was taken to Walmart for some shampoo and he missed the bus back to The Center. Of course, he had an excuse, seems like addicts never run out of excuses. On Wednesday he has to go to a hearing on him not being where he was suppose to be when he was suppose to be there. I don't really know the details, don't really care about them either. But he did tell me one of the possible consequences was that they could send him back to jail instead of The Center. I told him that if he goes to jail and cannot come to work he is fired. I will not hold his job.
Mom is stressing over this. My position and what I told her was that he didn't ask her permission so his actions are his consequences. She needs to let go of his actions being a reflection of her actions.
On Friday we are leaving on our motorcycle trip to Colorado and South Dakota. I am so anxious to go that it is hard to concentrate on work. Mom and I need this escape. No cell phone talking while on the bike! This may lead to withdrawal symptoms for Mom. Is there a 12 step program for telephone to ear syndrome.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The Scourge
As I write I am selfish. I write what is in me, I write to make myself feel better, I write to organize my thoughts and I write to re-enforce my changing beliefs about addiction. Writing is hard but it is therapeutic. I have met many, many wise and experienced people dealing with this scourge on humanity. The only way I know to repay this debt is to offer my assistance to others suffering.
I have my e-mail posted on our blog for that reason. I want to be open and truly appreciative to others that have supported and helped us so much. With that, others write me and I only wish I had something tangible to offer, but in our experience, support is all that can be offered and it is actually what is most appreciated. In that vein of thought I have another hurting parent that has joined us and I think she may need some support with her struggle.
http://renee-mentalimages.blogspot.com/
I have my e-mail posted on our blog for that reason. I want to be open and truly appreciative to others that have supported and helped us so much. With that, others write me and I only wish I had something tangible to offer, but in our experience, support is all that can be offered and it is actually what is most appreciated. In that vein of thought I have another hurting parent that has joined us and I think she may need some support with her struggle.
http://renee-mentalimages.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Lifeboats.....again?
When I first began this blog I wrote about the lifeboats Mom and I had used during this struggle. At that time it seemed like when we boarded the lifeboat it was if we had been treading water for hours and barely pulled ourselves over the side waiting for rescue. We have been having a good time with our son for a little while and I have had time to reflect on the critical need of these distractions from the everyday grind of dealing with an addict. So, why am I writing about lifeboats again?
When I spoke about lifeboats those months ago I talked about how important it is to get away for just a few hours. Mentally check out from the drugs, the behaviors, and the legal issues. When I look back I see those lifeboats were our salvation from insanity. Anyone dealing with an addicted loved one knows that you feel like you are going crazy, the world no longer makes sense to a rational human being when you are living in the world with an addicted child.
The ability to really take advantage of the protection of your lifeboat is to be able to detach for that small amount of time. We struggled with that, there were even times we got calls while we were out by oursleves from our son after he was taken to jail. It is hard to completely detach but we tried and it does get frustrating with no time alone, but it is necessary.
We are boarding our lifeboat again for a couple of trips. The first is on Thursday, we are going to Grand Lake in Oklahoma for four days. It will be relaxing and we are water people so just to be swimming and cruising in the boat will be very welcome. We will be visiting with family and I think it will be a wonderful event.
When we return from the lake we will go back to work for five days and then take off on a long motorcycle tour. We are anxiously awaiting this adventure. Mom has never been on a long trip. We are leaving from KC and going to visit a cousin in southwest Colorado. They have been inviting us for a long time but circumstances have always conspired against us. I guess we allowed our addicts life to hold us hostage. My cousins say they are excited about us coming and are talking about riding ATV's in the mountains and river rafting. Sounds like a blast to me. From there we are riding up the back range of the Rockies to Rocky Mountain National Park and to Estes Park. Absolutely no hurry, anything that looks interesting will get a stop and a look see. When we get to Estes Park our next leg will take us north through Wyoming to South Dakota and a ride through the Black Hills, visit Mount Rushmore and then through The Badlands on the way home. This trip will be about 2500 miles but we are taking 9 days. We are so excited and we are getting our gear together. Mom is stressed about packing so little in one saddlebag and half a luggage for a trip this long but I have told her this isn't a beauty contest and she looks beautiful in helmet hair.
I think we will be able to enjoy these trips because we feel so much more confident now with our son. We both know how tenuous this confidence can be but, from our experience you must have something to help you maintain your own sanity.
Here is a link to my first posting on lifeboats in case you are interested or missed it.
http://www.parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2009/01/lifeboats.html
When I spoke about lifeboats those months ago I talked about how important it is to get away for just a few hours. Mentally check out from the drugs, the behaviors, and the legal issues. When I look back I see those lifeboats were our salvation from insanity. Anyone dealing with an addicted loved one knows that you feel like you are going crazy, the world no longer makes sense to a rational human being when you are living in the world with an addicted child.
The ability to really take advantage of the protection of your lifeboat is to be able to detach for that small amount of time. We struggled with that, there were even times we got calls while we were out by oursleves from our son after he was taken to jail. It is hard to completely detach but we tried and it does get frustrating with no time alone, but it is necessary.
We are boarding our lifeboat again for a couple of trips. The first is on Thursday, we are going to Grand Lake in Oklahoma for four days. It will be relaxing and we are water people so just to be swimming and cruising in the boat will be very welcome. We will be visiting with family and I think it will be a wonderful event.
