I remember hating weekends. The weekend meant there was no rest from parenting an addict. You were home with crisis and drama slamming you into the wall at every turn. Calls from jail asking for bail money. New dents and damage to vehicles. Incoherent conversations that end up being a catalyst for more self hurt. Unknown noises at 3 in the morning and not getting out of bed to investigate. People showing up at your home at midnight and you have no idea who they are and being smart enough not to confront them. Sirens wailing outside wondering who they are chasing and in your heart hoping it is........
I wanna go back to work so I can focus on something resembling sanity. Just an office where I can close the door, hide and work in peace.
Today weekends are once again a time to relish. Babysitting a grandchild from a son you never thought would be alive. Looking forward to a visit from a son that spent Friday night at a family bonfire and a Saturday night at Haunted Houses. Listening to tales of fun and joy from those events on Sunday morning. Watching a 1 year old grandson run into his daddy's arms. This is what weekends are suppose to be like. That's what is called appreciation.
The past seems so long ago now.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
The Value of Work
I can only imagine what recovery must be like for an addict. I would guess it isn't an internal struggle it must be more like an internal thermonuclear war. Two sides literally fighting for survival. I have a great admiration for any one that has fought that war and won. Way too many are not able to win that war or forever fight skirmishes all their life never feeling even a small taste of freedom.
My observations of my son in recovery extend to all people in general as it relates life. Work is important. Work has been defined as a basic psychological need of humans in general. We all want to feel that we contribute. We must contribute to our family, to others, to society and most of all to ourselves. Work provides purpose. I'm not just talking about punching a clock someplace. Work is what we do to give purpose to our life.
It's not just with addiction, I've seen others suffering from different diseases, they can't wait to get well so they can work. The lack of work is devastating for all peoples. Unemployed, sick, disabled, doesn't matter we all want to contribute.
Especially with addiction I see the destructive power of no work. The old saying I heard from my grandma was, "Idle hands are the devil's playthings" is most appropriate.
Addicts in recovery carry baggage. Many times criminal records, long periods of unemployment, huge unexplained gaps on a resume or application is part of that overwhelming load. For a fact, this makes it hard to get a job and work. I can vouch to that because for over twenty years of my career I have been in human resources and I am that guy that tossed their resume or application aside.
Nothing is going to change over night. All people need work to be healthy. It doesn't matter if a paycheck comes on Friday, work is what we do for our self to be healthy. Work is the reward, money is the byproduct. I don't want anyone to misunderstand the value of compensation, we needs our basic survival needs met but we cannot ignore or diminish the value intrinsic motivation has on our own health.
For myself there has been much professional learning over these past years. I no longer toss aside those resumes and applications (people). But, I do hold all people to the same standards. Recovery is an event or process not an excuse.
I don't have an answer for those in recovery looking to find a job and running into countless brick walls. Nothing in the world is going change over night except you. I don't believe I am unique. There are hiring managers out there that understand what I have come to learn. You just have to dig deeper to find them. Work is a critical part of your recovery, don't allow it be a reason for your relapse.
My observations of my son in recovery extend to all people in general as it relates life. Work is important. Work has been defined as a basic psychological need of humans in general. We all want to feel that we contribute. We must contribute to our family, to others, to society and most of all to ourselves. Work provides purpose. I'm not just talking about punching a clock someplace. Work is what we do to give purpose to our life.
It's not just with addiction, I've seen others suffering from different diseases, they can't wait to get well so they can work. The lack of work is devastating for all peoples. Unemployed, sick, disabled, doesn't matter we all want to contribute.
Especially with addiction I see the destructive power of no work. The old saying I heard from my grandma was, "Idle hands are the devil's playthings" is most appropriate.
Addicts in recovery carry baggage. Many times criminal records, long periods of unemployment, huge unexplained gaps on a resume or application is part of that overwhelming load. For a fact, this makes it hard to get a job and work. I can vouch to that because for over twenty years of my career I have been in human resources and I am that guy that tossed their resume or application aside.
Nothing is going to change over night. All people need work to be healthy. It doesn't matter if a paycheck comes on Friday, work is what we do for our self to be healthy. Work is the reward, money is the byproduct. I don't want anyone to misunderstand the value of compensation, we needs our basic survival needs met but we cannot ignore or diminish the value intrinsic motivation has on our own health.
For myself there has been much professional learning over these past years. I no longer toss aside those resumes and applications (people). But, I do hold all people to the same standards. Recovery is an event or process not an excuse.
I don't have an answer for those in recovery looking to find a job and running into countless brick walls. Nothing in the world is going change over night except you. I don't believe I am unique. There are hiring managers out there that understand what I have come to learn. You just have to dig deeper to find them. Work is a critical part of your recovery, don't allow it be a reason for your relapse.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Parent of An Addict -- Child of An Addict
Today I spoke to over 600 middle school students about being the parent of an addict and what drugs did to my family and my son. These are students that are 12-14 years old. There were over 600 students, too many parents for me to count and a whole school of teachers, staff and administration. It was a jam packed gym with maybe 2 open seats to spare.
My daughter Erica went with me. She is Alex's oldest sister.
This was the first time I ever spoke with this age group. I was a little less graphic than what you have seen on my YouTube presentation. But I tried to be just as intense. For 35 minutes I spoke to this packed gym and other than my voice you could hear a pin drop. These kids were quiet and respectful. I felt every eye on me the whole time. The nurse said that it was amazing how focused and intent they all were on your message.
I introduced Erica in the beginning as Alex's sister if they wanted a sibling perspective. I then began my talk. I introduced myself, introduced my son and his addiction issues, then I issued a spoiler alert and told them that Alex has been clear and sober for over 2 years, since July 2010. When I said he was clear and sober entire gym burst out in thunderous applause and it just went on. The speaker nearly lost his composure at that minute.
