Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Everyone going around today wishing mothers a Happy Mother's Day. I'll join the group just to be conventional. Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and especially those struggling mothers with addicted children.

However, I don't do "Hallmark" holidays. And that is a pretty dangerous statement when you live in Kansas City, home of and corporate location of Hallmark Cards. I Hope Don Hall Jr. isn't reading this blog, he's a pretty big deal in KC. Plus Mom actually worked for Hallmark for 6 months when we got married.

My alternative, instead of making a big deal over your mother today and sending cards, flowers and everything else. I try doing those things on 364 other days of the year.

Honor mothers 365 days of the year.


Anonymous said...

He is only 22. He was a successful high school student, soccer player and ASB Treasurer. He is addicted to something but I am not sure what. He has been in counseling since the summer after high school which is not helping only because he is such a manipulator...I am sure he only tells the guy part of the truth. I have asked him to move out of the house today..ironically Mothers Day because I can no longer take the pain of him living here stealing and lying. What is next...He will probably drop out of college (he has only been semi successful)and lose his job and maybe go to jail. He has pawned his computer three times I refuse to get it out again. His teeth are rotting out of his mouth after years of dental care and $5000.00 in braces. Does anyone have advice for me?

Jan said...

Anonymous.... I feel your pain. Your son is addicted to something. But, I applaud your efforts to stand firm and take the tough love stance. It is the most difficult thing in the world to 'kick your son out'. But, just like when we terminate a problem employee, they lost the job themselves. Your son has to admit he has a problem, and somewhere along the way, he will reach whatever he will consider his low. Whether that be jail, homelessness, living in squalor, we do not know. Each person has their own limit. I am hoping my 19 year olds is jail. By the way, Stevie's teeth are rotting as well.

Go to Nar-Anon, or Al-Anon for yourself. Seek counseling. Continue to reach out here. If there is any help or support I can lend, please let me know,

(PS- THank you for the mom day wishes Dad & Mom. I hope yours is wonderful- you should celebrate mom's everyday, but with teens, I will take the reminder! )

Dad and Mom said...

Dear Anonymous,

The advice you get may not seem like what you are expecting but the best advice is you need to take care of yourself first. You cannot stop him from doing what he wants to do. He will change when he is ready to change.

Read others blogs and experiences. Learn what you can about the disease and take care of yourself. Read this entry I wrote on my blog a while back,

LisaC said...

Mom and Dad...My husband (we are now separated) always said he didn't believe in Hallmark Holidays and I get the concept. But for those tht don't remember to thank, and love and acknowledge Moms and Dads 364 days a year, Moms Day and Fathers Day helps them. So to Mom, Happy Mother's Day.

To Anonymous...I'm not sure there is anything tougher than parenting an addict. My son is 22 and we've been through 4 years of manipulation, stealing, highs and lows, drugs in our house, etc. etc. etc. He is 6 months clean and doing well right now (we will continue to have hope). As Dad said, take care of yourself, and read, learn, write, listen. Find meetings or a counselor who specializes; and never give up hope.

Barbara said...

Ron, Wow, thanks for going out on a limb and risking the wrath of Hallmark to wish us a Happy Mother's Day! And to Mom - Happy Mother's Day. I look at it this way: Most Mother's (and Father's) should be appreciated 365 days a year. But not all Moms are fortunate enough to have someone in their life that actually says thank you or treats them as if they were special. So this is a day where, forced or not, most fathers acknowledge the mother of their children and most children acknowledge their mother. Plus we get to hear it from other people even if our own kid doesn't have much to say.

I learned years ago to have no expectations for any holidays because I will be disappointed. When my sister reminded Keven that he should at least get me a card he said "would you pick one out for me". Sigh. Oh well. I know he loves me.

To Anon: Others have left you comments, I will just add that you are not alone. Read our blogs and look for help from other parents who have been there. I am so sorry you are in this horrible nightmare :(

Annette said...

Dad, we don't do hallmark holidays either. Today my husband is painting trim and burning all of the sticks and branches that have fallen through out winter. Stuff that would have to be done anyway....but today is my day and when I told him I would love to have it taken care of he got right on it. I love that!

Anonymous...keep coming back around. You will find lots of compassion and encouragement here.

Debby of Oxycontin and Opiate Addiction: A Mother's Story said...

It's interesting to read what you wrote. I woke up, having a small pity party that my son didn't do anything to acknowledge Mother's Day. It was short-lived. Coincidentally, I thought to myself "this is a Hallmark holiday". I find comfort in knowing that my son's journey, at this time, is that he's safe and not using heroin. I know that he loves me. That's enough for, I can walk down the hallway and hug him, instead of viewing him across a jail cell window. Sobering though, pun intended. I haven't been on your blog in a while, but you are in my thoughts.

elizabeth said...

I am not part of the addiction community personally, (unless you consider my job as an RN in an ER).....but I totally agree with your thoughts on Hallmark holidays. I love that you say showing her 365 days of the year, not just one! I wish my husband did that...Additionally most of these holidays have really lost their TRUE meaning and it has become very much for commericial gain! I admire you both very much, stay strong.

Addiction--Mom trying to Detach with Love said...

Thanks to wonderful husbands like you and my husband, my Mother's Day was filled with love. Thanks Dad and tell Mom Happy Mother's Day.

Syd said...

I don't mind celebrating these holidays because they make someone feel special. It's okay with me. Ideally we each need to appreciate everyone 365 days a year but realistically that doesn't happen. So here's hoping that Mom had a good day.

Her Big Sad said...

I'm with you Dad, I hate hallmark holidays. Seriously. Read this article, to see just how far this "celebration" has been distorted from its original intentions:

Sorry, i don't know how to make a link in a comment, so, copy paste? or google "consumerism of mother's day a far cry from its origins" and maybe it will pop up?

I say it all the time: I'd rather have a gift on the third Tuesday of a random month when you happened to see something you thought I would absolutely love, and you buy it because you love me and want me to have it..... not because the calendar flipped a page. But I'm a cranky old broad, so I'm in the minority!! :)

And for the record, I loved the teddy bear my oldest daughter got me, and I munched for two days on the pound of humongous shrimp my DH brought me! At least they know what I like!! :)

Hope you guys had a great weekend!!

Bobby said...

Every Mother needs to be wished a Happy Mother's Day. It is usually a very self-sacrificing and thankless job. We should all take at least one day to remember how we got here, who changed our diapers once we arrived and who loves us no matter what.