It’s worse than going to the dentist with a toothache; giving up on our dreams for our children. Why is it so hard when we stare reality in the face every day that we hold on to those hopes and dreams?
The day our kids are born we start making plans. We start squirreling away money into college accounts. We dream of smiling proudly as our child graciously strides across the stage at graduation. Nice, neat little homes in the suburbs with our grandchildren playing in the yard. Some of us even have the audacity to picture ourselves in the front row during inauguration on a cold January day in Washington.
It’s all possible for anyone.
Then we snap out of our dream and see our child addicted to a drug and wonder if the future is even possible. We mourn the loss of our dream. We experience suffering for our child because in our life and wisdom we know the hardship of life even without being saddled with addiction. We cry, become depressed and grieve this fading picture. Never really giving up the hope that all of the past will go away and we all get a “do over”.
Finally, after months or years we realize that today is all we get and tomorrow can be just as fearful as it can be hopeful.
The next phase of our realization begins to become clear. These dreams were ours. That is why the pain is so great. We feel our dream slipping away. It’s such a shame we have imposed our dream upon our child and we see their addiction as a failure to achieve our dream. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean "reach their potential" is the way we say it as parents.
All I wish for now is that my son has dreams of his own for himself. His dreams and goals are his own, I don’t have to own them and I am not responsible for his success or failures.
My hopes and dreams now are that I can be a better father than a parent and that I will be regarded by some little ones as the best grandpa in the world.
…..The world of what is versus what ought to be.