Book Reports

Reading is a private pleasure in which I indulge. I'm not a fiction reader. I much prefer books explaining something that is a mystery to me. Anything from cutting a perfect dovetail or tuning a plane or coming to grips with drug addiction and its effects on me, the addict and society as a whole.

Funny thing, when I was school all the way from elementary school to high school English Class was the subject I hated most. I hated reading and giving book reports, although I did gain a huge appreciation for the great fiction writers of our time, Hemingway, Steinbeck, Mitchell, Orwell and even Clarke with science fiction. Biographers are genius, they had a way to make larger than life names into real people. Reflecting back maybe my dislike for English and Literature in school was not so much a painful class but more of a painful appreciation process.

With that I want to recommend a couple of books that I have found very good. I'll put an Amazon link to make sure you know exactly but I'm not pushing Amazon.

Don't Let Your Kids Kill You Charles Rubin

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Let-Your-Kids-Kill/dp/0967979056/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280334087&sr=8-1

This is a very good book I wish I had found it 3 or 4 years ago. I'd probably say it would have been great to have this book from day one of my son's addiction but I think I needed some time of pain to reach a point to accept the wisdom in this book. I highly recommend this book for parents of an addict. It answers questions and helps with things that took a lot of time and pain to discover.

Madyson007 at "A Mom's Serious Blunder" commented on my last post, "STOP THE CAR I WANT TO GET OUT". This book helps with getting out of the car.

Broken: My Story of Addiction and Redemption William Cope Moyers with Katherine Ketcham

http://www.amazon.com/Broken-My-Story-Addiction-Redemption/dp/0143112457/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280334271&sr=1-3

This book chronicles the depths to which an addicted person, the author, can fall. It just so happens that this addicted person is also the son of famed journalist, Bill Moyers. What I got out of this book is "addict think". Cope Moyers does a great job of detailing how even when great things are happening with an addict the brain of an addict can screw it up without constant diligence by the addict.

Tempering Excitement

On Sunday evening we went to the baseball game. I am a baseball fan and really enjoy the pace and art of the game. I know a lot of people say those are the things that are destroying the game. It's too slow, not enough action is often heard but to sit and watch the game, think about the strategy and try to match wits with the managers as they make changes or not is the thing I love about the game. Plus where else do you get to yell as loud as you can at someone that is having a ball thrown at him over 90 mph, not golf or tennis that's for sure.

We live in KC so there are a couple of choices when we take in a game. Of course we have the Kansas City Royals but close to where we live we also have the Kansas City T-Bones, a minor league independent team playing in the Northern League. I actually enjoy greatly going to their games. Tickets and concessions are very cheap and parking is free, makes for a night of baseball plus concessions for under $15 and those are tickets sitting in the front row next to the field, traditional hot dogs are only $1. In all my life of attending baseball games, we know baseball is about traditions, I have eaten at least one hot dog at every single game I have ever attended. No way am I breaking that streak.

It was our son's girlfriends birthday so we treated them to an evening at The Park. By both of their accounts our son has been clean for over a week. There were sparks of normalcy enjoying our evening out. They enjoyed going and we enjoyed observing our son unaltered.

It would be so easy to jump up and down shouting, "We're on the road now." But we've been down this road before. But for me this time I feel lost. I feel lost because I'm not on the road any more. This recovery road is not my road to travel, it is his. I always thought I had to be driving when we took that route but this time I got out of the car and it is his time to circle the track day after day. I am going to stand on the side and cheer after each lap/day but no more driving for me.

Knowing my control personality Mom is probably in the worst spot. She is the one that will hear all my criticisms about the way he is circling the track but I hope to be able to learn skills about tempering my excitement and critisism as he makes laps. There was a book I read when I was little and I read it to my kids too, that might be right for now; Go Dog Go, P. D. Eastman.

Acceptance or Resignation

Acceptance or resignation, no matter what you call it we arrive there at different times. Looking back I can see definite stages of life parenting an addict. Fight it, fix it, love'em, frustrated, re-energize, WTF and finally we get to the acceptance stage.

