Guest Post: Valerie Paulson

I stumbled across your blog and wanted to say THANK YOU for having this as a sounding board for parents, and loved ones of addicts.
 
It certainly feels like a long, dark and lonely road to travel at times. I have never kept my son's addiction a secret as I have been fortunate enough to have a wonderful group of friends and family who support me. This support can only go so far when it comes to the heartache and worry.
 
My son is a 27 year old addict who is now in prison. You see.. he steals from our family to support his habit. He has done this numerous times whether it is cash or jewelry to pawn, essentially whatever it takes to get his fix.
 
I have dealt with this pain for years. Believe me.. I have tried it all to help him overcome his demons. We have had counseling, we have done several rehab treatments  and I am sorry to say.. it has been to no avail.
 
He brought 2 beautiful baby girls into the world ; one of which I am a legal guardian for. I am 50 years old and my daughter just graduated high school last year. My granddaugher started kindegarten this year. So, as you can see, I am starting over with raising a child. The second baby girl is legally adopted by her foster parents as I felt I could not handle raising a 2nd child. I am forever grateful as these foster parents are truly like a gift from God for me and her. They allow me to see and spend time with my granddaugher as a Grandmother should. Mind you.. both of the mothers are addicts as well.
 
The addict does not realize how much hurt they inflict on their family and loved ones by their actions. At this point my son will never be allowed to step foot in my house again. As a mother this is truly heartwrenching. You never lose the love and concern you have for your child however, you do at some point come to the realization there is nothing more you can do to help your child. And when you hit that point you refuse to continue to ALLOW him to hurt your family. It took me years to hit this wall and it hurts terribly.
 
I went to see a counselor when my son took blank checks from my checkbook and started writing them out to support his habit. By the time I noticed the 6 missing checks he had already written out 2 of them to the total of $700.00. I am so thankful we caught on before more damage could be done to our account. At this counseling session I gave a brief rundown of my life situation with my son and inquired " is it ok for a mother to turn her back on her child?" He advised me .. not only was it vital that I do just that immediately but, I should have done it years ago.
 
With that being said I have come to the realization and awareness that you "Cannot save somebody who does not want to be saved."
 
I will always love my son and have concern for him but, I have also told him that I am prepared for a phone call that he was found dead of an overdose. It is not a call I want to get but, as a parent of an addict this is a situation I have to be prepared for.
 
I do write my son in prison as I do love him as I stated earlier. I pray every single day for his safety and well being. I pray everyday that HE comes to the conclusion that he wants something better for his life. As a parent you want your children to be happy and whole. I hope that this comes true for my son but, have decided to step back and hope for the best. And continue to pray.
 
With regards and hopes of your sons continued health
 
Val Paulson