How do you make those connections to someone you never knew?
I see my son working on his sobriety today like I haven't see in the past. I think he is actually doing it for himself this time. In the past I look back and I see how we coerced him into recovery and it ended badly each time.
The efforts he puts forth this time will benefit him. I am not holding them up as benchmarks for myself or his success. It is his program and I refuse to own his work this time. This is a change from the past.
My current struggles are in recognizing that my son is a different person then when he began his addiction. But I must also recognize that I am a different person. The elephant in the room for me is the past. I see that letting go of our pain is something that is essential to success for both of us in this new way forward. I cannot continue to hold on to past failures, disappointments and hurt like a security blanket that reminds me to protect myself.
There is no doubt that the future will hold its own failures, disappointments and hurt. If I insist on building a wall from the onset to protect myself from those things it will not help me or him.
I am taking uneasy steps. I don't know how to interact with my son as an adult. For so many years my interaction has been with a addicted child and for most of that time my mindset was that he was my kid that needed to be straightened out. That really isn't very clear when I read it but I think most of the parents of an addict reading this will know what I mean.
I must learn to deal with a new person. This person is an adult, he is an addict in recovery, he is 22 years old and there is a lot of baggage with each of us. I can only control how I approach this new relationship but this time I have to accept how he wants to handle this relationship.
Hello, my name is Dad, it is good to meet you.