My son is unique. He was a math wizard in school. He competed in state competitions in Forensics in high school. He was an "A" student. He breezed through pre-calc and trig as a sophomore in high school. He was hyper-competitive.
My son once told in tears, "Dad I thought I was smart enough to control this." This was while he wanted to quit and couldn't.
I did something terrible. I told my son he was smart enough to beat this thing he just had to put his mind to it. That was one of the most terrible things I ever thought or said. That nearly killed my son. I actually believed what I said.
A drug counselor at a rehab told me that there was something very special and unique about my son but she told me that special and unique people die from this disease every day. She used a phrase that I had to re-think EVERYTHING about my son and myself. That phrase was "terminal uniqueness". I have since learned that it is also called "personal exceptionalism".
My son may be smart and unique but this disease does not care. Not until Alex learned understood that this disease cannot be controlled and that he had to submit to his illness in order to get better.
I had to learn that Alex would die if I continued to re-enforce his disease. Just as enabling, I might as well be putting the needle in his arm myself.
Until parents remove their rose colored glasses concerning this disease there can be no helping of anyone. This is a life or death mission for all involved.
This is not about surrender, I have written about my issues with that in the past. If I viewed it as surrender I would still be fighting today. For me it was about coming to an understanding that it is impossible to control something uncontrollable. A realization that there are limits within each of us.
Living in the world of "What Is" vs. "What Ought To Be".