Monday, April 19, 2010

A New Behavior By Dad and Mom

Last week was on of those that seemed to be issue compounded upon issue. A flooded bathroom from a plugged sewer line that ruined the hardwood floor, mom's uncle died, another doctor appointment for my mother, daughter preparing to move to Chicago, son-in-laws birthday and our son wanted his truck that we had been storing for over two years.

Getting right to the point with all of this going on our son had to just make do with the circumstances. He has no vehicle that will run so he called and ask mom to pick him up, but he wanted her to do it on his schedule. She explained what had been going on with the bathroom and her Uncle J.R.'s death and we didn't have time to drive down to get him when he wanted us. He had to wait until we had an opening that fit into our schedule. In the past we would have dropped everything and did the suffering on our end, this time it was different. I was able to
retrieve his truck but it is really torn up. I don't think he realizes how bad he trashed this vehicle while he was using. I am going to give it to him free and clear but he can't take it until the title is switched to his name and then he can fix it and then get it licensed. He must be responsible for the vehicle and my name is off of the title.

My mother has been taking the
medication the doctor prescribed a few weeks ago and you can see a difference. She was with us for our son-in-laws birthday celebration on Friday night and she doesn't repeat things over and over and she appears to even be physically getting around better. Doctor give her prescription for 3 months of refills.

If you own a house you will eventually have a plumbing issue. We built our house about 22 years ago. And when I say we built it mom's Uncle J.R. (the one that died this week) was a builder and he built it and we did all the work we could do finish it to save money. He used his workers to do the main things and we painted, did concrete
flatwork, all finish trim and all cleanup. This week was our time for a major plumbing issue. The sewer line going out plugged and the drain water from upstairs backed up through the guest toilet downstairs. It was a nasty mess. It ruined the wood floor in that bathroom and out into the hall. I had to rip up all of the floor and this week we replaced it with real stone travertine tile. That is done now but I have decided to replace the trim in that area with old style door casing using fluted stiles with rosette caps. But at least I can take my time doing that. I just thought of something, J.R. builds a really good house, but this plumbing thing is quite a coincidence, do you think he had to jab me on this house one last time before he died? ;-)

We had a good time at son-in-laws birthday and it is sad to see oldest daughter getting ready to move to Chicago. We are a close family so it will make it harder on mom and I.

Back to son. We haven't saw him since his birthday. I don't know for sure but hopefully it will be good for us both with the events this week and him wanting us to come and get him. I feel like we respected ourselves in that we had our life to deal with and hopefully he will respect us for our decision. Plus, I hope he was able to handle us not jumping at his call to run to his aid. That is how real life rolls no matter if you are an addict or not.


Bristolvol said...

I am impressed that you have set boundaries and stuck to them. Addicts think only of themselves and expect everybody to just ask how high when they tell us to jump. He'll probably test you a time or two just to see if you really have changed your attitude. Stick to your guns!

Sober Move said...

It seems as though you're talking about the same person I dealt with years ago ;) As we change and start demanding respect from them, they slowly change to give us the respect we deserve. It doesn't happen over night though. I believe that's why it's always referred to as the long road to recovery, not the short one :)

Heather's Mom said...

I'm learning the same lesson, albeit mostly over the phone. But by doing things according to my life/plans/schedule, I've noticed Heather has been very respectful and loving toward me.
I don't fully understand how this works, but like Sober Move said above, it does. You've had a busy time, stressful time. I'm glad you took a stand and said you would pick him up when you could.
I pray for A everyday. I so hope he is doing okay.
I am sorry about mom's uncle - My sympathies to you and mom.
God bless.

Annette said...

Good for you and Mom on the not dropping everything to pick up son. I know that one very well. It is a huge step to say "no" or "not now." And the car situation too....we couldn't wait to get our adult kid's cars out of our names! lol And off of our insurance. :o)

I am sorry about Mom's uncle. And the plumbing stuff. Home ownership is a lot of work. Keep are doing great it sounds like.

Syd said...

Thanks for sharing the photos of the wedding in Mexico. They were great photos and very touching.
House ownership can be a trial. It sounds as if you are good a DIY. I am good at it also and am not afraid to tackle the projects that I can do which are most everything except electrical.

Bobby said...

Every addict needs to come to terms at some point with taking responsibility for their actions. You are simply facilitating this process. If you keep rescuing him he may not feel the need to change. It is important however that he still feels your love and support. Many times an addict will feel hopeless with nobody to turn to for help. It is important that he knows you are still there for him.

Mom trying to Detach with Love said...

Seems like when it rains, it poors, so glad you and Mom took care of yourselves!

Brother Frankie said...

fluted stiles with rosette caps...... good taste my friend..

Fractalmom said...

my deepest sympathies for your loss.