Monday, February 16, 2009

Sadness and Anger

I'm sitting in a hotel room in Rolla, MO. The reason I am here is to recruit engineers from the University of Missouri for my company. Tomorrow I will be speaking with 100's of college students. These are young adults with a plan, motivation and drive to be better tomorrow than they are today. 

The sadness is my son had just as much brains and talent as any of the people I will be speaking with tomorrow. The anger is he is wasting that opportunity using drugs and tomorrow he will still be sitting in a cell in jail.

As this addiction continues opportunities come and opportunities go. I am a big believer that life is what you make of it. All of us can look back and see missed opportunities. It is hard for me to grasp that an addict can even recognize an opportunity. Living in the moment with a constant search for the next high does not allow you to recognize opportunities that present themselves or are created with hard work.

I look at my daughters, nieces and nephews. They all grasp the opportunity when it came. 2 college grads, 2 more will graduate this year, 1 was just accepted into chiropractic college, and 1 grasp an opportunity with a major KC insurance company that prides itself on promoting from within and she is a quick study and hard worker. My pride is these are young adults that recognized the opportunity made the most of it and each of them are from fathers and mothers that did not go to college. This is a generational changer. 

Time lost is time that can never be recovered. How does an addict recognize this? 


Annette said...

I hear you. I really do. I just read a post from Lou and I'm sorry I can't remember which one it is, but it is a recent one. It might be "How Andrew Is Doing" (or something like that....sorry, what a dork.) In that post she spoke of the realness and the humility of addicts in recovery. Your son may find his way to recovery and he will be his own wonderful person because of the trials and tribulations that he lived through. I know the other side of the coin too and I know that I can't bear to go there.....but as long as he is alive, there is still hope that he will grasp a hold of sobriety and create a great, fulfilling, life for himself too. All is not lost my friend.

Annette said...

Ok it is Lou's blog Subdural Flow on Feb 7 called How's Andrew. Sorry......I don't know how to link you over there and I was afraid copying and pasting without permission was not polite. :o)

Fractalmom said...

I think the grief for what she wasted in that she was the brightest, smartest, funniest child hurt more than the fact that she is a heroin addict

Lou said...

I have several readers who have commented to me..that yes, time was lost,and wasted. But opportunies are ever present, maybe not in the "standard" way (HS, college, masters), yet addicts do recover and do become contributers.
The first order of business in your son's life is to work a program of recovery (and there is more than one way to do that). Nothing else is going to matter until he does that. IMHO

Auburn haired artist said...

You know, I tend to believe that we all have different roads to follow in life, and that even the painful and difficult experiences are for a purpose, and can be used for good and growth. (or at least that's the hope that I cling to)
I believe that oppourtunities abound for those who seek them out, and sometimes, we have to make our own.

I understand what you are saying, and I can fully relate to your pain. Your son (and mine) will probably have to find a less traditional path through life, but it IS possible! As parents of addicts, we HAVE to believe that so that we can loan our hope to our children when they are finally ready to attempt recovery. But as Lou said, Recovery is the FIRST priority.

My son has had more than one hopeful start at recovery, but sadly, I think it was his fear and anxiety that he had misseed too many milestones and oppourtunities that sent him running back to the emotional safety of his addictions.

Addiction is a HUGE monster, and recovery is the hardest work anyone will ever do. Anyone who has the courage and faith to come THROUGH addiction, and INTO recovery, has more to offer society than all the college educated, "hard working", people who just happened to be in the right place at the right time, will ever have to offer.

I know that right now, it is hard, and it's easy to become overcome by sadness and frustration, but don't lose faith. "Be strong and courageous"

A Feast for the Eyes said...

Wow, what a poignant posting, yet so true. I just posted about that, yesterday. My son, who is now 20 and 3 weeks into round #3 of sobriety was lamenting how much time he has wasted. He says that most of his friends are getting ready to finish college, and he's got nothing.

Have faith, Dad. Truly. You never know. I'm praying that this time, my son will finish junior college. He's enrolled, (we're not paying for it, this time) and he's going.

I'm praying for you and my other blog family of addicts.


Athena said...

Yes, how I wish mine comprehended not just the waste of time, but remembering the scope helps me, too... in the scope of their lives - 2 or 3 years is so little... unfortunately, also during their youth, so vital

I am glad you write and express so well the concerns we all share