When we return from the lake we will go back to work for five days and then take off on a long motorcycle tour. We are anxiously awaiting this adventure. Mom has never been on a long trip. We are leaving from KC and going to visit a cousin in southwest Colorado. They have been inviting us for a long time but circumstances have always conspired against us. I guess we allowed our addicts life to hold us hostage. My cousins say they are excited about us coming and are talking about riding ATV's in the mountains and river rafting. Sounds like a blast to me. From there we are riding up the back range of the Rockies to Rocky Mountain National Park and to Estes Park. Absolutely no hurry, anything that looks interesting will get a stop and a look see. When we get to Estes Park our next leg will take us north through Wyoming to South Dakota and a ride through the Black Hills, visit Mount Rushmore and then through The Badlands on the way home. This trip will be about 2500 miles but we are taking 9 days. We are so excited and we are getting our gear together. Mom is stressed about packing so little in one saddlebag and half a luggage for a trip this long but I have told her this isn't a beauty contest and she looks beautiful in helmet hair.
I think we will be able to enjoy these trips because we feel so much more confident now with our son. We both know how tenuous this confidence can be but, from our experience you must have something to help you maintain your own sanity.
Here is a link to my first posting on lifeboats in case you are interested or missed it.
http://www.parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2009/01/lifeboats.html
Thursday, July 30, 2009
What Is Support?
It is almost with a nervous anticipation I post this type of question, but I have never been shy or hesitant before.
As my son progresses in his recovery, even though it is in a highly structured environment I begin to contemplate next steps. What does support look like for an addict by their parents and loved ones? Support, enabling, love how does this all differ; and with an illness like this what really does help?
As I have struggled to accept addiction as a disease and not just a weakness of character I have wrestled with what is the role of a father or parents.
Treat me like a normal person is what I have heard from others suffering from other serious diseases. “Do for me only what I cannot do for myself.” This is what I have heard from others I have been close to suffering from diseases such as; cancer, arthritis, heart disease and other such debilitating diseases. These are probably wise words to apply to a recovering addict too, but I don’t know. This disease is not like diseases I have been exposed to in my past and certainly not something in which I have had close experience within my family.
I equate this to a homecoming, even though he will not be coming back to the family home, this seems equal to someone being released from a hospital after a long-term cancer treatment or something. Nothing is the same as before. Preparing the “home”, getting a healing attitude ingrained and preparation for caregivers. How does this work for an addict?
Guess maybe this goes to the control by dad but I seldom ever do anything without a plan. When I plan I prepare. I’m a firm believer success at anything is no accident and planning must be thorough to be successful. What stresses me is I know addicts especially those in the early stages of recovery are pretty much incapable of implementing a plan much beyond day by day. So my plan must be structured for me, but I have to recognize that the whole purpose of my plan is to provide support to one that is ill.
I’m not even sure I am asking the right questions but this is what has been weighing on my mind lately. This damn thing is awfully hard to flowchart.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The World of CAN and CAN’T
Last Friday I was discussing with my son our plans for the weekend. We were going to the lake for some rest, relaxation and boating. My son was envious. He grew up going to the lake. We have a Mastercraft Boat and he took to wakeboarding very naturally. He was good at wake-to-wake tricks and tried some inverts. However, the last time he went to the lake with us was a couple years ago. At that time we could tell the drugs had taken their toll on him and his athletic ability on the water. He didn’t have the physical strength to accomplish some of his tricks and he was completely unable to sync his coordination and timing. It was sad from my perspective to watch him but he had fun.
This discussion opened an opportunity to talk about what his life was like in comparison to a life of being clean and not in trouble with the law.
Can and Can’t sums up pretty well the differences in our life. We spoke of all the things he is not able to do now it his life. He can’t be free to go places he wants to go, even if they are good places because he is incarcerated. He can’t eat the food he wants to eat. He can’t visit or have the friends and feel free to socialize. He can’t get the medical and dental care he wants because of no money, no insurance and no freedom. He can’t watch the TV shows he wants to watch. He can’t play the games he wants to play. He can’t get the job he wants to work. He can’t go back to his schooling at this time to improve his life. He can’t go places even after he is out freely because he has to report to a PO.
Even when he was out of jail and free to do as he wished the world of can’t was unpleasant. So many of those things we took for granted he couldn’t do because he can’t get too far from his drug supply, He can’t get a decent job because of addiction and drugs tests. He can’t get his drugs so he has to commit crimes to get money to buy drugs. He can’t drive because he lost his license and we would not let him drive our vehicles.
He agreed the world of can’t is a real bitch and the root cause of all that was his addiction to the drugs.
We contrasted his world to his mothers and mine. We can work good jobs where we are respected and appreciated. We can make enough money to live in a nice home and drive nice cars and have motorcycles and boats to play. We can go visit anyone we chose when we chose. We can travel locally, nationally and internationally on vacations. We can eat what we want, when we want. We can play, watch TV, read, and call our leisure time our own. I told him all of this would disappear quickly for us if we made the decisions to use drugs and live the life he choose to live.
I believe it was sobering to him for this realization. He sat there quietly for some time. There was probably none of this he hadn’t considered individually before, but we grabbed all the pieces at once and it hit hard. A world of his choosing but also a world he can change.
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Same Story
Here is the address of another parent just beginning a blog about their addicted son. The story is the same as we have all gone through. It almost seems like our kids found a book titled "Using Drugs For Dummies", and follow it step by step religiously. . They all seem to follow the very same path of use behaviors and actions. It is uncannily similar to all I read in so may blogs.
http://sometimeshopedoesnotfloat.blogspot.com
http://sometimeshopedoesnotfloat.blogspot.com
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