Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Transitions

Transitions are difficult. At times even changing planes in an airport is difficult so what should we expect when faced with a life transition.

I've gone through many transitions in my life, dealing with the death of loved ones, job changes of my accord and not of my accord. Transitions from single to married, husband to father and all of the missteps in between. So one would think I would be prepared and understand this transition from parent of an actively using addict to that of father of a son in recovery. But, each day I think and reassess what exactly is my role and am I fulfilling that role as a father. Plus, despite all of the wonderful things of life today with my son in recovery there is always that small dark corner in my mind that is impossible to escape or ignore.

The subconscious feeling and doubt of a relapse is not an ever present fear as it was for a long time. Maybe it is fools confidence but I just see no evidence to live at that place today.

My struggle today is what I call, make up time. It feels like we missed so much as father and son for so long. I keep reminding myself that time is not a commodity that can be saved, banked or replaced. We all have to move forward with what we have today and right now. Wonderful concept but it is at times harder to live than to say.

Onward with my personal reflection and struggle. This may seem insignificant to those of you still struggling with children in active addiction. I can completely understand and relate. But you have to remember that one day just as I did we all hoped to be in this position. I thought at the time if we only got here all the problems and issues would disappear. Nothing ever ends until it is too late. Life goes on and what we make of it is up to us.

(just more of my thoughts after a while deliberating. you long time readers probably wish I would stop that.  lol)

7 comments:

Barbara said...

This morning I looked back on what I had written a year ago today. It was a post that started off talking about you and your son, and how encouraging and hopeful it was to know he was doing so well.

I'm sure you're right, that even when the addict is in full recovery with over a year or two under their belt, there are still the moments of fear and doubt and concern.

I hope to get to that place someday. I often mourn the lost years with Keven, and wonder if we will ever have the closeness we once shared. Time will tell.

Lisa said...

Ron:

My son is currently in treatment and has over seven months sober. Today is a good day. Recently the enormity of what I have lived through overwhelmed me. The feelings I experienced that day shocked me. I had waited so long to get to this point. I immediately felt guilty. I thought of all the parents I have met online who would give anything to trade places with me today. Yet I could not deny my feelings at that particular moment. As parents we will never fully escape the trauma of life with an addicted child. Hopefully as time passes the chaos and pain of addiction fade, but we never forget. I don't think parents ever fully recover.

Anonymous said...

The nails were pounded in the fence boards. They were pulled out, but now the holes remain. They will alway remain. They do however, let light shine through.

Mike Naylor said...

My son is sober for the third time in two years, 2 months this time so far. I can only say that I cherish the time we have together when he's sober. Now that he's almost 20 I realize that our time together will get shorter and shorter as he grows up and moves on. My only hope is that he stays sober and any time I'm able to share with him is truly a blessing.

Syd said...

I have read your blog for years now. I see that you have a life that is good with your son. You loved him through it all. That's what matters.

Sarah said...

I have a son in recovery, and I totally relate to what you said in this post. What do you think parents really need to hear, know and understand when their kids first come home from treatment? I have my own thoughts....I was wondering what yours were. Did you have any good "parent training" when your son first got sober?

Dad and Mom said...

Sarah,

There was no parent training. I just felt my way through and followed my values and instincts. Pretty much how it was during his using.