I'm not sure unless maybe you have previous experience with addiction or alcoholism you can skip these; there may be even more but these are the ones I have been thinking about lately. Maybe with counsel and a lot of hand holding you can speed your way through but as a parent there is that inside feeling that you cannot get rid of without progressing through each stage at your own pace; this the emotional side of being close to an addict that also happens to be your child.

There is a lot more to it than the three C's, control, cause and cure. Maybe this is old news for some of you that are 12 stepper's. I've never been able to get into that program but I have a respect for anything that works for anybody. It's not about how you get to a place it is about arriving safely.

Personally I have finally come to realize that acceptance and resignation is not a show of defeat. If it was considered a defeat, with my personality I'd probably still be fighting. For me it means I have tried every strategy I could conceive to fix or manipulate this problem but the problem continues. I have now come to realize it is not a "problem", it is a "state of being" and a reality for me, my son, and for all of those around us.

The choice for us all is at what time we reach our destination. I can see for some they may never get there. Sometimes the ultimate tragedy is that our addict shortens the trip, that is a reality that can become so real every day. But ultimately it really is our choice about when we arrive.

Can't Think of a Title

I owe all of you that cared so much to express a concern or take a moment to remember our son and family an update from my last posts. Those posts expressed a dire circumstance and the times are dire. I may get in trouble from mom and I may get awfully personal in the descriptions but this is a problem that as you all know is very personal in everyone that it touches.

Last Thursday I contacted my son about spoons and needles I found in his room. He has been living with his girlfriend but was coming by to crash after he dropped her off at work. She is a very good person. She has two very nice daughters and she has been around addiction all of her life through her mother and father. That has strengthened her resolve not to let it invade her life. At times that must be very hard when you are surrounded with it as you grow up. Currently her mother is clean and I don't know anything about her father, I can only assume he is the same. Kudos to both of them. This is what makes it so hard, she says she loves the clean Alex but hates the using Alex. Alex says he loves her but I'm not sure he understands what that really is or he would be doing different things.

Back to my conversation with my son. I was not mad I was just resigned. I told him he had violated our contract, which truthfully, all along I knew he would. Finally there was buy-in from mom, I told him very calmly that we both wished him well, we knew some of the things he was doing but we were sure we didn't know it all but it was every bit as bad as you can guess from reading my last posts. I then told him that we had to take care of ourselves and it was time he made a decision. What he needed to decide was what life he wanted to live. He could either remain a part of our family and to do that he needed to begin actively working on his recovery. Do everything it takes and we would be the braces to hold him up but he had to be the one that wanted it, carried the load and he had to do the hard work required and whatever was required. His other choice was we were perfectly fine with him continuing his current lifestyle. If he wanted to use, deal or whatever we could now be OK with that decision if choose to go that way. But, we could not have that lifestyle in our life in any longer. We ask him to think of himself as being alone. Please do not come around, do not come to our home and do not even acknowledge us if we meet in public because we cannot have that, or bring that hurt into our life any longer. We told him that if he chooses that path we really do sincerely wish him well and hope he finds whatever it is he is looking for in life. That was pretty much the end of my conversation with him.

Last night we got a call from his girlfriend. First the bad news or good whatever your perspective. He is in jail again.

Now for the detail. Evidently he must have heard what I said on Thursday. His girlfriend said he was very shaken that his family had decided that they were prepared to give up on him. She said he was very thoughtful and decided to go cold turkey. She said this last weekend was terrible. I would have thought she would have took him to the hospital but I learned a long time ago you can't do what you don't know. She said he was sick, shaking worse than she had ever seen anyone, plus all the other withdrawal effects. I guess she didn't know how dangerous it is when someone does cold turkey from heroin and coke, speedballing. We wish she would have called or took him to the hospital but his is still alive. Last night she said he was feeling well enough to get out so he ask her to go to a NA meeting with him. He was driving to the meeting and he did a "rolling stop" at a stop sign. You know what happened then, yep flashing lights and outstanding warrant. They took him in. He is going to sit in jail until his next court appearance, the 28th and who knows what happens after that.

