I received another e-mail today that everyone should get the chance to read. No matter how deep the despair about the addict you love, hope.
After the e-mail I am going to post what Darlene wrote me back after I forwarded it when she read the e-mail.
I don't know if you will remember my husband and I, but we met you when you spoke at Church of Resurrection some time ago. I have been wanting to email you for some time now but have not been able to put the words together. Our son Travis was killed in a car accident on his way back to Pittsburg State University on April 21st. He had just had his 23rd birthday 4 days earlier.
We had been living the same nightmare you are going through. We had been living in fear and living in grief for our son for quite awhile. He had been using heroin and trying somewhat successfuly to go to college at the same time. He was in the court system, he had been to rehabs, he was clean, he was using, he was clean, using etc. You know the story. He was out late, on his way back to school, fell asleep and ran into a semi head on. Travis and the car was destroyed. Nearly nothing left. He had to be identified by dental records. He was alone in his car and the semi driver was not hurt at all. That part is a blessing.
The reason I wanted to tell you this story is that no matter what living hell we were going through, it was better than this. At least during all the chaos and pain of his addiction, there was hope. We thought we had lost our hopes and dreams, but in reality, we still had hopes and dreams for Travis. They may have been different, but at least we could hope. I think that is what ultimately keeps you going. Now we just have memories, good and bad. We are left now with overwhelming grief. He will not have the chance to turn his life around. No hope for him in THIS life. Our fear of his addiction and all its ramifications is replaced now by extreme sadness. Again, no hope.
It is my wish that perhaps this story will help you understand that in the darkest of times during your son's addiction, you understand that you do have hope. Dreams can still be realized as long as you still have you son. I don't think that I ever thought in this way when Travis was still with us. I guess I just thought of all the pain we were all going through.
As you know, as a parent of an addict, you feel if you can help even one person in anyway get through this painful situation, you want to do whatever you can. I continue to read your blog and wish I could write as well as you. You have been so awesome to share and inspire the way you do. Keep hoping and dreaming even as hard as the situation is. You son is alive and has a chance. Blessings to you and your family.
OMG she is the pretty lady, with the husband, that I talked to for so long & then you join in, remember, We felt we had so much in common because the boys were nearly the same age. Both had gone to Pitt and doing the exact thing. Trying to go to school, but kept running back here for "stuff". I know she is right. We have thought the same thing, that at least we have hope. HOPE is very big, cuz we do still have our son. My heart cries for Vicki and her husband. I know that will always be in the back of their minds- could he have gotten better, could he have turned his life around. OR was this the blessing, because he would not have gotten better? That of course will be the big question in their minds, forever. I am glad she wrote and let us know. Just when we were giving up, she reminded us, that there is still "HOPE" for us, for Alex. "HOPE", that things can get better!
My heart goes out to Vicki and her family, they do not get to have any more, HOPE :(
I am sad, for sure, now, D
Thank you all for sharing and allowing me to post your words.