Well I blew off some steam. It's been a few hours since I got out of court and I had some lunch.
I don't know if he is getting out of jail or if he is getting transferred to another jurisdiction. But if he is coming home we must be prepared and stop just letting life happen to us. This is a situation that we control. We can chose to give up control but if we do we must make that a conscious decision.
If he comes home ground rules must be established by us. No more free rides, a 21 year old pulls his own weight. "Our house, our rules", that is a phrase that every parent of a teenager knows. With a young teenager the bluff usually works wonders. With a 21 year old son it has a definite meaning and if he thinks it is only a threat than he'll suffer the consequences of his actions. The rules and enforcement is up to us not him to establish.
I have always heard that in prison there is "hard time" and "easy time". In some ways, as a non-addict, I have to believe that for an addict just the complete lack of being able to control your life because someone else has taken that responsibility would make not using the "easy time". Being out and not using when the drugs are so available has to be the "hard time". That is if they really want to quit, but who am I to know. One thing for sure, quitting is his choice if he chooses to use then he cannot be in our home or maintain a close relationship with me.
It is sad, I love my son but he is coming dangerously close to being just another addict to me.
Something stark hit me last week. I was having a discussion with a person that I have worked with for over 10 years that knows this whole situation. He made the observation that I used to speak of Alex this and Alex that, now I refer almost always to him as "my addict". That observation has been weighing heavily on me, the truth is after thinking about it, Alex is disappearing. What is remaining is an addict in which the shining good qualities of my son are growing dimmer and dimmer.