Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Alex Is Home

It has been a long day that has included driving over 400 miles. It is good to sit on the couch for a while. 

Alex was happy to get out and he talked for about 100 miles. Life in El Dorado does not appear to be pleasant. Got home and got him out of his "issue" clothes. Plus while there in the intake and evaluation they are not allowed to shave or get haircuts. So the beard came off and he wanted a haircut. He spent some of his $100 get out of jail money on a haircut. 

I am trying not to be overly sensitive to whatever he says. I am trying to take it in and working on my listening instead of my talking skills. He appears to have a good attitude, whatever that means. I have never understood what people really mean with that comment but I use it because it seems to convey a certain type of message. I usually try to not judge on attitude, when it comes to attitude I try to boil things down to "observable behaviors." Those I understand. 

I have my fingers crossed or whatever. This time have had a ton of new learning since last summer. I am not allowing him to control me, my emotions or my judgement. (when I can help it, no absolutes in this job as parent of an addict)

My son is 21 years old. He is an adult and I have spent most of the time in the past treating him as my child. He is my son, he is not my child. He has experiences that I cannot relate too in my life. Dad can learn from son, I hope son still can learn from dad.  

12 comments:

Barbara said...

I am so glad he's home :) It just seems like a good way to have Thanksgiving. Your post made me think of how loosely I use some terms...I have friends who are very literal and take me literally and it gets me in trouble. I think the phrase "good attitude" to me means: good intentions, thinking positive, having hope. But we all know actions speak louder than attitudes.

I hope Alex does learn from you - you have a lot of wisdom (it comes with the gray hair right? :)

Dad and Mom said...

I hope there is a lot I can learn from him

Annette said...

***He has experiences that I cannot relate too in my life. Dad can learn from son, I hope son still can learn from dad.***

I love this. We all learn from each other huh. I know that H has been a wonderful teacher in my life.
I'm glad that Alex is home safe and sound. H called and said she would be late. She was stopping at a friends house on the way. A red flag...but we will see. I am just stepping back and letting things play out as they will.

Blessings to you Dad and Mom and family. Enjoy your day tomorrow.

Midnitefyrfly said...

I hope today is one of many days to be thankful for and that you all enjoy it for what it is.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~Einstein

big Jenn said...

I've observed myself with my stepson and realized that I can't relate to him because I'm not him. I'm not the same age. I try to imagine what I thought at his age and even then, I can't, because we are not the same people with the same experiences. I try to just SEE him. It's harder than it sounds.
I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving. jeNN

Jayne said...

I pray that this is a new beginning in your son's life. My son, also an addict, had told me ... one can take all the rehab classes, sit in jail or prison and think, be talked to until others are blue in the face, but until a person decides to quit, they will find a way to feed their addiction. I pray that your son has decided to quit, stays clean and puts into action the good things he has learned earlier in life. God bless you and Mom and the rest of your family. Jayne

Fractalmom said...

Happy Thanksgiving.

Lou said...

I'm missing my son on this Thanksgiving very much. My advice (for what it's worth), is be present with your heart for every holiday and special occasion that you have with Alex sober. These are the memories that will sustain you when the going gets tough.

Heather's Mom said...

Been hoping it went well when you picked him up - and it sounds like it did. Your plan on listening and not being overly sensitive sounds like a good one too! I wish you and your family a peaceful Thanksgiving and I'm glad your son is home with you :)

kristi said...

Glad he is safe. I know this makes you happy.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

I have learned so much from my son, and I too hope he can still learn from me. I am glad your trip was safe and he is home with you for the holidays. Talk is cheap as they say, so I understand your observing the actions.

Syd said...

I'm just catching up. So glad that he is home and that you had a chance to talk. Hopefully, things will continue to go well for all concerned.