Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Giving Up Hope

The value of friends to help you through this is most apparent when it seems most desperate. After last Saturday it almost seemed hopeless. His progression, the hopelessness in us finally reaching what seemed like the end out of frustration with this addiction. Seemed like all was lost and we were waiting for him to die. 

Not able to sleep Sunday night, a car door slams at midnight and I just know it is the sheriff with news.

Going to work Monday. Just going through the paces. Confiding in friends about the weekend. These are the friends that say, "You can't give up!" People to remind you life is not a lost cause. Death is the only lost cause.

New rehab options have been found. A place in Texas with a 2 year rehab opportunity was discovered. It's far from a done deal but we have a new hope.

Yesterday we found him. He had been using Oxycontin again. We got him to come home. He was strung out so discussing this was difficult so this morning we are going to talk. If he agrees maybe we can put together a plan about rehab, legal issues and begin working the plan. 

This is how friends save your life and maybe saves his life. Is it possible to even say thank you for people that are able to do this for you.

7 comments:

Syd said...

I hope that it works out for him. And I hope that he is willing to accept treatment. Hang in there.

Auburn haired artist said...

I hope that things can be worked out with the courts, and everyone so that he can recieve some treatment. It's so hard, I have worked with courts, probation officers, and rehabs as well and felt your hopelessness and frustration. Sometimes, knowing that it didn't even matter if this or that program "worked" for him, my goal is to just keep him ALIVE long enough for him to reach his bottom, and decide that HE was willing to do the work needed to change his life. (All the while praying that God would step in and send him some kind of ephiffany, because I just didn't know how much more I could take.)

No matter how dark things may seem, NEVER give up. Our worst nightmare could be exactly what it takes to turn things around for him.

~Susan

Dad and Mom said...

Syd, he has said he wants treatment and this time seems to feel the desperation of his own situation.

Susan, we have our fingers crossed one more time.

Fractalmom said...

I will share a story, true. I have not posted this before now.

8 or so years ago. My youngest daughter, then 12 years old. Her and I, standing upstairs in my mother-in-laws bathroom. Her crying to me...

Why? Why does she have to be a junkie. Why is there no money. Why do we have to put up with this? Why can't we just stop.

All good questions. Perhaps, now, I would have answered differently. But then....

I told her the following.

We are all, throughout our lives, faced by choices continually. Your sister has made some REALLY bad ones.

Now, WE have some choices.

We can choose to turn our back on her, or we can choose to do whatever we can to try to help her, financially, mentally, morally and emotionally.

If we turn our back on her, it will be easier.

If we don't, it will be a long, difficult road full of pain and sorrow.

Less than 15% of junkies ever give up heroin. Most of them die or go to prison.

And, that is okay.

So I am letting you make the choice for the whole family sweetie.

She started to talk. I said, but wait!

I said, Let's just assume that your sister is going to die. Maybe soon, maybe not so soon.

Are we going to be standing around her dead body in the casket, sad, but knowing we did ***everything humanly possible*** to stop her insane journey into hell, even though it almost destroys our family?

Or, are we going to stand around the casket and say.....

we should have done this, or we could have done that, or maybe if we had done THIS.....

Then, I sat on the toilet and waited while she cried for about 10 minutes.

She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and said.

We are going to do everything humanly possible to save her.

I said, okay honey. What if it takes every penny we have? What if it takes all the love we have, and hurts us. What if you can't get a car on your 16th birthday the way she did? What if we have to buy used prom dresses for you? What if you can't take your senior trip like she did?

She said, we do it anyway. And then, if it doesn't work, we know, even if she dies, that we did EVERYTHING we possibly could.

Her sister had been using four years by then. It is now 7 years later.

Her sister is still alive. She had been in a methadone maintenance program now for 2 + years. She has yet ANOTHER child.

But, she is still alive, and while she is alive, hope remains. We don't have alot left. We are broke (well over $250,000 later), the family is fractured but not broken, I am raising two of her children, and there are hurts that may never be healed.

I have often wished her sister dead, just because I am NOT the person my youngest daughter is. I get bitter, and angry and I vent sometimes.

But, we DID do everything we could (9 rehabs) even when she continued and continued and continued to use.

And we haven't yet stood around her casket.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

But, This advice I WILL give you.

YOU MUST LEARN TO SET BOUNDARIES, AND YOU MUST STICK TO THOSE BOUNDARIES.

Best of luck with your baby boy who has been taken over by King Heroin.

Annette said...

When my daughter walked away from a post treatment internship opportunity to move in with her drug dealer boyfriend a staff member told me that "the only thing irrepairable is death. Anything else can be dealt with." It is amazing the comfort that brought me. As long as she is breathing in air, there is still hope....and that goes for your son too and any other addicts out there.

Good luck to you and your son. My heart goes out to you.

Blind Faith said...

Are you currently attending Al Anon meetings or some other program? If not, you might consider doing some research. There are those who have been there and done that. There are also those of us with long term recovery that are willing to answer any questions that you may have.

Heather

Recovery Wife said...

Hello. I just discovered your blog and I have enjoyed reading many posts, as I can somewhat relate to what you are going through.

Having the support of family and friends is very important. Without them I would have been completely lost during my husband's worst time.

I wish you all the luck in helping your son through his addiction.