At the end of the talk Erica and I found ourselves surrounded. I glanced at her and she looked like a teen rock star she had so many students around her. They were asking her about what to do for their brothers and sisters with issues in there own family. Erica said one little girl ask her if she cried a lot. Erica said, "Yes, she was very sad for a long long time and cried often." The little girl ask Erica if she could hug her. She said if it was her brother she would want someone to hug her.
I was quickly swarmed with parents and students. I answered a couple questions from parents but I quickly focused my attention on students. I'm not going into details but students talked to me about their parents that are addicted. The only thing I could say to these students, tell your parent that you love them, ask them to get help, tell them there are people they can call for help and not get into trouble. But, most importantly, your parent is sick with a disease. This situation is not your fault and you don't have the power to help them. The most you can do is to tell them you love them and ask them to please get help. I left them with my info and told them they can write or call any time.
My heart hurt today. I spoke about the terrible pain when you are the parent of an addict. Today I saw what is even harder to imagine. I met 12-14 year old kids processing being the child of an active addict.
My daughter Erica went with me. She is Alex's oldest sister.
This was the first time I ever spoke with this age group. I was a little less graphic than what you have seen on my YouTube presentation. But I tried to be just as intense. For 35 minutes I spoke to this packed gym and other than my voice you could hear a pin drop. These kids were quiet and respectful. I felt every eye on me the whole time. The nurse said that it was amazing how focused and intent they all were on your message.
I introduced Erica in the beginning as Alex's sister if they wanted a sibling perspective. I then began my talk. I introduced myself, introduced my son and his addiction issues, then I issued a spoiler alert and told them that Alex has been clear and sober for over 2 years, since July 2010. When I said he was clear and sober entire gym burst out in thunderous applause and it just went on. The speaker nearly lost his composure at that minute.
At the end of the talk Erica and I found ourselves surrounded. I glanced at her and she looked like a teen rock star she had so many students around her. They were asking her about what to do for their brothers and sisters with issues in there own family. Erica said one little girl ask her if she cried a lot. Erica said, "Yes, she was very sad for a long long time and cried often." The little girl ask Erica if she could hug her. She said if it was her brother she would want someone to hug her.
I was quickly swarmed with parents and students. I answered a couple questions from parents but I quickly focused my attention on students. I'm not going into details but students talked to me about their parents that are addicted. The only thing I could say to these students, tell your parent that you love them, ask them to get help, tell them there are people they can call for help and not get into trouble. But, most importantly, your parent is sick with a disease. This situation is not your fault and you don't have the power to help them. The most you can do is to tell them you love them and ask them to please get help. I left them with my info and told them they can write or call any time.
My heart hurt today. I spoke about the terrible pain when you are the parent of an addict. Today I saw what is even harder to imagine. I met 12-14 year old kids processing being the child of an active addict.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Fall Festival Rescheduled
All of the KC weather guessers are predicting a weather apocalypse on Saturday Afternoon from 2-8. Rain, hail, 60 mph winds. We all know it hasn't rained in KC for 6 months but you all know the Grover luck. So, we are re-scheduling Fall Festival for Sunday at 2:00. I know on the invitation it says rain day on the 20th but that is race weekend and Sunday the 14th is suppose to be beautiful, according the the same weather guessers. Please show up for the same fun and games on Sunday. The Chiefs are playing at noon in Tampa Bay but what REALLY would you be missing.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Fall Festival Time
It's time to get serious about Fall Festival Oct. 13 is this Saturday. Barbara put me up to having all you readers over to put faces with blogs and readers so it is your chance to meet everyone. Near or far to the KC area everyone is welcome.
I usually get a little over 200 hot dogs for the fire and make around 5-6 gallons of chili, plus there are always enough marshmallows to get everyone good and sugared up. But the best part is all the goodies everyone makes and brings. Every time I walk by the tables I am grazing.
Here is the full invitation. Each year I always like to try something different so this year I'm trying a car show.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Impossible to Swallow, Heart in Throat
This morning I received an e-mail from a mother. Last night her son overdosed.
"Last night I saved my son's life in our bathroom. I'm certainly not the first parent to do so and I won't be the last..........Laying there turning blue lipped and laying in blood from hitting his head on the tile. I can't physically get it out of my head"
How do you get it out of your head? This is the horror of being the parent of an addict. OVERDOSE, what a horrible word!
This is a mother that stole her son back from the monster, at least for that night.
"I believe I first heard of Narcan from your blog or a link from your blog. You indicated you had to use it at some point.... .....Thank you for talking about Narcan. I was able to at least save his life another day for one more day of hope."
Yes, I did write about the time my son was given Narcan because of an overdose.
If you are the parent of an addict, I can't say it enough, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, yourself. I know with the drama and crisis of addiction this may seem overwhelming but it must be done.
My random rantings and raving on this blog isn't about helping to save a life. My purpose began as trying to help me make sense of an insane situation. Maybe it has turned into something more.
If this mom that wrote me reads this I want you to know that you have made my day today and you have destroyed my day. You ripped your son away from the monster and there is nothing in the world that makes me feel better. The monster is alive and still grabbing our children each day. That reality grabs my heart and destroys my happiness.
"Last night I saved my son's life in our bathroom. I'm certainly not the first parent to do so and I won't be the last..........Laying there turning blue lipped and laying in blood from hitting his head on the tile. I can't physically get it out of my head"
How do you get it out of your head? This is the horror of being the parent of an addict. OVERDOSE, what a horrible word!
This is a mother that stole her son back from the monster, at least for that night.
"I believe I first heard of Narcan from your blog or a link from your blog. You indicated you had to use it at some point.... .....Thank you for talking about Narcan. I was able to at least save his life another day for one more day of hope."
Yes, I did write about the time my son was given Narcan because of an overdose.
If you are the parent of an addict, I can't say it enough, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, yourself. I know with the drama and crisis of addiction this may seem overwhelming but it must be done.
My random rantings and raving on this blog isn't about helping to save a life. My purpose began as trying to help me make sense of an insane situation. Maybe it has turned into something more.
