Over the course of this blog there has been thousands of words put to screen by me, not including thousands more by commenter's. I have reached that point I am stuck. Maybe it's called writers block or something like that but it's not really like that. I know what I want to say but I cannot come up with the right string of words to convey my message. This probably won't be neat and clean and many re-writes may be required but here goes.
When Alex stopped using there was a level of fear and suspicion that I am sure all of you understand. Yea sure, a familiar phrase, I've heard this before. Days turned into weeks, weeks morphed into months and months grew to years. The memories of horror and fear will never leave me but a comfort and peace has taken over in my mind. A new mantra has entered my life, "All things are possible."
The hard part is telling someone how I feel when I see Alex in comparison to what seems to be so long ago now. A simple one line post I wrote July 12, 2010 is a benchmark from where I start, "It is not good. With what is going on it probably won't be long." At that point I was so heartbroken and despondent that I couldn't even come up with a title, the title of the post was simply, "Untitled".
Today my son is a man, a father and a person I am proud to know and call my son. Sometimes I catch myself simply staring at him, it is as if I cannot believe I have been given more time with him. He did this and allowed us to all see what he can be instead of what we feared. I wish I knew better how to say what I really feel.
I'm not a good writer, I just throw words out about how I feel and what I think. I am at that point I don't know how to string the words together that adequately describe how I feel today about my son. So I just have to leave to you all to guess and try to imagine. I know some of you are experiencing this too with your sons and daughters, clear and sober where you never truly believed it could be possible. Maybe you can send me the words or help me because I am stuck.
To those parents that are still struggling I say never give up hope but place your hope where it belongs, not on them but on yourself. Where there is life there is hope. All things are possible. My hope lies with you, your poor sick children and your loved ones.