As you all know I am a FIXER. Yep, I capitalized it on purpose. Fixers exist to fix and in that put everything in order.
It took me a long time to learn I couldn't fix it all. Some things just had to work out on its own. The outcome was to be whatever it was to be.
Most of us fixers are perfectionists at heart. Control freaks that must have order. This leads to an awful lot of turmoil inside of us that sometimes translate to many different emotions. Of course mine was always anger, especially dealing with Alex.
Fixers and control freaks most always have goals. I have learned I am not perfect so now I try to live my life with this simple goal:
Make only NEW mistakes.
Dad & Mom
teamplayer@aol.com
About Me
- Dad and Mom
- Dad and Mom are parents of 3 and grandparents of three. Our oldest is the manager of Pediatrics at one of the top medical centers in the nation, the middle daughter takes care of our granddaughter and a couple other precious children. Our youngest is troubled with an addiction to drugs but is currently over 2.5 years clear and sober working at a company principally involved in foam and foam fabrication. Our blog is about his addiction and parenting an addict.
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Gratitude is my name today....10 years ago
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Happy New Year!11 years ago
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Dying Independently.....5 years ago
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Time To Focus on Other Things12 years ago
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The unbearable pain.8 years ago
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It's been awhile!10 years ago
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Hire me - it's ok :-)10 years ago
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PLEASE BEAR WITH ME!12 years ago
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borderline moments12 years ago
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new blog10 years ago
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Patriotism9 years ago
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7 comments:
I think you and I are probably secret brother and sister. Your description of a fixer fit me perfectly. A perfectionistic control freak. lol So glad you are here still blogging. :o)
Aagh - you men are fixers in general though. I've had to (try to anyway) get Steve to "listen" to me vent whatever I'm going through -- without trying to offer a solution or fix it. Of course - with D & all that went on - both of us would have welcomed a real solution !
I tend to be a perfectionist and a fixer too. But I have sure learned that most in life I can't fix. I might be able to fix a chair or plumbing or a mistake in an experiment, but I can't fix others. That's how I learned to let go.
I am learning...and so is my husband.
Give yourself a break! Control freaks also like to control their anger, but are sometimes pushed over the edge. You are human, and when things are spinning out of our grasp, we resort to primitive ways of handling the situation. When we realize that anger doesn't work either, then we can surrender to the "you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it." Once you embrace that, life gets more manageable.
I think this is something we all struggle with: trying to control the uncontrollable. When we reflect on life objectively we realize that the majority of our lives cannot be controlled, only managed. The fixers ( most of us) always find ourselves in chaos by wanting to change everything while standing firm against acceptance and willingness. Accepting life for what is can be a challenge living in a "quick fix" society.
I can totally relate to this post. I actually just wrote about this very thing today on my blog. It's like tug of war with our own hearts... Just have to let go and let God.
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