Friday, July 28, 2017

It Hurts So Bad.....Why Can't It Stop

It's been a while since I've dealt with the daily drama and heartache of a child actively using. Not a day goes by since in the last seven years I haven't thought about the pain and felt grateful I was a parent that came out the other side with a child in long term recovery.

Today I am shopping in the grocery store and casually ask the butcher for some help. He was very helpful with not only the bacon but also some large wild caught shrimp. Makes me hungry writing this, but that's not the point of this story.

We continue a casual conversation and he mentioned he just lost his 23 year old son and was having a hard time. I ask, and prefaced it with I didn't want to pry or be too intrusive but what happened. He explained to me he died from a heart condition. The valves in his heart were gone and he died while doctors were operating on his heart.

I expressed my sympathy. I cannot imagine in any way how hard that must be. I went on to explain I was only being nosy because I know so many, too many people that have lost their child at a young age to addiction. I went on to apologize in that I didn't want him to think I assumed the same was for his child. Then I told him how lucky I am to not have lost my son because he was a heroin addict but has been clear and sober since July 2010.

His eyes welled up and his voice broke. My son was using drugs with needles and stuff. He never mentioned the drug of choice but he said, the needles and drugs are what destroyed his heart.

He went on to tell me it is so hard and they are in counseling. I gave him one of my cards I give out when I speak with this blog address.

He also said they have no one to talk too. He said "Whenever I mention it to a friend or someone they don't understand......they don't understand at all. "

Here we are are two 60 year men standing at the end of the meat freezer in the aisle of a grocery store with tears on our cheeks and in our eyes.

He stared at my card....."Your name is Ron?" Yes it is. "Can I call you if I need too?" You can can call me any time.


If you can't talk to a person, find another person. There are too many people suffering with no support. As I tell all of those young people, hands of help are extended all around you. Take the first step, reach out and grasp one of those hands. It will be good for both of you. This goes for all of us no matter our age.

I leave the grocery store after shaking this mans hand and sincerely telling him he is not alone.

Pull into a favorite vegetable stand for some home grown tomatoes, watermelon, cantaloupe and berries. I here a woman's voice, "Ron Grover, Ron Grover". Around the tables and counter comes a person Darlene and I had coffee with 7 years ago because they reached out to me after reading this blog and discovering we only lived 10 miles apart. Our sons shared this same issue.

After two encounters not one hour apart I come to realize I have ignored writing for too long.




beachteacher said...

Oh Ron.... this is what helps so much -- knowing that you're not alone in the pain & worry & confusion & anguish. You were the first person that made me feel some relief to know that. God bless you

Syd said...

Beautiful, Ron. You are helping those who have no place to turn because they feel so lost. Glad that you are still doing your best to be there for people who suffer. All is good here with us. Still alive which is good.

angelmicki said...

I livewith my son and his girlfriend in active addiction. He has nearly died twice. They have a sweet 7 month old son of whom I have custody. It breaks my heart that they care so little for him. I grew up in an addiction home so I do understand but no amount of empathy let's me accept this behavior. My husband makes excuses for them. I've had enough but I so love my grandson so I do it for him. Most dont want to hear any of this. Thanks.

Cathy Taughinbaugh said...

You are such a gift Ron with all that you do to help others! The outreach is so needed.

Anonymous said...

I know it is very late but due to obvious reasons l cannot sleep
Is there anyone available to chat with?

Liam said...


Your blog is inspirational. I have dealt with loved ones using in my personal life and it is not easy coping with the stress and drama addiction brings into the house hold. To come out on the other side with a healthy son and your lives still intact is a blessing.

I would like to share with you a blog that reflects lessons learned while trying to stay sober, a colleague of mine recently wrote this and I thought of your blog when I saw it.

Hope you enjoy =)

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post....I can only tell you how much the blogs have helped me...more liked saved me...thank you

Lou said...

As I search today for some help and understanding. I found your blog. First of all thank you!
I'm struggling to find some peace in my life. Addiction seams to rear its ugly head all the time. I have 2 boys in addiction my oldest is 26 and my other is 21. My oldest has 2 warrants out for him that I'm aware of and the 21yr old I'm hearing rumors that he's been selling and the people he's been selling for are out to hurt him. So he did something even more stupid.
I'm tired and lost.ive been dealing with this for over 14 years now. I so badly want my boys to have that revelation to not want thus life anymore. To become what God wanted for them, Not this.