Thursday, September 17, 2009

Peaceful soon-to-be Autumn

I know autumn doesn't officially get here until next week.

It has been quiet on the home front. We are just getting ready for our Fall Festival that we hold each year. Been waiting on the grocery stores to put all the ingredients needed on sale and this week the chili beans and crackers hit the sale advertisement. That fills out our list. I'll pick up 60 cans of chili beans tonight. Already have 25 pounds of hamburger cooked up and nearly 200 hot dogs waiting for fire. I hope it is cooler this year than it has been for the last couple years. Last couple years it has been nearly 80 and it is hard to get in the mood for Fall when it is that warm.

Son is still in jail and will be until Nov. 29. If you don't know what it is like living with an addict you would probably think we are mean and cruel but the peace and rest of having him away for a while is rejuvenating. We do not visit while he is in jail. Someone ask me about that the other day and I explained it like time out. When you send your little one to time out it is not effective if as soon as they are sitting in the corner you run over and begin reading a book to them. Never been there but I see jail as adult time out, probably a bit harsher

I have been thinking about how can we put this experience with our son to use as a positive in a more personal and effective way. With this blog we have come into the open. That has been a helpful experience for Mom and Dad. We stopped hiding quite a while ago, and got over the embarrassment and shame. My thoughts now are centered on creating a presentation for parents of teenagers. The experience of being a parent of an addict. I'm now trying to find the best way of communicating lessons learned, and making it easier for those parents that are "lost" in this world of addiction or parents that are aware that this can happen to anyone and want information and knowledge. We'd have given our right arm to know then what we know now, but I also recognize this is very personal for every person and learning happens at the pace an individual allows it to happen. I took a big step today, I contacted a friend within our local school district and offered my services to speak to parents or teachers. This would be my first step and I really hope they see the benefit of having a person speaking in first person about the experience and learning.

14 comments:

Gin said...

I think that is a wonderful idea! You never know what life you may touch and turn around by sharing your own experience!

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

What a fantastic idea to reach out to the community and offer to reach other parents of addicts. I also have thought some about doing that but feel I need a bit more recovery from my enabling ways. I love this post and pray that the peace you are feeling now will last a lifetime! I also want to say I really liked your take on not visiting him in jail and looking at it as an adult time out, very helpful.

Debby of Oxycontin and Opiate Addiction: A Mother's Story said...

I think this is a wonderful idea. I work at a public high school-- in the counseling office, no less. Don't be discouraged, though, because many parents aren't wiling to "hear". They think their kids are different. However, if you can help even ONE person, you are making a difference.

Enjoy your peace. I understand why you don't visit your son in jail. You have tried so hard, and after a while, addicts cry wolf once too many times.

Blessings,
Debby

Annette said...

You are so brave!! Really I admire that so much. I think you will be a wonderful knowledgeable voice in your community to other parents. I was just talking to a sponsee today about living in the light and the freedom that brings. Being in the open....

Love the analogy of jail as an adult time out. Perfect!

You and Mom are amazing. I wish I knew you in real life!

big Jenn said...

You might want to contact some of the local treatment agencies for info. The 12-step hotlines would be a good place for information also. Great idea! jeNN

Fractalmom said...

It is a good idea. however, being one of the oldest bloggers (I have been blogging about my daughter's addiction for 11 years now), I can honestly tell you that just as you and Mom went through steps (denial, trying to help, etc., ad nauseum....) your presentation will be listened to, but not heard.

Locally, I have started (and abandoned in disgust) the same thing. We have one of the largest concentrations of heroin addicts in the entire nation, and it has been a problem here for the last 15 years, progressively getting worse.

No one, at the beginning, wants to believe their cherished baby is a junkie. Usually, by the time they believe it, they are ruined financially, emotionally, well, you know.

Good luck though and I hope that in your part of the continent, it works out for you.

Chic Mama said...

I can totally understand why it feels like a respite.
That would be a great move, you must have so much to say that could help surely put some children off touching drugs in the first place.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I love the peace and quiet when my son is in jail. I feel kind of like a "bad mom" for saying it, but its so true. Its like not a care in the world...I can go to bed at night without that gut wrenching fear gripping my heart.

I also understand your reasons for not visiting. I am not there yet, but if he goes in again after this time I am going to let him know visits are out, at least weekly visits. It takes about 4 hours out of my day to see him for 30 minutes. I hope there is no next time...

As for speaking to other parents: YES! DO IT. I hear what Fractal Mom is saying because I was one of those parents who thought that "my baby" would do anything that stupid or horrible and I sat through 12 hours of court mandated parents seminars the very first time he got in trouble (age 15, public intoxication). If ONLY I would have listened to those parents.

Speak out, share what you know. Some parents WANT to hear. Just today I had a friend email with some questions related to her 13 yr. old and was able to give her some helpful advise.

I think you would be an excellent candidate to do this (Mom, on the other hand, is probably a bit more shy in front of groups? That's a guess and a question).

You both rock my world and I am so damn thankful for what I have learned from you.

Dad and Mom said...

Barbara,

Refer your friend to the posting "Good Question" on my blog. It was a friend of ours that ask about their 13 year old son. There were some good comments from people.

Dad

Gledwood said...

That's v brave of you, good on ya!

Gledwood said...

PS you said "autumn" ~~ aren't you American? I thought they said "fall" out there ...(??)

Lou said...

I hope the school or youth organizations take you up on it. My school district only wanted people with counseling or psychological credentials. They were not willing to let a parent talk about it. Maybe they thought it a liability issue, who knows. There are so many myths about addiction, it feels like beating your head against the wall most of the time.

Marsha said...

I think people fail to understand exactly how difficult it is for parents of a child like this. The parents tend to be blamed, shamed and lord only knows what we go through when our children don't succeed. I think parenting a child like this even into the adult years has to be one of the hardest things on the planet.

Syd said...

What a great idea and a great service. I think that you will truly make a difference in the lives of others.