Thursday, February 18, 2010

Survivors Guilt

I was reading Barbara's blog and her feelings of guilt about how things are going well for her and K right now and it is hard to write about the good when so many parents are experiencing such hard times. I can understand those feelings completely. It's like survivors guilt.

The reality is we know how quickly the circumstances can change. We still lay our head down at night and know what thankfulness and fear feels like when both feelings are in our heart at the same time. We know the pain of sleeplessness and phone calls. Those feelings will last for a long time.

My son is doing it, today. He is clean, he is a joy to talk too and I can begin to see a tiny sparkle in his eyes again. (the pupils are open enough to reflect light, lol) If you ask him how he is doing it all he says is he is "sticking it". What does that mean I don't know and he said it is hard for him say it too. I am not trying to push the envelope but I ask him to think about what is happening and write it in his blog. Mom then begged him to begin writing again. She made a plea for all the other mom's out there, she said Alex please all of those other mom's want to hear what is in your mind, what you know and just what does there child really feels, knows and wants. Who knows maybe he will write, I hope but it's up to him.

I think back to when our son was completely wrapped in his lifestyle. We were scared, we felt hopeless. One thing that kept our hope alive was reading the successes of other adicts and children, even if they were short lived. I've said it over and over, WHERE THERE IS LIFE THERE IS HOPE.

Hold on Dad's and Mom's, all of you out there, the world changes every day and who knows what day is scheduled for your world to change.


Barbara aka Layla said...

Ron, yes that's what its like right now - guilt, logically I know I have not reason to feel that way but it wrenches my heart to know other parents are still feeling that horror I know so well...

But you are so right, it could change at any minute.

I hope Alex writes again. I check every day to see it he's updated in hopes that he has. If he doesn't want you reading it...maybe he can start a new one and tell all us moms about it :)

Her Big Sad said...

I'm hanging on for dear life Ron - and I agree - WHERE THERE IS LIFE, THERE IS HOPE!

I'm so very glad to hear Alex is doing well. I pray he keeps sticking it!!


Heather's Mom said...

I've been thinking about that today - how quickly things change - for better or worse. I'm in between the good times and the bad as I truly have no idea WHAT Heather is doing. BUT, I am thankful that through Al-Anon and my friends I have met from the blogs, I am finding I'm a lot less "crazy" than I used to be... just not calling Heather (not "dialing for pain") and waiting for her to call me has relieved some (self-imposed as I have learned) tension.
I am soooo happy A is doing well... these stories give HOPE, I have hope for all our kids and all our families.
Thanks "Mom" for pleading our case - I love to read what A & Josh write! It helps me to see "the errors of my ways" lol - BUT - you're right, he can't write for us, he has to write for him, if it's what he choses.
God bless!

Carol said...

Thank you for this post! As of yesterday, we have HOPE! Finally! Something GOOD has happened! He's been admitted to a state-run program for 3 months of inpatient drug treatment. Pray!!

I just started a blog too, if you'd like to check it out. Somehow, I gotta get all this stuff out of my head! I'm hoping the blog will help me, as well as others dealing with addiction.

Syd said...

Great message. I hope that he also decides to write. He can provide help and hope to others.