How do you deal with both of these two emotions at the same time. After last weekend I am just now beginning to calm down enough to organize my thoughts.
Why am I angry? He's an addict, he relapses. Been there done that enough of the last 6 years I should be used to it, right? Yea, I can handle the relapse, I get mad we holler and cuss and it is over. We recognize he has a disease and at times the disease flares up and he doesn't control himself. But last weekend pissed me off. This is not the first time he has taken his mothers medication she needed because she was ill. The first time it was after her surgery and he took her pain medication the day after her surgery. This time it was cough syrup. Sometimes I don't get it, how does anyone addicted or not take medicine from a sick person? I get the stealing money and things but I am having trouble getting over this one.
He came home the other day for one day. He finally admitted he had shot up a couple times before he took the medicine. I didn't use an angry tone in questioning him but I was stern. His girlfriend had told us things about his using, even in a time of admission he still lies.
One more time it is, "I'm not doing this again." I was just weak the situations presented themselves and I did it before thinking. WAKE UP!!! The situations will present themselves for the rest of your life. Disease or no disease you still must learn to tell yourself NO. Fact of life: the world will not change because you have a disease.
He made it obvious he resents me writing and speaking about this subject. One comment he made was that; "Why don't you understand this you're the addiction expert?" No, I'm not an addiction expert. The truth is I am addiction ignorant. My expertise born of experience is living with and parenting an addict. That's what I write and speak about. My writing and speaking is about us and our life, it's not about you. I'm not sure he understood the difference. Anyway, I'm going to be like an addict, I'll stop writing and speaking when I want to stop not when someone else tells me too.
His girlfriend and friend he grew up with, whom he is living with now, gave him the ultimatum. Do it again and your out. If that works great. Mom and I have reconciled we are not motivators in his life. If someone else can help that gets him where we all want him to go. He says he is committed, but???? Anyone living with an addict, I don't have to explain the last incomplete sentence.
I'm back to having an understanding that our oversight with Mom's medicine may have been too much but I'm not in place where I accept it is Mom and Dad's fault.