Mom and his girlfriend had a long talk last night and they both supported each other in that they would love to bail him out but they needed to let him sit for his own good but I'm sure he doesn't think it is for his own good.

His girlfriend ask Alex, "Why do you do drugs? You have everything." She said, at first his answer was, "I don't know." We've all heard that one haven't we. But she said he came back a couple days later on Sunday and said he had been thinking about it and said he doesn't like himself. I'm no psychiatrist but to me if he is serious that could be a step towards a profound experience. It all hinges on HIS next step.

A big difference is this time Mom and I know the next step is his step to take, not ours to take.

New Partnership Posting

The Partnership For A Drug Free America posted another of my essay's.

Addiction Respects Nothing and No One

Google It

Speedballing

Untitled

It is not good. With what is going on it probably won't be long.

Recovering From 4th of July

I've been through a lot of 4th's but yesterday's is one to write home about.

We always have many people over to celebrate the 4th and it is always a good time of friends enjoying a celebration. The 4th was always a big day in our family because it also happened to be my fathers birthday, he would have been 82.

Everyone began arriving about 2pm. People trickled in for quite a while. The day was cloudy and there were a couple very light minor sprinkles but not enough to even get wet, but that was soon to change.

About 8 the sky's opened up and the wind blew. Our canopy was blowing and about to lift off. The monsoon began, the weatherman said we got about 2". Rain was blowing in sideways. 6 of us held down the tent. We were soaked to the bone. Many people left and the rest went indoors. It rained hard for 2 hours. About one hour into the storm the electricity went out. We could see the candles and flashlights in the house, of course it was hot so no air conditioning either. Then the emergency call came from the house for me to get inside quickly. The toilet was overflowing and no one knew what was happening in the bathroom in the dark. Water was coming out into the hall before someone noticed and closed the valve under the tank.

So here I am, soaked all the through to the skin. There is no power in the house. The rain is still coming down and under the tent where we were holding down there is now a big mud puddle from so much rain. I am trying to find a plunger because mom moved it out of the bathroom because of "company" coming over. Can't find the plunger in the dark. The side yard became the makeshift bathroom, because everyone knows as soon as the toilet is out of order you have to pee.

You know from now on this 4th will be forever recalled as; you remember the year when...........

Thoughts to Ponder

I had been deliberating for the last few days over many things concerning my son's addiction and trying to understand how drugs take over your life and what you become when they do. After many days of thought I wanted to speak with my son about my conclusions. How do summarize many days of consideration into something that is meaningful and concise? This is what I said.

Son, nature abhors a vacuum. Drugs and their pursuit have been your life for many years. With what and how are you going to fill this void in your life?

Your secrets are as dangerous to you as your drugs, if you cannot face your secrets of you then those demons will distroy you as surely as the drugs.

This is what several days of contemplation boils down too?

Suspicion, Drama and Life

Sometimes it is hard to recognize the good because you are always on edge suspecting the bad.

Since my last real post we (all 3 of us) have been trying to live up to our end of the bargain. Truthfully, our life hasn't changed much, the items on the contract was what we expected anyway. Our son has taken it serious though and from what I can tell is trying to fly straight. Fingers crossed, seems like every time I say something like that disaster strikes.

I reminded our son last night that despite his addiction he has the strength to be whatever he wants to be and genetically he is strong enough to do what he sets out to do. I spoke to him of his family and ancestors. The strength each of them had to get to the place we are today. I told him to pull on that strength of us around him and reach deep into himself and use the strength of ancestors that I knew but died long before he ever met them.

The 4th of July is coming up. Our son says he is looking forward to it because he has missed the last 3 years due to being in jail or off drugging. It will be a welcome sight to see him interact with his cousins again. It may be uneasy and I can understand that. He has hurt most all of them in many ways. I hope forgiveness is within them but that is there call. I use to try and make it "right" but I have since learned my lesson on that one. I hope my son can recognize that building back takes a lot more than tearing down. I am hoping that this event that is drama free.