If this mom that wrote me reads this I want you to know that you have made my day today and you have destroyed my day. You ripped your son away from the monster and there is nothing in the world that makes me feel better. The monster is alive and still grabbing our children each day. That reality grabs my heart and destroys my happiness.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Drug Take Back Day
This Saturday is a nationally coordinated Drug Take Back Day. All across the nation there will people at various locations to take back and properly dispose of unwanted pills and medicines. I personally want to encourage you to take part in this effort.
You don't need to have a young adult or teen in your home to make it dangerous to have unused or expired medications around the home. I hate to say it this way but kids will find a way to get to what you have if they need it or want it. Grandma's and Grandpa's medicine, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends, you are all vulnerable.
My personal experience is enough for us to understand the danger we all face. About 8 years ago I had a joint replacement, shoulder. That was a very painful experience so when I was released from the hospital I was given an ample supply of pain medication, Vicoden. I took a few, particularly after visits to the physical terrorist, but not too many. During a followup visit with the doctor I was ask how the pain meds were working for me? My reply was they were good and worked well. When I went to check out at the doctors office another prescription for Vicoden was waiting for me. I still had several from the first prescription but as a good little patient I stopped on the way home and filled the second prescription, just in case, you know. I never took a single pill from the second prescription and it was a fairly large bottle. Never thought much about it until several months later I found that pill bottle empty in my son's bedroom.
This was very early in my son's addiction. I don't know if this was Alex's first experience into prescription meds. I do know for sure that my carelessness and not being aware the dangers of unused medication in the home made me one of my own sons drug dealers. Yes, I do think about that as a father and it is not a good feeling.
For me and yourself, help every single young person out there by not having unused medication in your home. Take back and dispose of unused medication.
The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) has organized a National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day on September 29, 2012, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. In all 50 states and U.S. territories, you can drop off unwanted or expired medicines at thousands of take-back locations, getting them out of your home (and out of your children’s reach).
go to www.medicineabuseproject.org, put in your zip code, and find the nearest take-back location.
You don't need to have a young adult or teen in your home to make it dangerous to have unused or expired medications around the home. I hate to say it this way but kids will find a way to get to what you have if they need it or want it. Grandma's and Grandpa's medicine, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends, you are all vulnerable.
My personal experience is enough for us to understand the danger we all face. About 8 years ago I had a joint replacement, shoulder. That was a very painful experience so when I was released from the hospital I was given an ample supply of pain medication, Vicoden. I took a few, particularly after visits to the physical terrorist, but not too many. During a followup visit with the doctor I was ask how the pain meds were working for me? My reply was they were good and worked well. When I went to check out at the doctors office another prescription for Vicoden was waiting for me. I still had several from the first prescription but as a good little patient I stopped on the way home and filled the second prescription, just in case, you know. I never took a single pill from the second prescription and it was a fairly large bottle. Never thought much about it until several months later I found that pill bottle empty in my son's bedroom.
This was very early in my son's addiction. I don't know if this was Alex's first experience into prescription meds. I do know for sure that my carelessness and not being aware the dangers of unused medication in the home made me one of my own sons drug dealers. Yes, I do think about that as a father and it is not a good feeling.
For me and yourself, help every single young person out there by not having unused medication in your home. Take back and dispose of unused medication.
The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) has organized a National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day on September 29, 2012, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. In all 50 states and U.S. territories, you can drop off unwanted or expired medicines at thousands of take-back locations, getting them out of your home (and out of your children’s reach).
go to www.medicineabuseproject.org, put in your zip code, and find the nearest take-back location.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Home, Safe and Sound
Nothing routine about coming home from work tonight. I was riding my motorcycle home and cruising down the highway at 60 mph minding my own business. It was a nice evening to ride.
All of a sudden the engine stopped and the rear tire locked up. Before I even knew what happened I was sliding sideways. Don't know how I knew to do it so fast I grabbed all the clutch I could. That released the rear tire from being locked up. I was able swerve back to getting it straight tracking while holding clutch. Braked to a stop using front brake into the center median.
Darlene was thank god you are OK.
OK!!! OK!!! I'm not even close to being OK, I got a broke Harley sitting in my garage, maybe a locked up transmission or locked up engine. I'm far from OK.
All of a sudden the engine stopped and the rear tire locked up. Before I even knew what happened I was sliding sideways. Don't know how I knew to do it so fast I grabbed all the clutch I could. That released the rear tire from being locked up. I was able swerve back to getting it straight tracking while holding clutch. Braked to a stop using front brake into the center median.
Darlene was thank god you are OK.
OK!!! OK!!! I'm not even close to being OK, I got a broke Harley sitting in my garage, maybe a locked up transmission or locked up engine. I'm far from OK.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
A Favor, Please?
Finished another day of talks to students at Basehor Linwood High School. First of all, Thank You, Susan Mayberry for allowing me into your classroom. This is much more important to me that it is to all of you that listen. I'm sure every POA would understand what I mean by that and would side with me on that one.
The beginning of each talk these last two days I opened with a video that was produced for The Medicine Abuse Project. It is the story of 5 teens that abused prescription medication. I couldn't believe the impact this video had on the students and the parents that attended.
I asked and The Partnership has posted the video on their website.
It's hard to talk with your children about drugs. Studies show parents would rather talk to their kids about sex than drugs. Mostly because they don't know what to say and they are afraid of THE QUESTION. You know the "question", "Dad, Mom, have you ever used drugs?" You know what I tell these kids in class, you start the conversation with dad and mom. I also tell them don't be afraid of putting dad and mom on the spot. I explain to them the very best conversation they can have with dad and mom about drugs is a honest one, no secrets.
I am asking a favor from all that read this blog. I know many of you are POA's. The favor I am asking is for you to watch this video. It's only 11:43 minutes of your life. After you watch it PLEASE forward a link to a parent of a young teen. Ask them to watch and beg them to talk with their children about drugs. If they don't know how to talk about drugs to their child send them a link, The Partnership has an entire section about how to talk to your child about drugs.
