Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Tempering Excitement

On Sunday evening we went to the baseball game. I am a baseball fan and really enjoy the pace and art of the game. I know a lot of people say those are the things that are destroying the game. It's too slow, not enough action is often heard but to sit and watch the game, think about the strategy and try to match wits with the managers as they make changes or not is the thing I love about the game. Plus where else do you get to yell as loud as you can at someone that is having a ball thrown at him over 90 mph, not golf or tennis that's for sure.

We live in KC so there are a couple of choices when we take in a game. Of course we have the Kansas City Royals but close to where we live we also have the Kansas City T-Bones, a minor league independent team playing in the Northern League. I actually enjoy greatly going to their games. Tickets and concessions are very cheap and parking is free, makes for a night of baseball plus concessions for under $15 and those are tickets sitting in the front row next to the field, traditional hot dogs are only $1. In all my life of attending baseball games, we know baseball is about traditions, I have eaten at least one hot dog at every single game I have ever attended. No way am I breaking that streak.

It was our son's girlfriends birthday so we treated them to an evening at The Park. By both of their accounts our son has been clean for over a week. There were sparks of normalcy enjoying our evening out. They enjoyed going and we enjoyed observing our son unaltered.

It would be so easy to jump up and down shouting, "We're on the road now." But we've been down this road before. But for me this time I feel lost. I feel lost because I'm not on the road any more. This recovery road is not my road to travel, it is his. I always thought I had to be driving when we took that route but this time I got out of the car and it is his time to circle the track day after day. I am going to stand on the side and cheer after each lap/day but no more driving for me.

Knowing my control personality Mom is probably in the worst spot. She is the one that will hear all my criticisms about the way he is circling the track but I hope to be able to learn skills about tempering my excitement and critisism as he makes laps. There was a book I read when I was little and I read it to my kids too, that might be right for now; Go Dog Go, P. D. Eastman.


Jake's Mom said...

I'm glad everyone had a nice time together at the ballpark! We take what we get when we can get it. I'm praying for you and your family and especially for Alex.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog which has led me to other parents blogs and want to say thank you. I'm struggling as my son sits in rehab at age 16 and after 3 years of counseling and recent IOP. He's lucky to be alive right now. As a psychotherapist I struggled with my marriage to his father for 15 years and the dance of being powerless in my own family while able to help others. I can't divorce my son and this dance of powerlessness until he's 18 with parents still ultimately responsible for him is one I am finding very, very difficult. Alanon meetings aren't as helpful this time around because most are dealing with adults, but I'm still practicing the tenets and reading. I wish my boy was oppositional so I could be more angry. He's a sweet, kind soul that Addiction has kidnapped. After a week of resistance he says he's working it. We'll see. Thanks for sharing your journey. It helps greatly.

VJ said...

We are on the "Recovery Road" with you. We have been traveling it for 17 years! We keep getting lost. Right now my son took the wrong exit but I decided to just wait at a rest stop and enjoy the view.

Syd said...

Glad that the evening was good. It is a good thing to not have to run the laps but let him do it. I don't think that I ever got anyone to do what I wanted because I told them they needed to.

DadTruth said...

Baseball is a great game and getting to spend it with your sober son is priceless.

I am ordering the book for my new grandaughter.

LisaC said...

I love baseball (my team is the Dodgers) but we also have the Quakes (professional/minor league) and the 76ers nearby as well. I love everything about baseball except the designated hitter rule...I think it takes away too much of the strategy!

I am glad you had a good night with Alex and the GF. Each good time is a time to be cherished.

Anonymous said...

Please try not to feel lost, Ron. I know this is going to sound really weird, but try to have NO expectation for your son regarding HIS sobriety. I, too, am very controlling and this was the one and only way that my husband and I could cope on a day to day basis with our daughter. Again, not to be harsh, but you don't even need to cheer for your son. The person your son needs to please in the man in HIS mirror. Remember, this is your son's race, not yours. Funny, Mariah is my youngest of three...I guess the true letting go of the youngest is always a challenge- especially when they are an addict. Glad you enjoyed the baseball!

Annette said...

I think when we as parents finally hit that place where we climb out of the drivers seat, where we really truly stop trying to fix this and let our kids live it out however they so choose...I think that is when *we* begin to heal from all of this pain and begin to get our lives back. Our happiness or lack thereof is no longer determined by the happiness or lack thereof of our adult children. It is a HUGE turning point for everyone. Go Dog Go...I love it. Spoken like a true dad. :o)

Erin said...

I love the "normalcy" feeling, isn't it wonderful. I'm out of the drivers seat as well, had a good counseling session today, my first, and well worth it. Letting go not an easy thing.... especially when he is living with me. Had a drama filled weekend but it was good much of the darkness that needed to come into the light did. I'm really happy that you were all able to enjoy the game!

Barbara said...

I love that book! I still have an old copy of it, maybe I should dig it out :)

Sounds like a fun time at the game, why do hotdogs taste the best at baseball games?

I know its not our road to travel, but like it or not we are aware of the road and the journey. Lets try to keep perspective yet still have hope.

clean and crazy said...

great post and you are learning to detach well. this is part of the process.

hey if you want to cheer, i haven't used in almost 6 years and i only quit one time!! i know it works.

Dad and Mom said...


I am proud of you and I am sure everyone reading this blog feels the same way!!!!!!!!!!

Be strong and you are an inspiration.

A Mom's Serious Blunder said...


Heather's Mom said...

It sounds like you've got a great attitude with giving up trying to control. I truly believe it will benefit A in the long run as he can own his successes. So happy for your day at the ballpark. I know how it feels when you're like, pinch me! Enjoy the good times, you deserve them!
God bless.

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

It is sooooooo fucking sad, isn't it? I'm a drunk. I've been through rehabs, I have attended AA meetings, and I've been counselled. I have put my family and my girl and her girl through hell...but the pull is stronger. Oh-so damned strong. What to fucking do?

Pray. A lot. Allow God to help. Meditate. Sack up. Get pissed.

I need to tell myself, "Adam?! Enough!! Get on with your *life*, jack-ass."

Can I? Yes. Will I? Does a bear poop in Central Park?

As Mister Rogers would say, "Can you say 'ambiguous answer'? I knew you could!"

Peace to you and yours.

We all have our battles, man.