I am looking forward to this holiday. In the tradition of the Bar-Be-Que capital of the world, I will spend 2 days smoking meat. There will be quite a crowd at our house to blow things up on Sunday. To do that it takes food. I am smoking 2 full pork loins, a whole turkey and 2 slabs of ribs plus a huge pot of beans cooked open on the smoker infused with sausage, pork and brisket. They are almost a meal in themselves. Anyone hungry? Come on down, I am sure there will be plenty. It may not be politically correct on a blog about addiction but I just call this holiday the National Holiday of Alcohol and Gunpowder. From our house we can actually see 4 fireworks shows. We can see the Basehor show, the Cedar Lake show, a neighbors show (I think they may secretly be mad scientist pyromaniacs) and our own show. We have a good placement for the holiday events.

Another Parent Blog

http://www.addictionprofiler.blogspot.com/

Fathers Day and a Very Personal Decision

Today I have two very personal things I want to discuss and in that I want to express more thanks to people than it is possible to express either here or in person but I want to give it all I got.

First of all, happy Father's Day to my Father. My father died in 1982, I was 26 years old. When I look at myself I guess I can thank my dad for my gray hair, for being 5'11" the same height as he was and probably countless other genetic "hand me downs". But, the most important gift he passed along to me was wisdom. My father was a wise and thoughtful man. My father was a patient man, that I see now as one of the traits of wisdom. Sometimes when issues are especially difficult I can hear words or phrases from him in my mind. I am still learning lessons from my dad. It is the most amazing thing to a see dead man become smarter and smarter every day he lies in that grave.

An Update On My Son (family) On Fathers Day

This is going to a long update because there is a lot to say.

This has been a very hard week for Mom and I, maybe one of the most emotional weeks for both of us since this whole nightmare began. It has been hard between us together and hard alone. You all know what happened on the outside from reading, I may get too personal but this involves what happens to a father and mother trying to make a life or death decision.

Right up front I know some of you may agree with our decision and some may disagree. As I have learned through all of this there are few absolute rights and few absolute wrongs. The reality there is only life and those cards are dealt one day at a time no matter if you are an addict or just a lifer. We welcome and value comments either way.

We knew our decision was a life or death decision. We also knew without saying that each of us had to make that decision for our own self even before we could articulate what our feelings were inside. I don't know how mom made her decision but I am going to share what I went through and what we have done together this weekend.

I struggled, I didn't have an answer for this problem, I sought help. First I want to thank everyone that commented on my posts this week. I have read them over and over so many times I can almost quote your comments and impressions. This is one of the reasons blogging has helped me more than just about anything during this period in my life, all of you. I hope one day I can repay all of you with the right words at the right time as you have for me.

Also I spoke personally to others. I spoke with someone close to me that in her younger life she was a user and she was also a stepmother to an addict. She knows my son. I am going to share a thought that made an impression on my decision. She said, "Your son is a very smart person but I do not think he may have what he needs to be homeless and make the decision to turn around. He is a thinker and needs guidance, without some guidance and influence he is the person that will give up because he is impatient." Another person I know that is also struggling with addiction in his family said nothing other than, "How is Alex?" His point to make a special effort to inquire about my son in the midst of all of his issues actually said more than a here's what you ought to do type response. We went to dinner Friday night with friends, she has a son that is 31 years old and has been an active addict since his early teens. Just needed to be around someone of our own kind. It is easy to vent and be relaxed without explaining bizarre behavior.

Most importantly I want to thank my oldest daughter. Yesterday was a tough day. Mom was crying, I was angry there was nothing constructive happening other than I had taken out one window in the house and had a new one installed. We didn't know what to do and it seemed that there was no way we could get to an answer alone. Our daughter came over and mediated plus she had a vested interest in this, after all this is her only brother. She brought calmness and wisdom with her. What followed was a 3 hour discussion and an issue solving exercise that she suggested.