Here is the link: PARENTS360 Rx Click on the video link on that page.
If you need help talking to your kids about drugs: PREVENT
Leave me a comment.......Watched & Talked
That is all the fuel I need to keep fighting the monster.
The beginning of each talk these last two days I opened with a video that was produced for The Medicine Abuse Project. It is the story of 5 teens that abused prescription medication. I couldn't believe the impact this video had on the students and the parents that attended.
I asked and The Partnership has posted the video on their website.
It's hard to talk with your children about drugs. Studies show parents would rather talk to their kids about sex than drugs. Mostly because they don't know what to say and they are afraid of THE QUESTION. You know the "question", "Dad, Mom, have you ever used drugs?" You know what I tell these kids in class, you start the conversation with dad and mom. I also tell them don't be afraid of putting dad and mom on the spot. I explain to them the very best conversation they can have with dad and mom about drugs is a honest one, no secrets.
I am asking a favor from all that read this blog. I know many of you are POA's. The favor I am asking is for you to watch this video. It's only 11:43 minutes of your life. After you watch it PLEASE forward a link to a parent of a young teen. Ask them to watch and beg them to talk with their children about drugs. If they don't know how to talk about drugs to their child send them a link, The Partnership has an entire section about how to talk to your child about drugs.
Here is the link: PARENTS360 Rx Click on the video link on that page.
If you need help talking to your kids about drugs: PREVENT
Leave me a comment.......Watched & Talked
That is all the fuel I need to keep fighting the monster.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
It's In Their Eyes
I spoke to two classes at the high school today. Along with the students four parents attended.
I really cannot find the words to describe what it is like to stand in front of these young people and parents and talk about what we have been through. I've given this talk for I really don't know how many times. There are parts for me that are very painful. It's like taking the scab off a wound that really needs the air and light. The process is healing for me but it is not without giving up a part of me too.
However much it hurts at times it is all worth it when I look at those young people listening to me. It tough when I recount how long it took me to learn what has to be done and how to be a father with a son addicted to drugs. Not sure but I might even scare some of the kids when I launch into my old worn out phrase that is used before I understood about addiction. "No lying, no stealing, no drugs, JUST WHAT THE HELL IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT!!!!" Of course I deliver that phrase at about one quarter the volume and zero percent of the anger I used when it was screamed at Alex.
The kids seem to be listening. Guess it is my training on recognizing Alex's condition. I look at their eyes. No pinpoint pupils. LOL. They are wide open. If you have seen the videos you know I can't stand still during these presentations. They follow me with their eyes. I think they hear me because I see it in their faces but mostly in their eyes.
One of the parents that attended today critiqued me at my asking. She said, "I pride myself on being a people watcher and I have never seen kids this age so focused. You touched some people today. I admit, at times I was fighting to hold back tears."
Hate to admit but there are times the speaker fights hard to hold back the tears too. This is so personal.
Two more classes tomorrow. I'll be ready, hope they are ready for me.
I really cannot find the words to describe what it is like to stand in front of these young people and parents and talk about what we have been through. I've given this talk for I really don't know how many times. There are parts for me that are very painful. It's like taking the scab off a wound that really needs the air and light. The process is healing for me but it is not without giving up a part of me too.
However much it hurts at times it is all worth it when I look at those young people listening to me. It tough when I recount how long it took me to learn what has to be done and how to be a father with a son addicted to drugs. Not sure but I might even scare some of the kids when I launch into my old worn out phrase that is used before I understood about addiction. "No lying, no stealing, no drugs, JUST WHAT THE HELL IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT!!!!" Of course I deliver that phrase at about one quarter the volume and zero percent of the anger I used when it was screamed at Alex.
The kids seem to be listening. Guess it is my training on recognizing Alex's condition. I look at their eyes. No pinpoint pupils. LOL. They are wide open. If you have seen the videos you know I can't stand still during these presentations. They follow me with their eyes. I think they hear me because I see it in their faces but mostly in their eyes.
One of the parents that attended today critiqued me at my asking. She said, "I pride myself on being a people watcher and I have never seen kids this age so focused. You touched some people today. I admit, at times I was fighting to hold back tears."
Hate to admit but there are times the speaker fights hard to hold back the tears too. This is so personal.
Two more classes tomorrow. I'll be ready, hope they are ready for me.
Friday, September 14, 2012
The Ron Road Show
The road show is on off and running next week. Wednesday and Thursday next week I am giving my presentation to another bunch of high school students in my local school district, Basehor Linwood.
This week I got an email from representatives of the Blue Valley School District. I was ask to speak at 4 middle schools in conjunction with Red Ribbon Week in October. Their plan is to have whole school assemblies and I will talk about the impact of addiction on addicts and families. They want a personal story that impacts the students at their level. Over 2000 middle school students along with teachers and any parents that attend will hear my story in one week.
The U.S. Department of Education recognizes schools each year with the National Blue Ribbon Award.
(from the U.S. Dept. of Education website)
What are the benefits of being a Blue Ribbon school?
In Kansas there were only six schools recognized across the entire state of all public and private schools on the 2012 Blue Ribbon School list. Basehor Linwood School District and The Blue Valley School District each had one school on the list. From the Blue Ribbon Schools list in Kansas 2 of the 6 school districts have ask me to speak to their students. This tells me the highest performing schools in the nation DO NOT ignore the realities of drug addiction and the impact it has on their students. I feel good in this knowledge, hopefully I can do them justice with my message.
As always, I can sure use your thoughts and ideas. If you have something that every student must know, leave me a comment. Nothing is so good it can't be improved.
Here is a link to videos my presentation to high school students last school year. You Ask For It, You Got'em
Another parent beginning to write. Please give her a shout.
