Friday, February 20, 2009

Absense and Hope

The longer our son is in jail the easier it is to hope that lessons are learned. It is easy to forget that this is a disease that consumes his mind and every thought. I think about when most of us want to change we just simply set out the plans to make it happen. Most times it is not a life or death struggle like it is for an addict. From what I understand for an addict it is not that simple

I realize that for an addict simply making the choice to stop does not ensure success. In fact I am realizing recovery is much, much less likely to happen than relapse. Support systems have to be there, NA, clean living facilities, a new value system and I believe family is one of the most critical components. Even with all of those systems our son has relapsed 3 times.

Destructive thought processes enter my mind constantly. Especially when he is close. So that is why it is easier to hang on to hope with his absence. Battles continually wage in my head with "he is never going to get better" vs. "all he has to do is decide to stop and get away from these bad people." But I know these are thoughts and decisions made in my mind. The only real decisions that count for an addict is what they decide. The thoughts I must dwell on is the hope that he makes a good decision. My hopes that he gives up drugs and stays clean is wasted energy and purely a wish. If he indeed makes a good decision then it is possible for us to help provide and utilize the support systems that helps with his recovery.


Syd said...

It's a hard decision to accept powerlessness in this situation. I admire your courage.

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Fractalmom said...

Well I know this particular merry go round. My thoughts are with you.

Annette said...

"stay away from bad people" I hear you dad. "All" they have to do seems so simple to us, but to them its herculean. Not impossible, but not something that comes as a natural thought as it does to us. Why, I will never know. Its part of their disease mentality I guess.

Lou said...

On the positive side, I think of jail time as clean time. Oh, there are drugs there, but they are much harder for a young,inexperienced person to get. And they come with a high price, unless he is getting sent lots of money (I assume he is not) he can't afford them. Every time my son came out of jail, he was clear headed...for awhile.