Well it took less than 24 hours for my suspicions to be raised. When I got home from work yesterday he was gone. Got dropped off by someone I didn't know. They didn't bring him to the driveway, he got dropped up the street. I checked his myspace page, he sent messages asking people, "who is holding". I assume that means who's got the dope. His behavior last night was classic using, jerky, up and down, not able to hold a conversation, in and out of house, shaky, went to bed a 9pm but was up and down all night long.
Now it is just a matter of time before the evidence presents itself. Classic pattern, use, bizarre behavior, and then evidence. I really believe he has no idea what game he is playing with us this time. I even reminded him last night.
If I am right my son will be homeless soon. Probably real soon.
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18 comments:
I'm sorry but he has choices. Maybe he just isn't at the place where he understands what will happen. Drawing the line and setting boundaries are difficult but sadly necessary.
it is really a sad situation, stick to your guns though. He needs to hit his bottom. Or he won't have a reason to stop using. Good Luck with this. you are in my prayers.
It has to be heartbreaking to go through this and to see him make poor choices.
This is very sad - I am sorry for you. I think you know deep down what needs to happen here.
He is using.
I am so sorry to hear this, but I've seen it before with my own son. Obviously, you have to follow through. You and your family are in in my prayers.
don't wait. just do it. it's sort of like docking a puppy's tail. you don't want to hurt them, so you just cut off one inch, then let it heal, then cut off another inch, let it heal, etc.
better to just bite the bullet and do it.
he might as well start living out the consequences of his choices now. God knows, you, your wife and family have been.
at least he isn't 4 months pregnant and in the middle of a snowstorm. that's when i finally booted my daughter out.
i will pray for you and your family.
I am so sorry to hear this. You are in my prayers. I think you are correct in your assumptions, sadly. This is indeed classic.
And heartbreaking.
I'm praying for strength for you, as you make your decisions, and peace in your heart, that you will know they were the best decisions you could make for all concerned.
I am with you fractalmom, do not play the hide and seek game. He is using, you KNOW this. One of the most insidious parts of addiction is how the addict makes us crazy. I used to play that game with my addict. I knew he was using. I could tell but he made me crazy enough that I actually would seriously doubt my instincts, my eyes, my ears, my nose. It is a game to them and the longer you play it with him, waiting to kick him out till you what? Find a pipe, needle or some other evidence? This is not a court of law you do not need evidence, this is your home and he knew the rules when he came back. You know yourself and your son well enough to know if he is in fact using. If he is, done deal. He sealed his own fate. It is not easy to get to the point where you can be so matter of fact about it. I had to keep reminding myself over and over and over... this is his disease... this is his disease. He is an adult who makes choices and it is not my place to come between him and his decisions. That is not easy to do. Someone once told me that God has a plan for all of us and every time I got in the way of God's plan for my addict I was doing more damage than good. God knows what it is going to take to get him to the point that he wants to stop and I have no right to get in God's way. My heart goes out to you.
Oh gosh, I am so sorry. I do understand the waiting though. I am always hesitant to do anything drastic until I have the hard evidence in my hand. God forbid that I was wrong and kicked her out without real reason. Although if I am suspecting and seeing red flags, I am usually not wrong. I do like Fractalmom's analogy though about docking a puppies tail. I think we create more pain for ourselves when we give chance after chance....but there is always that hope in a parent's heart. I don't know Dad, it is so freaking hard to go through all of this. My heart goes out to you.
I was going to ask you his age....sorry if I've forgotten. Sounds to be like he should be homeless soon, for his own good. This is all such a heavy burden for us to deal with, isn't it? Thank God Alanon is taking care of me right now.
He is 20
I am sorry. Sigh. Its like drugs just own the person and they are no longer themselves. I hope your son has a moment of clarity and chooses the path to recovery (I hope the same for mine)
Hang tight. He made the decision to use again willingly... he had choices, and it looks like he made one, Dad. He doesn't believe you will hold him accountable.
Thinking of you all
Praying for you to have the strength to calmly and firmly make your decisions and trust God with the outcome.....
I know how hard that is.......
How bizarre, do the younger generation really score via MySpace???!? wow
I speak as a raving addict so I don't want to sound too glib but I had 2 queries
1. what drug of choice are we talking about here?
2. speaking as a heroin addict of 10 years (just about) "standing" I should say to you, if he does have to post up questions like that it impies he's not perhaps as deeply into it as could be. why do i say this? because when you're full-on into drugs you have a direct relationship with the dealer and would never in a million years rely on scoring through a friend or 3rd party (who will probably, of course, want a bit in return)
then again he did only just get out of prison, so I don't know. i just thought maybe that 1st impression might reassure you
(I bet it doesn't at all!)
I must add I'm totally new to your blog, having found you only today via a new Follower at my Vol 2 main blog
drop by if you like but beware as I say I am a raving heroin addict I just "try" to sort it out, y'know...
To answer your questions:
1. Drug of choice is oxycotin or black tar heroin
2. He had just gotten out of jail and MySpace and facebook is how he lets his friends know he is out.
Now the phone is boucing off the hook. He does not have a cell phone or a car
He is sick. He can't sleep. He is litterally in pain. Big time pain. He wants relief. He wants to feel normal. He wants to not be an addict. He wants to be high. But most of all he wants to be normal.
Empathize with his sickness and try to help him through it. His only way out (to him) appears to using. Get him on methadone asap.
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