Sunday, January 9, 2011

Where's The Light?

When you find yourself in the dark from something that has happened the natural response is fight or flight. The panic from the unknown grips you. Fear wells up and takes over all your thoughts.

It's dark, you stand still then your eyes adjust. Shadows of familiar objects begin to appear. Your mind begins to accept what you know. The unknown fades and that pushes away the fear.

Slivers and pinpoints of light appear. Your eyes see what you couldn't imagine just a minute ago.

The dark is scary, but if you are brave enough to enter the dark or somehow find yourself there; sometimes you learn something about yourself.


Syd said...

Yes, I agree. The good thing is that after the dark, the dawn comes.

Barbara said...

This is very true. In the context of addicts and their loved ones, I know my son has learned and accepted a lot about himself and I certainly have too! One thing I learned is that I am way stronger than I ever thought I was before.

yaya said...

Even a collect call (which we missed) in the middle of the night from our homeless addict daughter doesn't scare us anymore.

We are indeed stronger than we ever thought we could be. A little hardened to be sure, but stronger too.

Mike Golch said...

great point.

beachteacher said...

wow yaya....I want to be able to be not scared of such a thing. Thanks for this post Ron. And yes, I'm stronger than I thought before the journey of addiction.

Anonymous said...

...the true evolution of self occurs through adversity- if you permit it. You are an admired man.

Gledwood said...

I just typed in a long rant but it got lost when I clicked "post" probably a good thing. All I want to say is I wish I had some of that rock-solidness I see in you. Both of you. I need some of that.

Dad and Mom said...


You have that rock-solidness in you, you just have to find it. Sometimes it may take someone to help you to find the inner strength. I hope you set your heart in the right direction and find a person to guide you to that rock solid place.

Gledwood said...

Willingness is there and it never was before. It's this being scattered all over the place that's difficult. Sometimes it's v nice not to focus at all, others v annoying not to be able to do it. And to see that I'm not doing stuff I should but to feel helpless, like some other person behind bullet proof glass trying to yell at this person who's not listening to me.
I went and had a nervous breakdown in December posting in lurid detail as I went all about it. Saw a psychiatrist a week into it whose questions were "what do you know about schizophrenia?" (I thought it was bipolar), "what antipsychotics have you had (in the past) and did I want to go in hospital. (I filled up the rest of the time with v descriptive babble.) Ironically I felt too much of a mess to go in there so I did the recovering in an armchair staring into space. But I've got so sick of talking about mental health I think I'm going to have to stop mentioning a lot of it online it annoys me too much and makes me feel very exposed when what happened was very very nasty and "severe" even in psychiatrists' terms.
At the moment I just feel very fed up and don't know what to do except really basic tiny things whenever I get stressed the same symptoms start coming back so I'm stuck in a corner not even able to do what a lot of people could do without risking making myself ill again. I don't know what else to say sorry to go on.
Maybe one day some kid will stumble across all the rubbish I wrote and be put off for ever trying drugs because there is no question whatever label and whatever genetics or stress or anything else contributed a big part of it was set off or worsened by a shedload of drugs over a lot of years. And it could be a drug psychosis which can take ages to totally clear even off drugs. I wish I had never taken a single one now. I used to be glad at least of the experience now I look back and see nothing but a mess where a life should be and feel like an idiot.
The strength is in there, the stability is lost somewhere: I need to get them both in alignment.
Thanks for answering.