An End of Year Update

Many regular and long time readers may have noticed that there was no attempt at humor on my blog this holiday. For those not initiated you an go back and read other posts from right before Christmas. This year it has been more about a quiet appreciation for me.

Today is my birthday and the last day of 2014. Today I give pause to the pace of the holiday celebrations to think about what was and what is.

For those parents still embroiled daily in the chaos simply because you love someone that is addicted; give pause and count your blessing that no matter how bad it can be there are parents out there that would give their last breath simply to hold their child one more time. Where there is life there is hope. I am not trying to minimize your pain and anguish. Your pain is real, I know that pain in your heart. My point is that life today is not life tomorrow. I stand in awe every time I see my son. I know that in 2010 I had nearly give up son for dead. I could not find the hope to allow me to imagine the possible. I was drowning in the probable. When you find yourself in the pain I had come to accept step back and take care of yourself, you are not alone.

Today I have learned to appreciate the day. I was always looking towards tomorrow and did not allow myself to appreciate the gift of NOW. I was the guy that when a task needed to be done I did it because I could get it done so much faster myself. Grandchildren have taught me that slowing down, handing a grandchild a wrench and allowing a 2, 3 and 6 year old to fumble as I watch can create pleasure and satisfaction rather than impatience.

I have learned that what I am is what others had allowed me to become. I have resigned my job and today as I stood in front of a group of nearly 50 people in the break room I looked at these great people, most of them I hired, and I knew my success was the result of their success. None of us are islands in wild and angry sea. Every island is connected to every other piece of land in the whole world. There may be turbulent seas separating us at times but when you dive deep enough there is one big rock connecting each of us no matter the differences.

Today I have everything in the world I need. No presents required or allowed for this birthday boy. There are people in my life that love me, probably more than I deserve. There are untold numbers of people I love. I am one of the luckiest persons alive to be able to be connected this way to so many people. So many of you that read this blog carried me when I could not walk. I already have everything in the world I need. Thank you.

Happy New Year to All

That Time of Year

As the first first snowfall of the season blankets Kansas City there brings a feeling of peace for the season in me. Although I am not a religious person I appreciate this time of year. When traditionally a feeling of peace and love is suppose to overtake us all and sweep everyone into a blissful state good cheer it doesn't always happen that way for all.

Parents of an addict know how painful it is during the holiday season. Our expectations lead us to imagine this perfect season. We ache for that time before the monster of addiction invaded our family. Then all of a sudden reality snaps us back to the heartache of a loved one afflicted with this terrible disease.

On another blog long ago, I don't remember who said it but I have always remembered the thought. "An expectation is nothing more than a premature disappointment." When I first read that I remember thinking to myself what a sad life that must be to be a parent that believes something like that to be true. Like I said, that was a long time ago. As I lived I learned more about myself and more about addiction, no longer is that phrase sad, that phrase is freedom.

This holiday can be a time of peace for parents of an addict as long as we remember to accept what is given and accept that our loved one is suffering from the disease of addiction.

Addiction takes no holiday. Share your love, share the holiday.

Thank You, My Brother

This post isn't addiction related but is an important event in my life and I would like to share it with all of you. Below is what my brother posted on his Facebook page today.

Today I take my boots off and hang my helmet up for the last time. Myself and my fellow firefighters have been in fires we never should have been but, all houses are occupied until proven differently. I have seen newborn babies take their first breath and some people take their last. I have carried people and animals out of fires with hopes that they take another breath. I have seen people that have lost everything and then say, we will be OK because we still have each other! To my sons that said they always worried about me, you don't have to worry anymore. I have made life long friends and if I have offened any fellow fire fighters, I was just trying to make you a better fire fighter and public servants. To my fellow fire fighters, please be safe and always go home to your families when your shift is over. So with that said: After 31 yrs. of service that I will never forget or regret......Battilion Chief Brian Grover....Out of service!!!

Thank you my brother for all that you have done for so many.

My brother with my daughter and two grandchildren

Please Give Me 18 Minutes

If you have an addict loved one in your home please take 18 minutes to watch this video.

If you have not heard of or know what the CRAFT approach can do to help you and your loved one then you need to set aside just a few minutes for this introduction.

For any of you that are at the end of your rope then change your approach.

Be sure to watch both chapters.

Getting an Addict into Treatment: The CRAFT Approach