Saturday, January 24, 2009

Enabling

I just want to share a few of my thoughts on enabling. Seems like an appropriate time considering last post.

We are enablers.

We are parents. In all this I don't know how to balance love and care without at times enabling. The hope for change drives our actions. We want so bad to grab him, hold him, shake him and comfort him through this addiction. Every single day it is a struggle to determine what is good for him, good for us, and actually enabling.

I am beginning to understand in my head that his living in and out of the house is bad for us and bad for him. It is hard to internalize this because of the desire to have him close and safe. It is coming to me that being close is not necessarily safe, for us or him.

One of my famous lines to him is, This is a "safe house". We encouraged him to be open and honest and in this house he could let down the defenses. Unfortunately we believed in the "safe house" philosophy but he only used the "safe house" and at times learned it was an "easy house".



2 comments:

Auburn haired artist said...

My son spent much of his teen years in juvenile Correctional facilities, JDC, and Group homes due to his issues with the law. When he was FINALLY released from the juvenile court system, at age 20, I just wanted my son HOME - He just wanted to be home. Unfortunately, home isn't safe for him - for a lot of reasons. Back in November (three months ago) I had to Tell him to leave (he's 23 years old now.) He couldn't stay clean or sober and I have two younger children at home. It broke my heart, but it's been working much better for everyone.

As a mom, I still live with a lot of guilt that my home isn't a good or safe place for my own son. I'm realizing that it isn't necessarily my fault, but it still feels wrong to have to send your son away knowing that he isn't whole yet.
~Susan

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Wow, I know this post is older, but boy does it hit home with me right now. I am in the exact same spot at this moment. It is difficult as he has nowhere to go and our small conservative town does not offer facilities or have even probation related in-house rehab facilities. We paid for him to go to rehab once and that will be it, he has to figure it out on his own and be ready, which he has not really proven to date to be. Thanks Mom and Dad and Susan for posting, helped me today.