Thursday, July 1, 2010

Suspicion, Drama and Life

Sometimes it is hard to recognize the good because you are always on edge suspecting the bad.

Since my last real post we (all 3 of us) have been trying to live up to our end of the bargain. Truthfully, our life hasn't changed much, the items on the contract was what we expected anyway. Our son has taken it serious though and from what I can tell is trying to fly straight. Fingers crossed, seems like every time I say something like that disaster strikes.

I reminded our son last night that despite his addiction he has the strength to be whatever he wants to be and genetically he is strong enough to do what he sets out to do. I spoke to him of his family and ancestors. The strength each of them had to get to the place we are today. I told him to pull on that strength of us around him and reach deep into himself and use the strength of ancestors that I knew but died long before he ever met them.

The 4th of July is coming up. Our son says he is looking forward to it because he has missed the last 3 years due to being in jail or off drugging. It will be a welcome sight to see him interact with his cousins again. It may be uneasy and I can understand that. He has hurt most all of them in many ways. I hope forgiveness is within them but that is there call. I use to try and make it "right" but I have since learned my lesson on that one. I hope my son can recognize that building back takes a lot more than tearing down. I am hoping that this event that is drama free.

I am looking forward to this holiday. In the tradition of the Bar-Be-Que capital of the world, I will spend 2 days smoking meat. There will be quite a crowd at our house to blow things up on Sunday. To do that it takes food. I am smoking 2 full pork loins, a whole turkey and 2 slabs of ribs plus a huge pot of beans cooked open on the smoker infused with sausage, pork and brisket. They are almost a meal in themselves. Anyone hungry? Come on down, I am sure there will be plenty. It may not be politically correct on a blog about addiction but I just call this holiday the National Holiday of Alcohol and Gunpowder. From our house we can actually see 4 fireworks shows. We can see the Basehor show, the Cedar Lake show, a neighbors show (I think they may secretly be mad scientist pyromaniacs) and our own show. We have a good placement for the holiday events.


Syd said...

Enjoy the holiday. It sounds like a good time. I will be watching fireworks from the water as they are do a great show over the Harbor from the old carrier Yorktown. Happy Fourth to you and Mom.

VJ said...

I wish I could come!

These are the times I tresured the most. A time when my son was a joy to be around; no hint of the monster.

Enjoy every second. I pray his moment of clarity has arrived and it will last his lifetime.

Wait. What? said...

I have found that sometimes I look for similarities in my youngest and oldest in order to predict if he will do the same thing, as if I could even predict something like that, I know... but it is my sick and untrusting mind. Thank goodness it is only once every so often and not every day though.

Wishing you all the best holiday ever.

Fractalmom said...

enjoy that bbq and do it without expectations...that way you can just have fun, and not be worried about anything that comes down.

happy 4th!! the good ole american guns and food day (grin)

Addiction--Mom trying to Detach with Love said...

I love the 4th! Wow, you really put on the spread at your place, sounds so yummy. I hope you and Mom have a great feast and blow up day;)

Spark Check said...

It's nice to see parents who give a damn about their kids. Many of the addicts I encounter have no one helping them shake their addictions.

Anonymous said...

Hope you have a wonderful day with no drama or upheaval!

Tonjia said...

Dear Dad,

The speech you gave your son about having strength enables his addiction. The book "Willpower is not enough" refers to this as "addictive thinking". It sets people up for failure.

The FIRST step of recovery is to admit that we are powerless. POWERLESS. Not strong. Helpless. Incapable. He is powerless over his addiction, and you are powerless to fix it, despite your good genetics and ancestry.

The minute an addict starts to think he can control his addiction by sheer force of will, by his own power, in his own strength, he will relapse. Learn the steps so you can help your son. Please.

The second step is to come to believe that there is a power greater than you, and that THAT power, can restore us to sanity.

There is a power greater than you. That power is information, that you do not currently possess. That information can help restore your family to sanity. If you possessed the knowledge and skills and information that you need, then your son would be well. He isn't, and you don't.

Read some books. Go to some Al-anon meetings. Get some help. Please.

Dad and Mom said...


I am believer in do whatever works for you. For me I don't do the higher power or god stuff. Anything that comes out of mouth mouth like that has to be perceived as a con because everyone around me knows how I feel about those concepts.

I don't judge if that works for you, great. But personally I'm not going to advocate it when I believe powerlessness is just a method to become submissive to a deity or religion. No matter if your higher power is god or a tree. Something like that is not me and would not work for me.

I have told my son to use a recovery program of his choosing. Be it 12 steps, higher power, counseling, mental or chemical therapy or knowledge. I really don't care. In fact, being in some type of active recovery program is one of the conditions of the agreements he signed. The real point is that it truly is HIS CHOICE. I am only interested in outcomes.

Succeed or fail it isn't my call. But to do either requires effort, just do something. I was saying "just do it" long, long before Nike ever coined the phrase.