Friday, August 14, 2009

Vacation Time

We are leaving for Colorado this afternoon as soon as mom gets home from work. I am very excited, like a kid on Christmas Eve I didn't sleep at all last night.

We are in a good place today. The girls are OK and Alex seems to be getting his head on straight. He still has setbacks but now it seems it is more like one step forward and only a half step backwards. That is progress, he use to be one step forward, half a dozen back.

Dad and son had a chance to talk yesterday afternoon. Seems like our talks end up with me delving into some of my lessons of life and I sense it is usually all for naught. Yesterday I am hoping we made a crack in the wall of defense.

We talked about his setbacks. He kept saying he was trying as hard as he could to follow all the rules and change all the way. I told him my philosophy on "trying". Trying is the first step down the path of failure. Trying is the first excuse out of the mouth of a person not committed. Trying gives us a ready made "out" for any complications or setbacks. Trying is a measurement of effort, not accomplishment. I ask him to remember, the last time he was measured on effort was in second grade on his grade card. I told him as long as he was trying he was setting himself for failure and continued heartache about his life, his addiction and his situation.

Successful people do. I will do are the first words out of the mouth of a committed person. To do, is to succeed. To do is positive, to try is a negative. I believe strongly he needs to take the negativity out of his mind to succeed.

In addition, using a point I got from a fellow blogger, I ask him what he was going to do completely different this time when he is released to remain clean and live honorably. I suggested he come up with five things completely different and then write them down on a piece of paper. Made me feel good that he was the one that brought up setting clear goals. He said he wanted to say it before I said it again. LOL I have harped on goals for all my kids lives, I know they hate it but it is one of those things that I credit for success.

To end the conversation he told me he would do these things to change. I think that was the first time I ever heard him say anything other than he would try, and that usually came with a pleading tone.

Now it's wait and see.


Anonymous said...

Have a wonderful, safe, and restful vacation! I admire you both....

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Have a fabulous and care free trip!

Gin said...

I love your honest conversations with him. I hope one day he realized how lucky he is to have parents like the two of you. You are not two parents that stick their head in the sand pretending that nothing is wrong because they can't face it. You have a pure and unselfish love for him. Have a wonderful trip.

Marsha said...

It does sound as if you have some progress happening!

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

This is so positive! I am going to look for an opportunity to have the "try vs do" conversation with my son.

Hope you and mom have a fantastic time!!! How can you not, it will be great!

big Jenn said...

I completely agree with what you say about trying. It sounds like your son is listening.
Now get your butt on that bike and DO have a great time! Ride safe!jeNN

Madison said...

After many years of conversation, my father narrowed his conversation about drugs and alcohol with my brother to two words. "Show me." My brother finally did after experiences much like your son. But, he got it together long after my father believed he would. No one in the family ever believed that he would get it together. He's OK today. So, keep the faith. Some people do get better.

Her Big Sad said...

I love the explanation of "try" versus "do"....I am going to share with my daughter when the time is right.

Wishing you and Mom a fantastic vacation! Hope you make some great memories and have a relaxing and refreshing (and safe!) time!

Fractalmom said...

i have this opinion, idea?

adults DO.

children wish.

some people remain children all their lives.

some children are adults.

ChaiLatte said...

I'm behind in the blogging world, but I'm hoping you and mom are having the most fabulous time on your vacation and so happy to read that your son is still making progress. It's all about progress, not perfection!

Syd said...

I hope that you have a good trip. Maybe he just needs to be before he can learn to act and do. I hope that he can learn to like himself and to respect himself. All seems to then come when what's inside feels good.