Leave him in jail, bail him out, throw him out of the house into homelessness, what are we going to do. We knew this was a decision that could have repercussions maybe for the rest of our lives, not just his life.

Ultimately in considering everything, including finding out that one of his dealers was actually considering bailing him out. Our daughter's counsel over 3 hours came down to if we don't do something then he will die. He may die anyway but you cannot leave options on the table never to be explored. Our daughter said, Alex is making deals with the devil, the devil needs some competition. We need to become Alex's devil. Give him a clear choice. She suggested we develop a list of specific behaviors that he must sign off. She said make it clear he does have a choice, that we a now OK with his using and leaving. Part on good terms and maybe one day in the future our paths may cross again, maybe not. We have become OK with our life. The physical part of our decision I want to share now.

Right or wrong we bailed him out of jail but on our terms. We exerted the control we needed on our life. I know we can't control him but we operate best when we have structure and this helps us, if it doesn't work for him that's OK. We are still at the same place.

Our daughter suggested our son be required to sign off on the expectations we have before even being bailed out. It was really quite odd. We made a list and had to pass it to the corrections officer to give to Alex to read and sign. The officer watched it all and I could see him reading over the shoulder, grinning, he then put his hands up and told our son, "Hey, we have nothing to do with this, this is between you and them." Pointing to us on the other side of the glass.

We made it clear homelessness is his next step. We wanted to put that reality in writing not just another threat delivered in anger. Below I am going to post his conditions that he initialed every line and signed and dated in full at the bottom. This "contract" will be posted in our home where we all can keep it in the forefront of our thoughts. Here is the deal our son made with the devil. I don't know how this will work but we hope to be a better devil than his drugs and dealers. His signed this deal with the devil.

___________ You will come clean on all activities that has occurred in our home.

___________ You will turn over every paycheck to dad and money will be allotted to you based upon a predetermined budget.

___________ You will supply a list of your dealers along with phone numbers and addresses, which will be turned over to law enforcement.

___________ No driving will be allowed until a letter from the state of Kansas certifying your license has been re-instated.

___________ No alcohol of any type will be consumed at any time.

___________ No drugs of any kind, including marijuana will be used at any time.

___________ You will attend and participate in family counseling with Dad, Mom and any other family members that is required or wants to attend.

___________ You will begin an active recovery program. (simply “not using” is not sufficient)

___________ An active job search for a second job will take place and a second job will be used to pay all debts.

___________ You are not allowed any contact with, (names omitted but specifically name every person we know he did drugs with) or any other known or unknown active addict, dealer or users.

___________ There will be no stealing or “borrowing without permission” from any person, home or commercial establishment.

___________ Monday through Friday the doors to our home will lock at 10:00pm. You shall be in the house before the doors lock unless work schedules require adjustments. Adjustments must be arranged in advance.

___________ No in and out to smoke or anything else after curfew time.

___________ Weekend door schedules shall be set at the discretion of Dad and Mom.

___________ At any time you may be required to produce receipts, signed papers or and other documentation necessary to justify your expenditures or whereabouts.

___________ I understand that violation of this agreement may result in us contacting law enforcement with charges being filed against you for violations of the law.

___________ I have read this agreement understand and agree to abide by each condition that has been listed. Additional conditions may be added at any time at the discretion of (names omitted).

When we got home, the four of us discussed every point on this list and told him the work on some of these points needs to take place over time such as lists but behavior issues begin NOW.

There is no way to know the future. He may or may not have a future but Dad and Mom wish to be have a future and we have realized our current life will not allow us that wish. Changes in us and him have to happen, one way or another. But we have to be able to live with ourselves and with our decisions. Today we feel like another beginning. (been there before but that what hope does to you)

SS DD

It rips your guts out to do what you have to do when parenting an addict. And it really seems strange to talk about parenting a 22 year old man. But his actions are of a child and he treats us as parents that are suppose to provide for him so I really don't know what else to call it. Someone please, if you have a better term or phrase enlighten me.

