Sometimes I want to step away from all of this addiction stuff. My son has been clear and sober since July 2010 so what can't I just give it up and move on? How do you move on from the most traumatic event in your life?
Honestly, not a day goes by that I don't think of those 7 years, not a day goes by that I don't recognize and appreciate that I am one of the lucky ones.
When I think of the horrors many times I force myself to think of the blessings. How, you might ask are their blessings in the life of parenting an addict?
Maybe I am fooling myself but I honestly believe that no matter of any circumstance of life experience, good can be found.
When I reflect I understand today I am a better person and father through this experience. My son's addiction forced me to slow down in my thinking. I had to deliberate much more on my life and his life. I had to be sure to not only show my love to others but to verbally express it too. That was something I didn't know how to do before. I had to learn not all of us are alike or capable of the same thing. I always assumed anyone could do anything if they just tried hard enough and worked hard enough.
I learned many people, myself included do not understand a chronic disease like addiction. Maybe that's why I continue to write on this blogs and share on many addiction Facebook pages even after eight years of relative peace. Someone help me, "relative peace", do you have a better description? Not sure that fits but my word skills aren't developed enough to turn the perfect phrase.
Yesterday and last night I spent a considerable amount of time on Thanksgiving evening commenting to people expressing their exasperation on Facebook pages concerning their loved one. This morning I think the only thing worse than sitting down and commenting on FB pages on Thanksgiving is being that person writing their of their fears and heartache. Pleading for help on Thanksgiving Day.
Some days I wonder why I don't just put all of this behind me. Deep inside I hope that I never put this all behind me.
Hope is a double edge sword sharpened like a razor on both sides. It cuts both ways so carefully use that sword for good. Put hope in yourself because that is the only place you can control the sword. I learned when when I placed that hope in others the sword always cut deeply.
Just a few random thoughts on a rainy day at the lake, Sincerely, Dad. (Ron)