"Great kids come from great parents." This was a comment I saw on a Facebook post. Everything about this statement is complimentary. I am sure there is pride and gratitude. It is a well deserved compliment when we see children doing wonderful things for themselves and others. The praise is deserved.
But, what about the other side to my opening statement. If my opening statement is true then is it an natural conclusion that, "Bad kids come from bad parents." I have thought about the parents of James Holmes, the shooter in Aurora, CO. I don't know anything about them, they could be terrible people or they could be the most wonderful people in the world, I don't know. I'm sure we have all been at each end of that spectrum at moments of our lives. It is so strange that we can quickly attribute the actions of any person no matter the age or life experience to the success of failure of parenting skills. I'm going indulge in an assumption, I believe the parents of James Holmes are probably living a nightmare of heartache, just as each of us do when we hear stories our addicted children, maybe multiplied 1000 times over.
As parents of an addict where do we all fall in that spectrum? Where do you see yourself? How does society see us? I'm sure most of us know how many in society views us and our parenting skills. I bet every parent of an addict can cite examples and tell stories of "I would have..., They should have...., If it was my kid...." that tore you apart inside. Many of them may even come from family or close friends.
There's not a lot I can say here to change the perception of others. Sometimes life experience is the only way many of us truly learn and I wouldn't wish the experience of being the parent of an addict on any parent.
There will always be people out there that believe a drug addict or alcoholic is nothing more than a POS. I'm not wasting my time on those people. It's personal, that POS is my POS and regardless, I hate what he is doing of has done more than anyone but as a parent I can see past that and still love the person. It's OK to separate the two parts.
I'm not going to indulge in a lot of speculation but I am going to share one solid belief that I hold close and that I believe to be an absolute truth. If you are a parent of an addict and you are out researching and searching for help for yourself and your child. You are reading this blog. You love your children regardless of their illness. YOU ARE A GREAT PARENT. Great parents do what they have to do because they love their child even when they are suffering from a disease and doing things we cannot fathom. Great parents help themselves to be healthy, strong and loving.