Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Anniversary #2

Two years ago we began writing this blog in an effort to help us through our son's addiction. Much has changed since we began writing, mostly us. The fact is, I think we would be at the point of nothing would have changed, if we hadn't changed.

While writing this I often thought about self-censuring the content. I am glad I didn't. Sometimes Mom ask me not to write about something so I didn't. To me that wasn't censuring, that was respecting her wishes; after all, we are in this together. But otherwise what you read was the real thing, the good, bad and ugly. I decided to lay out our life for all to see, I'm a person that is all or nothing. Our mistakes were plentiful and I am so glad everyone had the guts to flog me when it was needed. Endless hope is what has carried us this far, even though time after time it was dashed and we crashed. Where there is life there is hope.

I know so many of you have been rooting for and praying for Alex this whole time. We appreciate that more than you can imagine, all of your wishes for our family. But with all of Alex's tribulations and despite what you have read about his exploits the heart of this blog is about a Mom and Dad in the struggle of their lives. An important lesson learned in this struggle is that we know we can and will survive; no matter the outcome and if the monster returns, we will survive another day.

You've probably noticed my posts have become less about the drama living with an addict because at this point there is less drama. It is easier to be light hearted when life is not one crisis after another. I will still post updates but there may be less posts.

Many of you have been reading this blog from the beginning, some have been writing your own blog longer than I. I continue to read your blogs as you post. It is discouraging to see that parents new to this disease begin blogs about an addicted child but these are the people that need help. A parents desperation to search for answers to this insidious disease is only eclipsed by the courage it takes to write about their own journey. My advice to all parents struggling out there is to either read or write. I have never found a peace like the peace I have found reading comments from all of you that read our blog.

I am trying to be diligent about writing comments to new parents. Many times repeating the wisdom of Lou, Dawn, Syd, Barbara, Annette, Suzie and countless others too numerous to mention. But these friends were here in the beginning and I still have much to learn from all of them.

As this new year begins I was ask and have accepted a volunteer position with The Partnership at to be a Parent Ambassador. I'm not really sure of the full scope of a Parent Ambassador but from what I have been told I will be the Kansas representative and help with western Missouri and will be a person designated by The Partnership to help parents and represent The Partnership across Kansas. Not sure I am quite qualified for something like that but they told me there will training, good, I need it. So you will probably be reading about my adventures in this too.

So I hope you are looking forward to another year of boring stories and poor grammar. I am not giving up! Y'ALL HAVEN'T BEATEN ME INTO SUBMISSION, YET!!!


kelly said...

Congrats on 2 years! Congrats on the drugfree partnership! And.. Thanks.. thanks for sharing.. thanks for the honesty.. thanks for your time! Hugs, Kelly

Parent of Addiction said...

The battle needs more warriors like tell it like it is..that is a good thing! Keep posting!

Annette said...

Oh my gosh...that is so wonderful Ron! You will be a great "parent ambassador." They really need people who have lived through it...and that is you my friend.

Congratulations on 2 years and I am SO grateful that you chose to blog and share your life. Know that you make a difference with every post. You are a dad....hearing life from that perspective is not the usual, but it so so needed. I have referred my husband to your blog many times and he has always come away with something that he needed to hear. You are sometimes the only voice of recovery (other than mine ha ha) he is hearing. So I thank YOU and I hope you keep sharing your journey with us for a very long time to come.

beachteacher said...

Congratulations ambassador ! You're the perfect guy for the job. :) And a hearty thank you for all that you've written,...yours was the blog that I first read,sad,feeling desperate, and the title struck me...because it perfectly described my situation....there was an addict in our son's bedroom. Your blog led to the others, and you all have held me up through some very hard days,...I can't even express how much so. I am so grateful for all of the insight and support I've gathered on your blogs and those of the others. I feel like I have group of friends out there,...that I can relate to so well,..even though I've never met any of you in person or even heard your voices !
It's funny that Annette mentioned her husband,..because I've often read your posts to my husband as well. In fact, I always think how great you'd be for him as a friend,'re very much like him. LOL
Mainly...all I want to say is THANK YOU ! I'm glad you're not done blogging yet :)

Dad and Mom said...


I'm very much like your husband?

