Saturday, February 19, 2011

Changing Conversation Topics

Our son is doing well. He is still spending his evenings and weekends in jail but he continues on work release. There is a hearing scheduled next week for a possible sentence modification and he has his hopes up that it can be converted to house arrest but I have been cautioning him not to get too hopeful.

Sometimes it is awkward for me getting to know him as a sober person. I think the last time I really knew him he was maybe 15 years old. Since that time his reality was been altered by drugs and my reality was been altered by my complete lack of understanding of this disease. Thinking about it; he was a 15 year boy and now he is a 22 year old man. Quite a change, at 15 fifteen our discussions were around basketball and skateboards. Yesterday our discussions concerned family budgeting, home ownership and good school districts for kids.

From my point I still sometimes tread nervously light. Sometimes you pinch yourself to make sure you are awake and sometimes you want to pinch him to see if he is real.

There is a long row still to hoe for him. Many other jurisdictions want to see him in court after he is released from this issue. Hopefully the judges will recognize a changed person and go light on him but like I told him. You can't expect 7 years to go away just because you changed. You are still accountable and must take responsibility.

Yesterday we were talking and he told me it was hard to think about the future when he is sitting in jail at night. I ask him if he remembers what I always told him about the future? His response was, "Always set goals." I smiled because not everything has been lost.


Fractalmom said...

I have had this problem with my daughter as well. She gets mad because no one will 'forgive' her actions of the past 12 years.

Ya think? I told her it's sort of like being pregnant. It takes 9 months for your body to get that out of shape, and it takes a full 9 months for your body to get back to normal.

You used and abused drugs and your family for the better part of 9 years. It's probably going to take 9 years of sobriety before anyone believes you, feels comfortable around you, and forgives you.

That's just the reality.

Annette said...

Great news Ron. I am so happy for you all.

Syd said...

I Sure do wish the best for him. It sounds as if he is finally getting mature.

LisaC said...

I'm very happy for Alex; and his maturity and growth; and I'm very happy for you and Mom.
We can't let all the negative go overnight, but we can enjoy their growth and the positive changes as we experience them.

Gledwood said...

If he could only leave this all behind him now he's still very young and has a chance.

Sober Julie said...

One day at a time as we're told. One day at a time I'm rembering who I really am. I always have had the core lessons I learned but I stuffed them so far down, greying the lines over time that it wasn't until I surrendered that they truly showed.
I'm glad his head is clearing.
Be kind to yourselves.

Anonymous said...

"he told me it was hard to think about the future when he is sitting in jail at night. I ask him if he remembers what I always told him about the future? His response was, "Always set goals."~~Hi, Ron. Tears in my eyes.

My oldest is doing extremely well but my youngest is still using some pretty heavy stuff.

Here's to hope...