Friday, November 19, 2010


Yesterday my son passed a couple of milestones in justice. He had two court appearances that could have carried significant time in jail. The first appearance in the morning he had been advised by his attorney chances were likely he would receive 90 days in the county jail. I don't know what was done or said, maybe the the judge did see a different young man standing before him. The sentence wound up being 2 weekends in jail, and my son gets to choose the weekends of his convenience.

The second appearance in a different county also carried a high chance of an extended stay at the county resort. Again only 2 weekends however the judge did mandate they be the next two consecutive weekends.

It's such a relief by all; the outcome was best as could be expected. Alex is still stressing from all of the fines. I tried to comfort him by explaining something that took me many more years to learn than he has been alive.

Money is easy. His initial response was a "HUH, yea!" I went on to explain, every single day we get an opportunity to make more money. Money is easy what comes today goes away tomorrow and more comes to take its' place. Money is nothing more than dirty paper and heavy metal. It provides a measure of comfort but fails by its very nature to provide joy.

Time and relationships are what's important. When you lose time and relationships that is irreplaceable. Every minute that goes by is gone forever, every dollar through your fingers gets replaced by another later. Joy is what you get from time and relationships. It's not the discomfort of jail that is the punishment. The loss of those minutes towards creating joy for yourself and in others is the punishment.

He seemed OK with what I said but I know from personal experience it takes a lot more life experience to accept a belief like this rather than acceptance because someone telling you it is so.

Lately Alex and his girlfriend have been joining us on Friday Date night. It is fun having them with us and we have been connecting with him in a way we have missed for several years. Looks like he will miss a few Friday's but that is OK. We'll catch up later.

ps.: almost forgot he does get to have Thanksgiving with all of us. :-) wonder if I will be able to think of something to be thankful for this year?


Syd said...

I am really glad. God knows, you both deserve a break from drama and anxiety. Happy Thanksgiving.

yaya said...

Enjoy the Recovery Journey. May you all stay on track. What a Thanksgiving you'll have this year!

Kristi (Jake's Mom) said...

I'm so happy that things turned out relatively well for Alex in court. I tell my son all the time, "See, when you're living right, things just work out." A very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!

Barbara said...

WOW! This is great news. A few weekends in jail is not a big deal and may even serve as a good reminder of how he doesn't want to spend his time.

I LOVE WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT MONEY! I needed to hear it for myself since its on my mind constantly these days.

I am so glad you will be having a truly thankful Thanksgiving this year!!!

beachteacher said...

oh great, I am so happy to hear of more good news for you and Alex. :)

Gledwood said...

This is addressed to Dad especially
How horrible actually is that jail? I once read about someone being extradited from federal(?) jail in New York to Brixton prison in London. I was surprised to hear the British prison was a lot worse. I know there is meant to be some difference between state, county and federal but as far as lock-ups go, I do not understand it.
There is a severe shortage of heroin in this country and people are going crazy. I am on methadone anyway and sticking to that. I have a dire record of sticking with the programme, this is my chance, no matter how unwanted so I'm taking it and using it.
It does have a parallel with being in prison because the choice is taken away, not just from me but 300,000 other people. Some are truly desperate. I started feeling desperate too, on their behalf.
I referenced your blog a couple of days ago. That would be about 2 posts under Saturday's furry animals. I gave your url in a list of other blogs about addiction. What I said mentioned something I once said in a comment that I said you might want to delete. I know you didn't delete it then so I assume it's OK with you to say it?
I gave my opinion on the matter, which I hadn't done before as I didn't think it helpful to you, especially as you know I still have a habit. I also didn't want to sound disrespectful, or for you to think I was trying to sway your opinion.
If you want me to change what I said for any reason please send a comment or just a blank one and I'll take a couple of sentences out.
If you have anything to say to these people, and some are truly desperate, now would be a really good time. This also applies to anyone else reading this, whether I know you or not. Anyone is free to say anything they like. Moderation is only on so I read it properly, it's not censorship. So it's wide open.
The post you need is labelled "heroin drought", with a dry lake bed photograph. About 100 people have commented so far. It's not my post I'm pointing you to, it's the comments.
If you do have anything to add, it would be greatly appreciated. If you don't want to add anything, of course I understand. It's here:
All the best and keep well.

Annette said...

Ron, I am really happy for all of you. I think that Alex being willing to accept whatever was thrown at him was huge. I am so glad that he got such a lenient sentence....maybe this was his HP honoring his humility and his acceptance of consequences??? Maybe. :o)

BMelonsLemonade said...

Good news for Alex! Sometimes I get stressed out about money now. I always try to think back on all the money I have spent on drugs and alcohol. In those days, it came and went through my hands and veins like the wind. Easy come...and even easier to go. In treatment, I had to try and figure out how much I had spent on drugs and alcohol throughout my entire addiction. On a conservative estimate, I was looking at about half a million. When I get stressed out about money, I try to think about that half a million...and then I realize, if I made it, and spent it like that then...surely, I can take care of a few bills and a little debt now. At least now, I can honestly earn it, and I can also put it in the bank (and save a little!)When I get upset about money, I try to think about the days when I woke up every morning broke, and in need...then, I can feel better about waking up tomorrow with the same amount of money I had when I left my job today.

Momma said...

My son has been clean now for 15 months. We will all be together this year for Thanksgiving, and how we do cherish this. Congratulations to your family for its successes.

VJ said...

That is amazing! what a blessing for all concerned. I am very excited for you and the family.

It may just be the best Thanksgiving of your life!

Tori said...

That is great news! I love the Friday night date nights. The money analogy was great as well. Have a beautiful Holiday with your family.

D said...

So glad the outcome was favorable for your son. May your Thanksgiving together be full of peace and joy.

Anonymous said...

I too appreciate what you said about money because it has been on my mind a bit too much lately. As long as I get up each day and go to work, I'll earn/make more money and as long as I'm not handing that out hand over fist to my son, I'm not harming myself or him!

Pay a little here, pay a little there - the debts will go down bit-by-bit and I don't have to count out evey stupid penny!

Thanks for you continued blogging.