My Life of Constant Intervention
This week I got an email from representatives of the Blue Valley School District. I was ask to speak at 4 middle schools in conjunction with Red Ribbon Week in October. Their plan is to have whole school assemblies and I will talk about the impact of addiction on addicts and families. They want a personal story that impacts the students at their level. Over 2000 middle school students along with teachers and any parents that attend will hear my story in one week.
The U.S. Department of Education recognizes schools each year with the National Blue Ribbon Award.
(from the U.S. Dept. of Education website)
What are the benefits of being a Blue Ribbon school?
Blue Ribbon Schools are nationally recognized as some of America's most successful schools. The award acknowledges and validates the hard work of students, staff members, families, and communities in reaching high levels of student achievement. Moreover, Blue Ribbon Schools report a renewed sense of pride and accomplishment at their school. They may be sought out as mentors to others schools or may find that receiving grants and raising funds is a little easier. Communities often report that the award makes their neighborhood a more desirable place to live because parents want their children to attend a Blue Ribbon School—and real estate agents use the Blue Ribbon award as a selling point for those neighborhoods. Tangibly, each fall, all winning schools are invited to Washington, D.C. for a ceremony to celebrate their success, share information, and receive a plaque and flag to commemorate their achievement.
In Kansas there were only six schools recognized across the entire state of all public and private schools on the 2012 Blue Ribbon School list. Basehor Linwood School District and The Blue Valley School District each had one school on the list. From the Blue Ribbon Schools list in Kansas 2 of the 6 school districts have ask me to speak to their students. This tells me the highest performing schools in the nation DO NOT ignore the realities of drug addiction and the impact it has on their students. I feel good in this knowledge, hopefully I can do them justice with my message.
As always, I can sure use your thoughts and ideas. If you have something that every student must know, leave me a comment. Nothing is so good it can't be improved.
Here is a link to videos my presentation to high school students last school year. You Ask For It, You Got'em
Another parent beginning to write. Please give her a shout.
My Life of Constant Intervention
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Milestones
It is day by day. I really understand that now and it was so hard to get but this dad finally got it after a few years. This is my revelation for myself.
Regardless of living for the joy of each day I don't think it is wrong to occasionally put little check marks in the column of normal father /son growth and relationships. Today Alex got back from a family vacation. He and Kristy took their family on their first family vacation. It really is a mark on the life list for a dad to take his family on car vacation. Ask your dad if that adventure doesn't have a special place in their dreams and nightmares. It is such a milestone a movie was actually made of the adventure. I don't know anybody that hasn't laughed at the Griswold's on their vacation to Walley World.
This dad is proud of his son. Not so long ago I didn't even dare to dream. Today dreams come true.
Regardless of living for the joy of each day I don't think it is wrong to occasionally put little check marks in the column of normal father /son growth and relationships. Today Alex got back from a family vacation. He and Kristy took their family on their first family vacation. It really is a mark on the life list for a dad to take his family on car vacation. Ask your dad if that adventure doesn't have a special place in their dreams and nightmares. It is such a milestone a movie was actually made of the adventure. I don't know anybody that hasn't laughed at the Griswold's on their vacation to Walley World.
This dad is proud of his son. Not so long ago I didn't even dare to dream. Today dreams come true.
Ocean City, Maryland, USA
Friday, September 7, 2012
What Would You Say to an Addict?
A few weeks ago Adrienne Hurst, Managing Editor at All Treatment.com sent me an email explaining that she was soliciting quotes for an article she was writing. The subject of the article was "What Would You Say to an Addict", if you could only say one thing. She ask if I would be willing to submit a quote for her article, I agreed.
Today I received an email from Adrienne Hurst, "Thank you for sharing your addiction advice with AllTreatment. We received several contributions from bloggers and treatment providers, and yours was among the few that we choose to be included in our article. The point you made about parents of addicts needing to take care of themselves really struck me, and I am excited to share it with our readers."
You can read Adrienne Hurst's article here: AllTreatment.com/blog
Today I received an email from Adrienne Hurst, "Thank you for sharing your addiction advice with AllTreatment. We received several contributions from bloggers and treatment providers, and yours was among the few that we choose to be included in our article. The point you made about parents of addicts needing to take care of themselves really struck me, and I am excited to share it with our readers."
You can read Adrienne Hurst's article here: AllTreatment.com/blog
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Why Do We Write?
A friend that writes and maintains her own website B Here Today posted a quote that started me thinking. "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.", Ernest Hemingway.
Why do I write? That's a really hard question. In fact Barbara over at Back To Being Me is having a very difficult time with her son and life and her last post was about taking a break from writing because she didn't feel she could give enough time and herself to continue reading and commenting on others blogs. She felt blogging was a two way street. She had to contribute to others in order to write.
I write for myself. Writing is a very selfish endeavor. Even if the room is full of people, when I write I am alone. Writing allows me to be alone with myself, guess it is like having a conversation with my best friend, me. ;-) I've always had a feeling that anyone that couldn't stand to be alone probably doesn't like themselves.
Blogging has never been a two way street for me. Yes, I read many blogs and I sometimes leave comments for others. Comments on my blog make me feel good that someone reads and takes time to comment. Comments are therapeutic and I learn a great deal from all of the wisdom shared by those in a similar struggle. However, for me the real meat of the therapy is the process of writing. The organization of my thoughts, the deliberation on my experiences and beliefs before I commit them to "paper". But it's not paper any more is it?
"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.", Ernest Hemingway. Who am I to disagree with Ernest Hemingway about the process of writing, but I do. Look at this fool, disagreeing with arguably one of the greatest writers of all time about writing. For me it goes more like this. "There is nothing to writing. Writing is what I do while I am licking my wounds.", Ron Grover. When I wrote about our experiences the battle was over. Blood was all ready spilled. The battlefield is strewn with hurt, anger and tears. Writing is what gave me the strength to fight this addiction monster one more day.