Spoke with my son last night and he was begging and pleading to be allowed to come home if he could find someone to bail him out. I held my stance, he cannot live in our home again as long as he is the way he is as an active addict. He tried everything he knew to say including the homeless issue. Mom didn't even come straight home from work last night because she could not deal with the phone ringing constantly from jail. He doesn't seem to get that this time was a breaking point for Mom too. Mom is having a hard time, she can't even talk about it but I think she is processing and will come out better this time.

I need to read Truth # 7 again:

7. Homelessness May Be The Path He Chooses

Mom works in downtown Kansas City. When you drive down there you see homeless people with signs and some of them living under the bridges. They are dirty and hungry. They very likely are addicts, alcoholics or suffer from a mental illness. The one common denominator for all of these men and women living alone and homeless is that at some point in their life they had people that loved them. They are sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends to someone. That doesn’t change their situation. They made choices that got them to this point. They can make other choices, and there are people and organizations to help them change. The key is, they must make the decisions. If our son makes the decision to live this way, it will hurt me terribly but he will do this until it is time for him to change, I cannot change him or those circumstances. It will not help him for me to give him a bed in my home if he continues to live the lifestyle.

Even though I wrote these truths that I have come to believe, I still have to go back to re-enforce what is reality for us each day.

The fairness issue is one I struggle with each day. I know that life is not fair and live that reality each day but rationalizing is hard when dealing with an addict. As an example, in our family our son has cousins the same age. These young adults are not addicts, they are going to school, working and some have even graduated college and preparing to get married. They are living at home. With the economy and schooling and a multitude of other reasons it is perfectly legitimate for them to live in the family home. This is not unique to our family it is a reality all across our nation. In fact many parents are praised, not just in our family, for helping out their adult children 20-25 years old get on their feet after college and while they look for a job or get established in a job to build the money for buying their own place. As the parent of an addict you are not afforded the same respect when you try to care for a sick young adult that is addicted. Comments of, "Why are you letting him live with you?" by others hurt you. I guess from the outside it is hard for some people to understand that it is possible to love an addict. We love our addicts just as much as we love our other children. We love our addicts just as much as other people love their non-addicted children. I think that is why it is especially hard for us to treat this disease the way we must to ensure we all come out on the other side healthy as possible. If I could go back to living where I believed that addiction was just a choice by people with poor character it would be easy to kick him out. But when you understand that addiction is a disease of the brain then it is awfully hard to turn out a sick child with no place to go.



For those that don't know, SS DD, Same Shit, Different Day

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Jail I Go

It is almost comical the level of stupidity that an addict reaches.

Yesterday our son got arrested in a neighboring county at a large discount store that he had been told to stay out of because of past actions. Mom paid his bond and sprung him because of upcoming court dates. (can you say enabling) Dad and Mom are not at the same place on this. At least it was only $150.

Today Mom e-mails me that he is in jail today in our county. I don't know the whole story (doesn't really matter or worth caring about) but what she said was he was speeding and got pulled over and outstanding warrants. Mom says no bail today, he can just sit. (Real story I called the sheriff. Charged with: open container, driving on a suspended license, 3 outstanding warrants in two jurisdictions.) (Sheriff ask me if I needed bail amount and I told him, no, you picked him up you get to keep him, this ain't no catch and release. He just laughed.)

But in our county I am sure his car is in jail too so there will be tow charge and storage. I don't know what to do with the car. I will probably get it out and hold it for sale if he doesn't pay the charge to me. No sense in me losing the money to a tow company when I could put it in my pocket instead. (to get the car out of tow lot, $100)

Tell me from an addicts perspective what does follow the rules mean. We had that discussion last night when he got home. Addicts have got to be the stupidest f..king people on the face of the Earth.

The one thing he did listen too; I told him to never call me from jail again. He didn't call me. I guess I did reach him at some level!!!

????? Is it too late for an abortion if the fetus is 22 years old? ;-)

Maybe those online medical coding schools will provide the discipline and needed health education he needs.

Nice Dinner

I wanted a relaxing dinner so I rushed home and cooked.

