Thursday, July 2, 2009

So Far, So Good

It has been almost a week since I last posted. It has been a busy week and a good week.

We are getting my daughters house ready, it has to be in "move in" condition according to the appraiser. I don't see the problem. It is in a condition that I bet is better than 95% of all houses out there people are living in today. Well we will see what he says, it is nice and I'd live in it just fine. It is in better condition than either of the 2 houses I have owned when I moved in and one of them was a new house. I would wager that if the mortage industry had been perform this type of due diligence in the mortages of the last 10 years we wouldn't be in this deep of a housing crisis now.

My son is still working. He is doing just fine working here with me and at the Sonic. He says he is tired but that is good for him in my way of thinking. I was discussing his financial issues with him and we figured up he owes about $3K in fines and costs to date, to live at the center. I told him if all he has to do is work he should work every hour he can get and pay every penny he can. Spend nothing and pay everything ASAP. He suddenly realized that 3K could buy him a decent starter car but he doesn't even get that from his work. That really knocked him over when he realized he could have a car but NO he is paying for past sins.

The center is a tough road but he seems to be making it work for now. When it was 100 degrees I offered to take drive him about 3/4 mile to where they pick him up and let him sit in the air conditioned truck while waiting but he said he was not allowed to do that so he refused.

I do have some mixed feelings about some of the ways they do things. It is a part of department of corrections but they charge the inmates a daily charge to be in there and it is high. Plus the classes they are required to attend they charge a fee, for instance, yesterday he started a drug class and he is required to attend it and he has to pay $1100 to attend the class. I told him he didn't need a drug class he already knows how to use them all. ;-) But the issue I have is that by the time they are released they are usually several thousand dollars in debt and if a person is truly trying to start over that makes the hole so much deeper. And if the person isn't trying to get well then they don't care anyway. I am torn, if 6 months and this experience enables him to decide to fix his problem it is a fairly cheap "rehab", if it is the same old stuff then back to using it is money down the toilet and he is in a hole that I don't believe in which he can crawl out.

Others In Turmoil

Reading some of the other blogs of parents with addicted children and it seems to have been a fairly harsh couple weeks for them. Please keep other parents in your thoughts, holidays are tough without your child to share in the fun, and from our past experiences with our son it is even tougher if they are with you. Our son always seemed to ruin holiday celebrations because of his using and him getting high and making a mess of things. It is bittersweet having him away, but he is in a safe place. I hope all the parents suffering the same fate can find that it is bittersweet and enjoy the 4th of July celebration.

And for those of you, and I am thinking of a few of families in particular, you know who you are, I read your blogs and read your comments, who's children are in rehab or just incarcerated my advice to you is to try what has worked for Dad & Mom:

It is a time to rest, they are in a safe place, maybe not a pleasant place, but safer than the street. Go home cry a little, laugh a little, hold each other close for a long time. Re-gain your strength, refresh, they will be out soon and you will need to be there for them again in some fashion. Take a couple weeks and plan your life, learned from hard lessons, it does no good to plan their life.


Gin said...

Wonderful post. I am glad to hear that all is working out right now with your son. One day at a time. Your words to others that are suffering were loving and priceless.

Anonymous said...

It is a crying shame that rehab costs so much money. It's a Catch-22. So many people would benefit from drug classes, but not being able to afford the care-- let alone medical insurance-- means that people go with out any kind of professional care. You did a superb job, as always, expressing how messed up "the system" is.
As for your son, I'm happy to hear that he's settling in.
I'm on vacation, and my husband starts tomorrow for a week. We have vowed to take a week to be together-- taking daily trips someplace to talk about anything other than "it". "It" can take over our lives, and I'm getting tired of "it".
As always, your blog is an inspiration to me and so many others. Thanks.

Madison said...

I love this honest blog. And I know these words seem so simple and it's all not simple. But, I think you can almost guarantee that every holiday will be somehow ruined until the day you decide that no more holidays will be ruined.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

My comment didsappeared! I messed up and am too tried to re-type it. To summarize: sounds like things are going pretty well for you, I agree about the costs of rehab, and YES I am enjoying the P&Q of my son being locked up!!! I love it. He's in a very safe, comfortable jail. He looks great and seemed happy.

ChaiLatte said...

So happy to hear that your son continues to do well. Always enjoy reading your blog and thank you for your continued support of my situation, I so appreciate your generosity towards others and their pain. I wish a happy and fun 4th for you and mom!!


Glad to hear all is going pretty good. Haven't been to your site in awhile.........We have been fairly firm now since last Aug. except on holidays if our son was clean he has been allowed to come to family gatherings. Last 2 being Easter then Father's Day. We were able to get his little boy for the day with permission for him to see his Dad. But being homeless in an area where you grew up is not the same as in a strange town where you know no one.
So we have been very he called a place and they have a bed for tomorrow. Say your prayers that he gets there. His older brother will drive him.
We will be gone for a couple of weeks with our grandson for a family gathering. So I probably won't be able to get back to write for a bit.
I wish Mom & Dad and everyone all the best in this struggle.