Why do I write? That's a really hard question. In fact Barbara over at Back To Being Me is having a very difficult time with her son and life and her last post was about taking a break from writing because she didn't feel she could give enough time and herself to continue reading and commenting on others blogs. She felt blogging was a two way street. She had to contribute to others in order to write.
I write for myself. Writing is a very selfish endeavor. Even if the room is full of people, when I write I am alone. Writing allows me to be alone with myself, guess it is like having a conversation with my best friend, me. ;-) I've always had a feeling that anyone that couldn't stand to be alone probably doesn't like themselves.
Blogging has never been a two way street for me. Yes, I read many blogs and I sometimes leave comments for others. Comments on my blog make me feel good that someone reads and takes time to comment. Comments are therapeutic and I learn a great deal from all of the wisdom shared by those in a similar struggle. However, for me the real meat of the therapy is the process of writing. The organization of my thoughts, the deliberation on my experiences and beliefs before I commit them to "paper". But it's not paper any more is it?
"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.", Ernest Hemingway. Who am I to disagree with Ernest Hemingway about the process of writing, but I do. Look at this fool, disagreeing with arguably one of the greatest writers of all time about writing. For me it goes more like this. "There is nothing to writing. Writing is what I do while I am licking my wounds.", Ron Grover. When I wrote about our experiences the battle was over. Blood was all ready spilled. The battlefield is strewn with hurt, anger and tears. Writing is what gave me the strength to fight this addiction monster one more day.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Something Different: Schools
I had a discussion lately with a person that proclaimed that the thing wrong with our educational system today is that it needs to be run more like a business. That seems to be a popular thought today. I hear so many people proclaim, the problem with government is it needs o be run like a business. I'm not getting into politics. I just want to share my thoughts on the educational system as to how I think it should or shouldn't be run like a business.
Maybe I have a unique perspective, maybe not. My kids are all out of school. I was once a board member in our local school district. (thankless job) I have been involved in our local schools for over 2 decades.
But I have been involved in running businesses for over 2 decades also. Big companies with 100's of employees and small companies with 10's of associates.
There are aspects of a school district that does indeed model a small, medium or large business. When I was on the school board our small school district had nearly 200 employees. Business models in accounting, management, and maintenance are very appropriate in the public education sector. However, how would that work in the classroom?
I think of a business model and how it works in the industries in which I worked, manufacturing. In each case there were inputs, transformations and outputs. How does that compare to our educational system? In education there are young students enter the system at the age or 5. Transformations take place over the course of 12 years and the outputs are educated, competent young adults. Seems simple doesn't it.
First of all in a business we strive to have complete control over the inputs. We spend hours on specifications. Out of specification, then an input is rejected. Transformations take place in a tightly controlled environment, no outside influences, quality standards such as ISO or QS dictate methods and minimize non standardization. Any input out of specification is rejected and placed into quarantine for later modification or scrap. Outputs are highly scrutinized. They must meet quality control requirements as established before an input is accepted. The customer then finally determines the ultimate functionality of the finished product. That really is how the business model works. Not including the P&L.
How does it work in our schools. Inputs must be accepted regardless of the person. Students arrive as inputs each day, some are hungry, some are angry or sad, some have no support outside of the school walls for their mission each day, some not understanding the language in which the teacher speaks. Transformations take place each day, most of the time at an individual pace, some easily, some struggle in the same classroom. In my business the transformations take place at a predetermined rate. People transform at their own pace dictated by thousands of variables.
In business my customers are well defined, in our schools the customers are those students. Students/customers have expectations and outside influences sometimes not articulated. A teacher looks out and assesses each day what are my customers expectations and what influences are their that are beyond my control.
All of sudden a revelation, my inputs are my customers! My stockholders are the parents and citizens of the district. My stockholder that owns the "company" are not uniform in their expectations, some have no other interest other than to tell me how poorly I perform with a desire to strangle me by taking away what meager tools I am given to transform my inputs. The expectations of my "company's" stockholders is that I improve my outputs with less and less tools.
Outputs of a business determine the success of a business. Without meeting a customers needs no business will succeed. It's the same for an educational system.
When looked at in a holistic nature, for myself I'll stick with manufacturing. My business model will not work in a classroom. My business model is simple in relationship to managing a learning process.
Should we run our schools like a business? Are we allowed to reject our inputs that don't meet the specs? Can we fire those parents that do not support the learning process of our customers? Can we eliminate the destructive outside influence on our inputs like drugs, alcohol, depression, dysfunctional homes, physical and sexual abuse along with every other negative aspect of a child's life that happens outside of our classroom?
A teacher does the best they can with the tools and inputs they are provided. There are teachers out there that live education 24 hours a day, 365 days a year regardless of the classroom bell.
As a stockholder in our school district I don't want my classrooms run like a business. I want my teachers to continue living their dream. They are doing more than I do with less than I have in my company to make sure of success.
Business models work for business, education models work for school. Myself, I cannot see where they are interchangeable.
Thank you teachers.
Maybe I have a unique perspective, maybe not. My kids are all out of school. I was once a board member in our local school district. (thankless job) I have been involved in our local schools for over 2 decades.
But I have been involved in running businesses for over 2 decades also. Big companies with 100's of employees and small companies with 10's of associates.
There are aspects of a school district that does indeed model a small, medium or large business. When I was on the school board our small school district had nearly 200 employees. Business models in accounting, management, and maintenance are very appropriate in the public education sector. However, how would that work in the classroom?
I think of a business model and how it works in the industries in which I worked, manufacturing. In each case there were inputs, transformations and outputs. How does that compare to our educational system? In education there are young students enter the system at the age or 5. Transformations take place over the course of 12 years and the outputs are educated, competent young adults. Seems simple doesn't it.