Taking a cue from Syd, he has been making me long for the beach, I boiled some shrimp, roasted corn on the cob and did a light salad and opened a bottle of wine. This is Mom's favorite meal.

To take it further and try to get that laid back beach feeling even though we are almost 1000 miles from the closest beach I set a small table outside under the tree. We ate outside, the breeze was gently blowing and the sun was playing peek-a-boo behind the clouds. But, what really gave it the true beach feeling I used a quart of Pennzoil 10W - 30 motor oil as the table decoration.

Relaxed

Our son moved back into our home. He and his girlfriend had to give up their apartment so they both went back to their respective parents.

I can tell you it wasn't something he did with excitement and to be fair we weren't excited either. But sometimes you do what you have to because you have too. Plus, our son had a job but no transportation. For a couple months he has been bumming rides to get to work. When he was really stuck he would call his sister or his mother. That was nearly a 60 mile round trip for us to take him to work and then another 60 miles if he couldn't find a way home. Oh the endless joy of living in the country. But truth is we knew work was a good thing for him so this sacrifice was minor in comparison to what we had been through in the past with him.

Finally, I got to where I didn't like everyone having to drive him around so far so I bought him a $1000 beater car. A small price to get my wife back in the evenings so we can relax together.

Today was the day to get the car licensed. We started the day off with a drug test, he passed. He told me go ahead test anytime. Funny thing, he took a picture of the test results, sent them to his sisters and his girlfriend. Said he hasn't had many that looked like that so he was going to make sure everyone saw it. Took him to get his paycheck, he paid for his insurance and then it was off to get the license plate. He was so proud to have that plate. It was actually something he paid for and was his own to go and physically put on his own car.

He seems to have goals now which is something I haven't seen in him for many years. My fingers are crossed but my eyes are open. I am a firm believer nothing good will ever happen in all of this without having goals. But that is kind of one of my life motto's, without goals life is just something that happens to you not because of you.

Sad Ending

This morning when I arrived at work a friend informed me that her friend's son had died of a heart attack.

This friend of her's was someone that she had sent to my blog because her son was an addict. She said her friend's son had been clean for 6 months but had sustained damage to his heart from his drug use. Yesterday evening he suffered a fatal heart attack at the age of 25.

I am sorry for this mom. I did not know her personally but as all of you that read these blogs I feel a special kinship to parents with children addicted. To this dear Mom, you are in our thoughts.

This is a harsh reminder of the damage that is done to the addict from this disease.

A New Partnership Posting

The Partnership For A Drug Free America has posted another one of my essay's. This is one that you may remember, many of you commented that you really liked.

I really do read the comments and listen to you ALL. Thank you all so much for your wisdom.

I'm Sorry Officer, I Didn't See The Sign

A Thief

update: Just got an e-mail, Helium.com has removed the plagarized post and banned Karter Sperry. Less than 24 hours, very good Helium.

I am so angry. I write on here to try and help others and to help myself. It irritates me when I found that someone has stolen my work and it using it to make money for themselves.

Yesterday I was searching the internet and found an article written by a Karter Sperry on Helium.com. Helium is a site where writers can published their work and get paid for their writing based upon the number of stars they receive. Mr. or Ms. Sperry plagiarized my letter to my son and published it as their own work. The stolen work can be found here: http://m.www.helium.com/items/1810574-addiction-and-recovery .

He copied my work from this blog location here: http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2010/03/message-to-my-son-or-any-other-addict.html

It is shameful when someone will steal your writings and make money from them. Even with a copyright notice you must be vigilant. You may want to check your writings also. The way I found this is to copy a paragraph of your article and go to plaragrism checker such as: http://www.dustball.com/cs/plagiarism.checker/ enter the copy paragraph and look for links.

I have no problem and it actually warms my heart when fellow bloggers use words from my blog to help others and I haven't found a single blogger that didn't credit "Dad and Mom". But Mr.or Ms. Sperry angers me!

Another Mom

It is so sad they just keep coming and coming.

Please look in on this mom of an addict.

The Addict In My House