Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Answers -- Barbara

I will answer all of the questions. So as not to make the post too long I am going to split them up and answers will follow on each day. I'm answering them in the order they were received. This is not a one time thing, if you have a question feel free to post and I will add it to the list.

Barbara Ask: Have you ever followed your gut regarding Alex rather than going along with the typical "do's and don’ts of relating to an addict"? If so, what was the situation and how did it work out?

Barbara, 90% of the things I did was my gut reaction. I read many books, listened to many people and wrote thousands of words on this blog. My way is even if someone gave me step by step methods I can’t just accept what I read and am told. I read the words and then work a process in my mind to conceptualize my learning. I question how does what I am reading or being told relate to my past life experience. Probably doing this kept me from learning faster what I needed to know and caused me to make many mistakes. I was nearly 50 years old when this disease entered my family. I had no life experience in which to accurately compare the disease, behaviors and symptoms it was exhibiting. If 1, 2 and 3 happened then 4 was to follow, that is Ron thinking. I had to learn that at times 2 came first followed by 6 and 4 and the answer may be somewhere past 10. This is why I suggest to people to do that they are capable of doing at any given time concerning this disease and after that sit and deliberate, ask the hard question, “What did I learn?” How am I going to apply this learning in the future? This helped me to learn how to act instead of react. I spent too many years reacting to my son’s behavior instead of acting on his actions.

Barbara Ask: How did you and Darlene meet

Darlene was a friend of my cousin. We met going to a company picnic at Worlds of Fun in 1974. Darlene was still in high school and I had graduated the year before.


Anonymous said...

When my teen aged son became
both depressed and then addicted, I thought that counseling would help him. I had great (misplaced)
faith that somehow these professionals would know exactly how to help him. After all, I myself had no experience with this.
I've learned the hard way that
there are no certain answers. I too read, learn and trust my own instincts. No two people are alike. We don't all respond to the same things. My son himself
will have to decide that substances are harmful to him and make the necessary changes.

Barbara said...

Thanks, Ron! One of the best things about your blog is that its packed with helpful info for parents who are new to this.

WOW! You met her a looooong time ago and she's stuck it out with you all these years? The woman is some kind of saint :)

Seriously, I think its sweet and romantic. TRUE LOVE!

Syd said...

I think that my gut instinct is such a strong force. It seems as if it is right all the time.