First of all in a business we strive to have complete control over the inputs. We spend hours on specifications. Out of specification, then an input is rejected. Transformations take place in a tightly controlled environment, no outside influences, quality standards such as ISO or QS dictate methods and minimize non standardization. Any input out of specification is rejected and placed into quarantine for later modification or scrap. Outputs are highly scrutinized. They must meet quality control requirements as established before an input is accepted. The customer then finally determines the ultimate functionality of the finished product. That really is how the business model works. Not including the P&L.
How does it work in our schools. Inputs must be accepted regardless of the person. Students arrive as inputs each day, some are hungry, some are angry or sad, some have no support outside of the school walls for their mission each day, some not understanding the language in which the teacher speaks. Transformations take place each day, most of the time at an individual pace, some easily, some struggle in the same classroom. In my business the transformations take place at a predetermined rate. People transform at their own pace dictated by thousands of variables.
In business my customers are well defined, in our schools the customers are those students. Students/customers have expectations and outside influences sometimes not articulated. A teacher looks out and assesses each day what are my customers expectations and what influences are their that are beyond my control.
All of sudden a revelation, my inputs are my customers! My stockholders are the parents and citizens of the district. My stockholder that owns the "company" are not uniform in their expectations, some have no other interest other than to tell me how poorly I perform with a desire to strangle me by taking away what meager tools I am given to transform my inputs. The expectations of my "company's" stockholders is that I improve my outputs with less and less tools.
Outputs of a business determine the success of a business. Without meeting a customers needs no business will succeed. It's the same for an educational system.
When looked at in a holistic nature, for myself I'll stick with manufacturing. My business model will not work in a classroom. My business model is simple in relationship to managing a learning process.
Should we run our schools like a business? Are we allowed to reject our inputs that don't meet the specs? Can we fire those parents that do not support the learning process of our customers? Can we eliminate the destructive outside influence on our inputs like drugs, alcohol, depression, dysfunctional homes, physical and sexual abuse along with every other negative aspect of a child's life that happens outside of our classroom?
A teacher does the best they can with the tools and inputs they are provided. There are teachers out there that live education 24 hours a day, 365 days a year regardless of the classroom bell.
As a stockholder in our school district I don't want my classrooms run like a business. I want my teachers to continue living their dream. They are doing more than I do with less than I have in my company to make sure of success.
Business models work for business, education models work for school. Myself, I cannot see where they are interchangeable.
Thank you teachers.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Humbled and Honored
Cathy Taughinbaugh maintains a website called TreatmentTalk.org.
She contacted me last week to tell me she was writing an article about parents dealing with addiction and working to help others and ask if I would mind if she mentioned me.
I told her, "Sure, whatever you like."
I am humbled and honored she included me with such an accomplished group of parents in her article. I am sure there are many of you that could or should easily replace me on that list including Cathy herself but I am just going to say one thing:
Thank You
9 Parents Who Are Making a Difference
She contacted me last week to tell me she was writing an article about parents dealing with addiction and working to help others and ask if I would mind if she mentioned me.
I told her, "Sure, whatever you like."
I am humbled and honored she included me with such an accomplished group of parents in her article. I am sure there are many of you that could or should easily replace me on that list including Cathy herself but I am just going to say one thing:
Thank You
9 Parents Who Are Making a Difference
Saturday, August 25, 2012
All Over The World
Ifrah, the woman I wrote about a couple of weeks ago from Karachi, Pakistan, we have been exchanging e-mails and I continue to read her blog. I am learning much from her.
This morning she sent me an article and video link about heroin in her hometown, Karachi, Pakistan. It is a news report done by the BBC. Please take 10 minutes of your time to watch this video.
What struck me is the despair of addicts worldwide. It is hard to watch when you see the pain and fear when a mother does what she has to do for her son. She cries the same tears I have seen in Darlene for her son half a world away. You also see the same manipulation by the drug we all have experienced.
Heroin is a monster. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-19192601
This morning she sent me an article and video link about heroin in her hometown, Karachi, Pakistan. It is a news report done by the BBC. Please take 10 minutes of your time to watch this video.
What struck me is the despair of addicts worldwide. It is hard to watch when you see the pain and fear when a mother does what she has to do for her son. She cries the same tears I have seen in Darlene for her son half a world away. You also see the same manipulation by the drug we all have experienced.
Heroin is a monster. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-19192601
Monday, August 20, 2012
Terminally Unique
I had a father write me and it stirred another lesson that I learned long ago and hadn't really thought about for a very long time. I hope I can do this very important subject justice.
My son is unique. He was a math wizard in school. He competed in state competitions in Forensics in high school. He was an "A" student. He breezed through pre-calc and trig as a sophomore in high school. He was hyper-competitive.
My son once told in tears, "Dad I thought I was smart enough to control this." This was while he wanted to quit and couldn't.
I did something terrible. I told my son he was smart enough to beat this thing he just had to put his mind to it. That was one of the most terrible things I ever thought or said. That nearly killed my son. I actually believed what I said.
A drug counselor at a rehab told me that there was something very special and unique about my son but she told me that special and unique people die from this disease every day. She used a phrase that I had to re-think EVERYTHING about my son and myself. That phrase was "terminal uniqueness". I have since learned that it is also called "personal exceptionalism".
My son may be smart and unique but this disease does not care. Not until Alex learned understood that this disease cannot be controlled and that he had to submit to his illness in order to get better.
I had to learn that Alex would die if I continued to re-enforce his disease. Just as enabling, I might as well be putting the needle in his arm myself.
Until parents remove their rose colored glasses concerning this disease there can be no helping of anyone. This is a life or death mission for all involved.
This is not about surrender, I have written about my issues with that in the past. If I viewed it as surrender I would still be fighting today. For me it was about coming to an understanding that it is impossible to control something uncontrollable. A realization that there are limits within each of us.
Living in the world of "What Is" vs. "What Ought To Be".
My son is unique. He was a math wizard in school. He competed in state competitions in Forensics in high school. He was an "A" student. He breezed through pre-calc and trig as a sophomore in high school. He was hyper-competitive.
