I owe all of you that cared so much to express a concern or take a moment to remember our son and family an update from my last posts. Those posts expressed a dire circumstance and the times are dire. I may get in trouble from mom and I may get awfully personal in the descriptions but this is a problem that as you all know is very personal in everyone that it touches.
Last Thursday I contacted my son about spoons and needles I found in his room. He has been living with his girlfriend but was coming by to crash after he dropped her off at work. She is a very good person. She has two very nice daughters and she has been around addiction all of her life through her mother and father. That has strengthened her resolve not to let it invade her life. At times that must be very hard when you are surrounded with it as you grow up. Currently her mother is clean and I don't know anything about her father, I can only assume he is the same. Kudos to both of them. This is what makes it so hard, she says she loves the clean Alex but hates the using Alex. Alex says he loves her but I'm not sure he understands what that really is or he would be doing different things.
Back to my conversation with my son. I was not mad I was just resigned. I told him he had violated our contract, which truthfully, all along I knew he would. Finally there was buy-in from mom, I told him very calmly that we both wished him well, we knew some of the things he was doing but we were sure we didn't know it all but it was every bit as bad as you can guess from reading my last posts. I then told him that we had to take care of ourselves and it was time he made a decision. What he needed to decide was what life he wanted to live. He could either remain a part of our family and to do that he needed to begin actively working on his recovery. Do everything it takes and we would be the braces to hold him up but he had to be the one that wanted it, carried the load and he had to do the hard work required and whatever was required. His other choice was we were perfectly fine with him continuing his current lifestyle. If he wanted to use, deal or whatever we could now be OK with that decision if choose to go that way. But, we could not have that lifestyle in our life in any longer. We ask him to think of himself as being alone. Please do not come around, do not come to our home and do not even acknowledge us if we meet in public because we cannot have that, or bring that hurt into our life any longer. We told him that if he chooses that path we really do sincerely wish him well and hope he finds whatever it is he is looking for in life. That was pretty much the end of my conversation with him.
Last night we got a call from his girlfriend. First the bad news or good whatever your perspective. He is in jail again.
Now for the detail. Evidently he must have heard what I said on Thursday. His girlfriend said he was very shaken that his family had decided that they were prepared to give up on him. She said he was very thoughtful and decided to go cold turkey. She said this last weekend was terrible. I would have thought she would have took him to the hospital but I learned a long time ago you can't do what you don't know. She said he was sick, shaking worse than she had ever seen anyone, plus all the other withdrawal effects. I guess she didn't know how dangerous it is when someone does cold turkey from heroin and coke, speedballing. We wish she would have called or took him to the hospital but his is still alive. Last night she said he was feeling well enough to get out so he ask her to go to a NA meeting with him. He was driving to the meeting and he did a "rolling stop" at a stop sign. You know what happened then, yep flashing lights and outstanding warrant. They took him in. He is going to sit in jail until his next court appearance, the 28th and who knows what happens after that.
Mom and his girlfriend had a long talk last night and they both supported each other in that they would love to bail him out but they needed to let him sit for his own good but I'm sure he doesn't think it is for his own good.
His girlfriend ask Alex, "Why do you do drugs? You have everything." She said, at first his answer was, "I don't know." We've all heard that one haven't we. But she said he came back a couple days later on Sunday and said he had been thinking about it and said he doesn't like himself. I'm no psychiatrist but to me if he is serious that could be a step towards a profound experience. It all hinges on HIS next step.
A big difference is this time Mom and I know the next step is his step to take, not ours to take.