Sunday, February 6, 2011

Patience and Serenity

Alex is on work release from jail. Makes for a long day for me, pick him up at jail at 5:30am which is 25 miles away and then another 25 miles back to work and return him by 6pm, 100 miles a day round trip. Then I get to go home, but this seems to be working for him and frankly this "rehab" costs me less than any other that I have paid. Plus it appears this one is going to work. I've been told by others this time, "It seems like he really gets it this time."

Patience and serenity is not something Alex acquired in his DNA, at least not from my contribution. From what I can observe this will be hard for him, he's just not wired that way. Same with his dad. I've worked hard on this for a while now and still have a long way to go.

Alex doesn't do the NA thing because quite frankly because there isn't NA in Leavenworth County Jail and he is under strict rules about to work and back only no stops on his work release. He's done the NA before but right now his life doesn't really belong to him. I don't understand why they don't have NA and AA meetings in the jail.

I want to talk with Alex about these things I see as important like patience and serenity but this time I am trying to stay out of his recovery process. He has a ton of issues to deal with besides learning patience and I can see how patience would be a piece of the puzzle that doesn't seem important at this time.

Standing back a letting him figure out stuff is a good learning process for him and I. There are fixes I could take care of right now but I have learned a little patience and and I am letting it go. There really is a serenity when you don't take on others problems. I figure if he needs help he will ask and I need to respect him enough to allow him to decide what he needs instead of jumping in where I am not wanted.


Momma said...

I can relate to the feeling of this post, not the exact situation, but the feel of it. We spent so much time driving Son2 back and forth between treatment and college, an hour and a half each way. A lot of time was spent just waiting for him to talk. I would ask a few open ended questions, sometimes he would sleep, or give one-word answers, but sometimes he would open up. Those trips were grueling, sometimes several times a week, but also a great opportunity. You know you have a certain amount of time where you are with a person and can't walk away. You don't have to look them in the eye (eyes on the road)... it seemed to be a safe place to talk. Mostly I just listened, tried not to be preachy, maybe offered suggestions, or asked what he thought about this or that. Then, on the leg by myself, it would be a great time to think.

I hope you enjoy your driving time!

Annette said...

Those are some HUGE and very valuable lessons for us "good" parents to learn. We are the parents who take good care of our kids, who are readily available to help, and to love and encourage. Sometimes too much of a good thing is just too much. Good for you are giving Alex the dignity to be a man, and soon to be a father.

Syd said...

Good stuff Ron. He will either get it or he won't. I don't believe that it is up to us to do for others what they can do for themselves.

beachteacher said...

wow,...impressive Ron,...and it's not easy to feel "serene" while not offering help nor least not at first. And I agree,...if ever there was a place for NA and AA meetings, it should be right on site in jail....seems so logical to me.

Anonymous said...

Lately your posts have such a quiet calm acceptance about them. It seems like you BOTH are at the right place for lots of growth:)

Gledwood said...

You could always get in touch with the local NA and say "look my son's in jail and there are no meetings, do you know someone who would be willing to bring the message into the local jail"... and you might be surprised. I've met people who specialize in doing this. You only need to put forward the idea, maybe try writing as well. A letter that can be passed on to somebody who's willing might go further than a phone message that can be garbled and lost...

Just an idea!

Gledwood said...

You know I've noticed this before you're very committed and involved in your son's recovery... Other people we both know are trying to detach (and I understand why!) but you've really been through the mill and you've set your boundaries and you're still there for him. Really you are being model parents, you know that :-)

And I know it can't EXACTLY be easy to be in your shoes. Not shoes I'd ever want to step into, despite my situation. I had drugs to dull my pain. What do you have...?
A hell of a lot of strength. That's what.
And you obviously are in touch with the Higher Power NA talk of. You must be. I don't see how you could do it otherwise. You know I've probably said this before but it would kill me having a kid on serious drugs, I just couldn't handle it. Knowing what it's like, knowing from the inside. I just could not cope with that.

So in the language of hip-hop: NUFF RESPECT 2U!

Gledwood said...

i just want to add this isn't a sideways dig at anybody else, you all have your own situations and your own reasons i could never sit back and judge any of you