I have so much more sympathy for you now that I know that. You must be a very patient and loving woman. LOL

Barbara said...

This made me cry. LOL, that's just what I do this week (good tears). If ANYONE I know would make a good Ambassador its your (did you ever notice the word ass is in the middle of Ambassador? I didn't till just now it jumped out at me). Anyhow, you have helped me so much and been one of the bloggers that "found" new parents for the rest of us to reach out too.

I noticed some of the ladies mentioned reading your posts to their husbands, I hope you take this as its meant - but sometimes I thought of your voice as what my husband would say if I had one. I think I am like Mom and your perspective helped me to balance out my initial response which was always based on emotions not logic. I thank you and Mom for allowing us into your lives. And watching Alex grow and recover has touched my heart.

VJ said...


You are very deserving.

Dad and Mom said...


I never really noticed that in the middle of ambassador. I guess I really am qualified and probably need very little training. LOL

Momma said...

For me too, this was the first blog that I followed and interacted with. Thank you so much for sharing, I appreciate it all very much. Not so much drama for me either at this moment anyway, but a lot of delayed emotion and such. You've been an inspiration. Thanks.

Syd said...

Ron, your story has been inspirational and exemplifies what it means to detach with love. You never stopped loving or hoping for Alex. But you did learn to take care of your needs and that of Mom's. Life went on--some days better than others. Always there is hope. Thanks and good luck with your new "job". I know you will do well.

beachteacher said...

he he Ron ,'re both good guys :)

LisaC said...

I had no idea that we started blogging at the same two year anniversary is January 29, 2011! I've cheered for Alex and cried for you and Mom; and I've watched you grow and change as parents of an addict as I hope I have grown and changed as a parent. And...we are both HR professionals! How cosmic is that!

And the Ambassador thing? Awesome!

When I am posting, I look for your comments, so thank you.

Debby of Oxycontin and Opiate Addiction: A Mother's Story said...

As you know, I've been MIA for many months. I'm so glad the drama has slowed down. So has mine. Sometimes i feel as though I'm just holding my breath. You are using your gift in a positive way. We had hoped to come to Missouri in the fall, but finances got in the way. God willing, we will come this fall. If we do, I will contact you in advance.

Chrissy said...

What a great post, made me all teary eyed!
I also, am living with an addict, and have found it very hard to live by.
I've read a book recently that has helped me recover in my own way, called, Soaring Above Co-Addiction by Lisa Espich.
What I liked about this book is, the author is not writing as a professional giving advice. Instead, she writes from the viewpoint of a wife and mother who struggled to save her family from addiction, and eventually found the right source of help.
This made the book 10x better in my opinion!

Dawn said...

Congratulations Ron - I am so glad I found your blog! It has lead me to other blogs which, have all been instrumental in getting me thru many a day. I don't feel so alone in the world dealing with this terrible disease. Thank you for sharing.

Her Big Sad said...

I have learned much from you and mom and will continue, I'm sure. Your analogies pop into my head often and I have shared them over and over with family and friends.

Keep up the good fight, Mr. Ambassador!

Fractalmom said...

Ron, please help me spread the word. Link to my blog

Taking Pint to her counselor today. Since her mother is an addict, I have her see a high level counselor who is also an AOD (addiction specialist) counselor. The counselor told me the FDA just approved the use of VIVITROL, a once a month intramuscular injection for opiate addicts. The medication is an opiate antagonist (blocks opiate receptors in the brain). Vivitrol cannot be abused. It is not addictive. It cannot be gotten except in a doctors office. You cannot take it home. you go in once a month for the shot. It has an 86% rate of success.


BUT....this might save our children. Vivitrol Website, with Doctor Locator

Laura said...

Ron- I have not been reading lately as I have been involved in Stand Up Parenting. I am one of those that needs to "talk it out" with others who can relate and not judge. And I am so much better as is my son! 6 months clean and sober. I know it is a day by day- but I am very proud of hard he has worked.
I think you will be a wonderful representive for the Partnership for a Drug Free America!
And for others, my son did take Suboxone for about 6 months (from which he had withdrawal) and Vivitrol for about 6 months. I believe while he was on it, it helped. He did relapse with alcohol after completing the treatment but is doing well now. We were glad we had health insurance- shots were near $1000 each.
Take Care.