My son once told in tears, "Dad I thought I was smart enough to control this." This was while he wanted to quit and couldn't.
I did something terrible. I told my son he was smart enough to beat this thing he just had to put his mind to it. That was one of the most terrible things I ever thought or said. That nearly killed my son. I actually believed what I said.
A drug counselor at a rehab told me that there was something very special and unique about my son but she told me that special and unique people die from this disease every day. She used a phrase that I had to re-think EVERYTHING about my son and myself. That phrase was "terminal uniqueness". I have since learned that it is also called "personal exceptionalism".
My son may be smart and unique but this disease does not care. Not until Alex learned understood that this disease cannot be controlled and that he had to submit to his illness in order to get better.
I had to learn that Alex would die if I continued to re-enforce his disease. Just as enabling, I might as well be putting the needle in his arm myself.
Until parents remove their rose colored glasses concerning this disease there can be no helping of anyone. This is a life or death mission for all involved.
This is not about surrender, I have written about my issues with that in the past. If I viewed it as surrender I would still be fighting today. For me it was about coming to an understanding that it is impossible to control something uncontrollable. A realization that there are limits within each of us.
Living in the world of "What Is" vs. "What Ought To Be".
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Vacations
I know I am suppose to mark day to day as life and progress but there are some things that mean a lot to me in regards to our recent family history. Alex is taking his family on a vacation, not with dad and mom, alone with his family. Not a weekend trip, a real one week vacation to Maryland.
Just seems like a huge milestone. He's a real father, one week driving with a load of family in the car. They are going to a timeshare someone in Kristy's family has loaned them. Three kids in the back of an Explorer going to the beach. 1100 miles one way with three kids in the back seat, Tyler in a car seat. If that isn't a test of recovery I can't imagine anything else. LOL
I feel good.
Just seems like a huge milestone. He's a real father, one week driving with a load of family in the car. They are going to a timeshare someone in Kristy's family has loaned them. Three kids in the back of an Explorer going to the beach. 1100 miles one way with three kids in the back seat, Tyler in a car seat. If that isn't a test of recovery I can't imagine anything else. LOL
I feel good.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
CORRECTION!!! The World is Such a Small Place
When I looked at the profile for Ifrah from her comment the location said Benin. My mistake, I assumed that is where she is from. Today I received an e-mail from Ifrah. She said she didn't know how or why it says Benin. She is actually from Pakistan. Here is her e-mail reprinted. Addiction and Parents of Addicts exist all over the world. :-(
I am Ifrah from blog izdiher
First of all thanks a billion for writing post about me and my comment I left on your blog.
http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-world-is-such-small-place.html
I am not from Benin. I also don't know where benin is. LOL![Disappointed smile]( "Disappointed smile")
It was a mistake. Actually I never saw my profile. So thanks again for letting me correct it. Just image everyone will be thinking I am from there.
Hope you correct that post too.
And for comment :
It is very very sad how we treat addicts in Pakistan, so I wrote that from this context as well. We throw them out mostly here. If someone is from poor background then that addict life is more mess. Rehab centers are just one or two in big cities. Rich peep send their kids to USA and other foreign countries. In Karachi (my city) you can se lots of drug addicts under bridges, lying there and wasting their life.
May God saves everyone from this mess.
God bless you
Ifrah.
I was reading comments on posts and came upon this person. Often I click on the commenters profile to see and learn more about the people that read this blog. So many read and never comment and that is OK. But my natural curiosity compels me to know more about the people that read this blog and why.
The person that made a comment, " It's sad how we treat addicts." was from Benin. I'm sorry but I had no idea where in the world Benin is, even what continent. Thank you Google Earth.
We are all just alike. We want a little joy in each day. We want peace and we all struggle at times with life. No matter if you live in the heartland of the US or in a coastal city in Benin. Still so much for this dad to learn about the world and its peoples. Thank you Izdiher for my lesson today.
Izdiher works with kids making paper flags, her dad watches the Olympics and wants his country to, "my father says, man, can't you bring one stone for us" Sounds so familiar are we that different. Izdiher is Muslim, it is Ramadan, what is real life for someone that is a different religion that most people here in KC, read and learn.
Take time to explore the world. Aren't we lucky to have this technology!
http://izdiher.blogspot.com/
I am Ifrah from blog izdiher
First of all thanks a billion for writing post about me and my comment I left on your blog.
http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-world-is-such-small-place.html
I am not from Benin. I also don't know where benin is. LOL
It was a mistake. Actually I never saw my profile. So thanks again for letting me correct it. Just image everyone will be thinking I am from there.
Hope you correct that post too.
And for comment :
It is very very sad how we treat addicts in Pakistan, so I wrote that from this context as well. We throw them out mostly here. If someone is from poor background then that addict life is more mess. Rehab centers are just one or two in big cities. Rich peep send their kids to USA and other foreign countries. In Karachi (my city) you can se lots of drug addicts under bridges, lying there and wasting their life.
May God saves everyone from this mess.
God bless you
Ifrah.
I was reading comments on posts and came upon this person. Often I click on the commenters profile to see and learn more about the people that read this blog. So many read and never comment and that is OK. But my natural curiosity compels me to know more about the people that read this blog and why.
The person that made a comment, " It's sad how we treat addicts." was from Benin. I'm sorry but I had no idea where in the world Benin is, even what continent. Thank you Google Earth.
We are all just alike. We want a little joy in each day. We want peace and we all struggle at times with life. No matter if you live in the heartland of the US or in a coastal city in Benin. Still so much for this dad to learn about the world and its peoples. Thank you Izdiher for my lesson today.
Izdiher works with kids making paper flags, her dad watches the Olympics and wants his country to, "my father says, man, can't you bring one stone for us" Sounds so familiar are we that different. Izdiher is Muslim, it is Ramadan, what is real life for someone that is a different religion that most people here in KC, read and learn.
Take time to explore the world. Aren't we lucky to have this technology!
http://izdiher.blogspot.com/
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