I am skipping around trying to cover 5 years of this addiction as quickly as I can but it seems like alot just to be filling up space. I'm going to continue to document history but I want to put down a few very important learnings that took a long time for me to accept.
These may seem like flippant cliches but they really have meaning when living with and addict.
Love alone cannot cure this illness, we love him but he loves drugs.
We didn't ask for this. We didn't cause this. We can't fix this.
Every day thousands of people across this globe decide to and stop using drugs and never use them again. My job is to keep him alive until his day.
I can't fix this.
Until he wants to quit I am powerless to control or help with his addiction.
Protect yourself, his addiction cannot be allowed to destroy your life, family or marriage.
There are consequences for using drugs, those consequences are his not mine.
Oh by the way, did I mention, "I CAN'T FIX THIS!"
I'm sure there will be more as I write but I think you will begin to see from our past that these were hard things to accept by Dad and Mom.
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3 comments:
Yes, all of those statements are very helpful- particularly "I CAN'T FIX THIS!!". Lord knows we have tried. I hear you when you say that everyday is gift. Our son has gone past 30 days sober and is looking so healthy. But not going ot meetings, getting a job, or getting off the couch much. He has goals for this week. The healthier he looks the more there is to lose for us. He is himself right now and I don't want the other guy who makes me feel crazy to come back. Our thoughts are with you. I think this is a great way to stay supported of one another. I did write a blog while my daughter was in Korea. Lots of bad things with her brother were going down but it was too easy to identify me so I didn't write about and didn't want her to worry. However, when she came back she now says she was angry at us for letting her brother get so out of hand and deep into drugs. She now understands.
I know you must be thankful, 30 days. Only another parent suffering from this knows what that means. Sharing the hope actually encourages us too.
I find that prayer helps. Everyday, I am putting him into Gods hands and accepting what He needs to do with him.
No, we can't fix this. Even when THEY want to get clean and sober, it suddenly becomes clear how dependent they have become, and they start to think that they can't fix it either.
Hope, Hope is so important to have so that you can share it with the addict when they need it. But even that is not always enough - not always.
~Susan
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